Walrus

A solid week has passed since I've updated this stinkin' thing, and I can't come up with one stinkin' thing to put in it...
I think I'm bipolar. I went from being perfectly happy and content to being really, um, not like that so quickly. It makes my head spin- I don't like it.
I started reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye again- not really sure why- I don't need any convincing on this topic- I've quite given up. It feels good, rather liberating to give up on that- and by giving up, I mean giving it up to God, and I think the Big Guy's made it pretty clear that I've been booted off of the dating wagon for awhile. I'm ok with that, and I can sincerely mean that for the first time ever- really, stop laughing :P It's kind of weird, because I feel absolutely nothing for anybody- another first. I realize that this can change quickly, but it's been like this for awhile- I thought it was a fluke at first- I tried to listen to love songs to remind me that I wanted that, but it didn't work. Woah, that's kinda sad now that I think of it... But anyways, now that I have this new found freedom, I really want to put it to good use and do something, I don't know, liberating, but alas, school has seeped over into that part of my life.
I have been so tired lately- I think it's pretty unhealthy. I started seeing spots before my eyes, and on occasion, my senses have been a bit warped- my vision will get blurry or my hearing will get funny- sometimes I feel a bit disoriented. Hm, that can't be good... Looking forward to getting a bit of sleep this weekend.
I've been on this "let's see if I'm disciplined" kick lately- kinda testing myself to see if I really do have control over what I do/say/think, etc. I've come to the conclusion that if I really want to be disciplined, I can be, but as soon as I start to question whether I should be disciplined in a certain area, I automatically lose all control (well, not all, but you know what I mean). One more thing to work on...
The weather started changing towards something a bit more acceptable for November, and I think it's caused everyone to lose their minds. There has been so much emotional trauma tonight, I can't even begin to explain. So many people are in pain for so many various reasons, it hurts to think about it. I wish I could be there for everyone- even though I never really have anything constructive to say, I want people to know that I care so much, and I'd do anything for them. I've been lacking in this area lately- I've gotta let go of my own little pity-parties so that I can be there for other people, ya know? I really think that this is one of the areas that God can really use me- to be someone people can turn to when they are troubled- but there are so many areas of my life that I have to give over to God if I really can be effective at that for Him. Agh! Why do I insist on trying to do things myself when God can do it so much better?!?! When will I learn?!
I am so excited that the holiday season is finally approaching! It always makes me happy- I love to spend time with my family, and all of those Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions, the old and new, give me warm, fuzzy feelings :) Something about this time of year just makes me want to praise God even more, which seems kinda silly now that I've typed it out, but there ya have it. Probably should praise Him a whole lot no matter what the time of year- oh boy, another thing to work on- all this reflection just seems to point out my inadequacies. Oh well, I suppose that's a good thing...
I'm sorry, did I say I didn't have a stinkin' thing to put in here? For someone who had nothing to say, I sure said a whole lot, although it's all pretty garbled and sporadic. My apologies. Did I mention I need sleep?...