So this week was probably the hardest week of my entire life. I'm not even kidding, I don't remember ever being broken to this point, but I know it was necessary. It still hurts, but it's out of my hands now. I've done what God wanted, and now, all I can do is pray. Even though my heart has ached like it never has before, I am filled with a peace that I just can't explain except to say it's the kind that only God gives- y'all know I couldn't fake this or make it up on my own!

On a completely unrelated note, I got to be a stupidly giddy girl again the other day, and wow. I definitely didn't see this coming, but then again, I think I always have. ::happy sigh:: And God's got this one so wrapped up in His Will, it's just the coolest thing to see! Just goes to show you, if you just stop making stinkin' plans and just let God do His thing, He will bless you far greater than you could imagine! It's overwhelming! But this distance thing?... God, I know You did that on purpose, and I really am grateful for it for a bunch of different reasons... it's just times like these that I just want to grab my keys and say, "forget Milledgeville!!!" and just drive down there (almost did that on Monday... wow, that might've been really funny had the circumstances been different...). Ok, I'm gonna stop, cuz I could probably go on for a VERY long time ;-)

The weather is absolutely beautiful today! Had a really good run this morning (even if it was two hours late and three miles shorter than planned!), and I just want to go walk somewhere, except I have a million and one things to do this afternoon. Oh well. Such is life! But thanks, Jesus, for the sun and the cool weather and the breeze and everything!

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.
Hebrews 11:8

Oh wow, this song has been stuck in my head for the past couple of days, playing nonstop... one of those songs that's absolutely perfect for what I'm feeling and thinking... I just love it!

Where You Lead Me
-Mercy Me

What is life?
A thousand roads, a thousand ways
Why am I so afraid to move
I crossed the line
I'm stepping out so come what may
I give it all cause I'm drawn to You

As long as my heart is beating...
Where You lead me I will follow
Where You lead me I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day
Forever and a day

I can't deny Your very presence is my life
And why would I ever turn away
Cause deep inside I know that I cannot rely
On anything less than faith

As long as my heart is beating...
Where You lead me I will follow
Where You lead me I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day

This is all I'm dreaming of
To live completely in Your love

So this is life

Where You lead me I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day

I had the best day ever today! Let me tell you why!

I had amazing Jesus time this morning! Yeah man, it was great :-D Went for a 5 mile run. Started off to class and then ::boom:: I felt like poo. So I went to the Honors lounge and proceeded to spend the next hour writing down all of the jumbled up thoughts running through my head on paper, which made me feel really awesome... Talked to Jessica, which was great, because I never get to do that anymore! I love that girl!

Went to meet Miss Nancy for lunch, and ended up going with Miss Ellen too, which was awesome, because they're great! Went to some country buffet, for which I am sure I will pay greatly... I really can't eat like this all of the time! How do they stay so skinny, because this crazy Yankee girl can't handle that! Spent the next two hours talking with Miss Nancy about every little thing. Got to talk to Mark for a little while too, which really made me smile :-) <-- see? just like that!

Ran some errands, answered some emails, watched some tv ::gasp:: and now I'm off to watch Gilmore Girls, because I want to, that's why!

This freedom and satisfaction I've found in Christ is absolutely incredible! When I look back over the past year, I'm amazed, because I can see how He's been at work... everything is falling into place, to what end, I don't know, but it's so clear that He's led me right to this point, and that is such an awesome feeling! I wish I could describe just how much I am in love with Jesus... this life that I'm living is all for Him, and I've fallen so hard so many times, it amazes me that He still loves me and works in me. Wow. ::happy sigh:: I want everyone to know this peace, this joy that is mine right now.

Oh, and another song... ;-)
"sunny days keepin' the clouds away
I think we’re coming to a clearing and a brighter day
so far away and still I think they say
the wait will make the heart grow stronger
or fonder, I can’t quite remember, anyway"

Song for a friend that's been on my heart...

Praise you in this storm

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear
You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Woah! I was just reading in Psalms, and for those of you who have any idea about what's been going on for the past week, I just read the coolest verse!

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
-Psalm 7:7

So that was just really cool, stupid Satan trying to make me doubt, but no way! Not with my Jesus with me! Yeah man! We win!

So... what a week. That's all I have to say. Ok, I lied. I have a LOT to say. I'm exhausted. Just plain wiped out. I don't even know where to begin...

Well, I had a lot of tests this week. Too many. I don't remember feeling too stressed about it, but apparently I must have been, because I can feel myself "destressing," and my body is just about on the verge of being non-functional. Did an 8 mile this morning, and I can still feel my muscles burning... not good. I'm hungry, just so you know. Anyways, so begin Wednesday night, and another full night of studying. I was busy cramming organic chem into my head when it occurred to me that there was no way I was going to get it all in, and I was going to fail the exam with flying colors, so I did something I've never done before in any shape or form in my entire life- I dropped the class. I've been pulled in so many directions, and to be honest, school is very much at the top of my priority list, and it's been keeping me from the things I love, so I said, "Ok, don't be stupid, you need to scale back on your academic endeavors, my dear." I'm so excited, because I might have time to, I don't know, sleep or go to church or hang out with my favorite people. This week was ridiculous on the sleep front. I stopped trying to keep track. I was basically just taking naps when I got the chance, but I can think of only one night when I actually went to bed (and even that was just for 5 hours... although that was an amazing night's rest!). I shouldn't complain, I know it could be ten times worse, but I just needed to do something for my sanity. Next week will be so great, because it will be so much easier to have some kind of routine... 5 am Jesus time... 6 am run... get ready... class... study... hang out!... study... church... study... friends! Ah yeah, it's gonna be so great! Other than that, Induction went well. And... ok, so all I did besides that and go to class was work and study. I lead a very boring existence- oh wait, change that! I LED a very boring existence! Not anymore! Freedom from chemistry... well, maybe not ;-) Had lunch with Miss Nancy today, and it was great! I just love her so much! We could talk forever! It was great :-)

::sigh:: I want out of M'ville in the worst way. It's gotta start getting cool soon, right? I want to go camping like you wouldn't believe... just want to get away... Go up to north Georgia or even better, up into North Carolina. No wait! How 'bout up to Pennsylvania or, oh wow... someday I'm going to go camping in New England in the fall... that would be incredible...

Just for the record, I am the dumbest girl ever, and I just love how wonderful friends like Miss Brittany Thompson can put things right in perspective ;-) Thanks man, I needed that... fun times... or at least amusing times!

So... I'm still happy! Aren't you all happy that I'm still happy?! Thanks, I knew you would be :-) Only unfun thing that has happened is I can't go to the P-A this weekend, but I think God has made it pretty clear that He just doesn't want me to go... not sure why... I'd like to think I know why, but remember, I'm a dumb girl, so the chances of me really having this figured out are slim. But anyways, this weekend is gonna be incredible, even if it is full of stupid work! I get to hang out with pretty much all of my favorite people :-) Not to mention, I will be even MORE happy, because all of my tests will be done, and I will be able to breathe, and I am a pretty big fan of breathing.

So Gretchen has loads of excitement tonight, and I can't wait! We were talking today about how awesome it is that God's blessings are kind of coming at the same time, different ways, but the same idea... all at the same time! I think He's having a pretty good time watching all of this unfold, because I know I am! Wow! I just have such a peace about his whole situation... I'm right where God wants me, and that's a pretty good feeling. Just gotta keep pursuing His Will, because it's the best!

Oh right, organic lab... my favorite... gotta run!

So this must be the week of updates, because I think I've updated this thing more in this week than I have in the past six months... But anyways, I'm happy. I mean, really really happy :-) I can't even explain why... I tried to tell Jessica, and the best I can come up with (in a really vague nutshell... can't divulge too many details of my exciting life to the world!) is that I feel that same joy I've always felt in Christ, except different. Wow, see how helpful that description was?! Communication is not my forte. But for the past few days, I just haven't been able to stop smiling! I feel like I'm bustin' at the seams! I've never felt like this before... and it's really awesome :-D Yay for Jesus and waiting on His timing and being in His Will and so many blessings and so many other things that I wish I could put on here, but I'm going to leave you all waiting in anticipation! Aren't I mean?! Mwuahaha! <--that was my evil laugh, just so you know

Off to RAISE... even Housing can't steal my joy, and that's sayin' a lot!

Oh wow, I am absolutely beside myself with tiredness. I feel completely drained, like there's nothing left in me. Emotion makes me tired. Maybe I'll just stop feeling... it takes too much energy ;-) Of course, adequate sleep would probably help with that, but whatever, that would be way too easy to fix.

I'm confused. How can the answers be so obvious yet so incredibly elusive all at the same time? Was talking to Amanda about it, and we agree- this phase of, goodness, I don't even know what, is not fun. But it is. But it's so aggravating. Ugh! I don't get it! Can't I just fast-forward a few weeks and get my answers and go on with my happy little existence?!

My ever-expanding confusion has not diminished one thing which I know for certain, one thing that has become increasingly apparent as the day wears on. My hope is in Christ. Nothing else. It can't be. I've come too far, gone through too much to return to where I was. I am amazed at the blessings he has allowed me to experience as of late, and even if that is all, then I am grateful. And ever hopeful.

I need a song for how I feel. If I still lived with Brittany, she would be the wonderful person that she is and find me a song, I just know it...

Scratch that.

Life is REALLY good, and God is even BETTER!

To be continued... ;-)

God is good... life is good... The end :-P

Hey, did you know it's September 5th? Isn't that the craziest thing you've ever heard?! Time flies...

Been out of sorts the past few days... reflective, I suppose. I've been glued to the television lately (ok, so "glued" for me isn't too terribly attached, but you get the idea). It is unbelievable how one hurricane, one really huge hurricane, has turned the lives of so many people upside down. If I just sit and watch and take it all in, I have a hard time distinguishing the television from reality, as if they were two different things... makes me want to cry, but more than that, makes me want to get out of Milledgeville and do something about it! I've been struggling the past few weeks, because I know that God does not ultimately have me in Milledgeville (don't really know where/what He's got planned... another story...), and if I didn't have school, I'd be on the Gulf Coast right now. School is the only thing keeping me here; I'm already trained and ready to go, it wouldn't be a stretch at all for me to have been sent down there... stupid school... So I'm here in Milledgeville, watching tv, and getting increasingly restless. My heart hurts for the people down there... so I'll join with so many others in this country who feel the same way and just pray. Just pray.

This semester is shaping up to be a pretty rough semester all around. And by the way, do you know what makes me crazy?! When people battle my independence... try to rope me into the incredibly narrow scope of the "modern college student." Makes me want to throw things. Big, heavy things at people who talk too much. Grrr. Busy is good, but I could do without the classes. But then again, I'm kind of enjoying most of my classes. Can't I just do one thing at a time? Gosh, this is almost like real life or something!

Hehe, I just got really tired and was about to be really upset, when I realized that I'm sitting here in the dark... funny how the dark makes you so very sleepy... I'm a nerd.

I left my straight hair thingy at home, and that makes me sad :-( <-- see, this is me being sad.

I'm going to the P-A in two weeks! I'm so excited, I could just do a jig :-P

Worked in the yard at East Point all day today, and got a funny burn AGAIN! I'm ready for winter and sweaters, because this summer has just been one funny-looking burn after another, and I think I'd rather just be pasty white than have 13 different burn patterns across my body.

We's runnin' lots! Two eight-miles in a row! And for one of those, I swear somebody slipped me something in my coffee, because I sprinted the last mile of it... felt like I was flying!

off to the races ;-)