I have a few minutes to spare before I get to sit in a cemetary for the evening, so I thought I'd toss a few things out there.
This week totally had me deceived- I thought it was gonna be a mediocre, "won't kill you too much" kind of week- woops! I was wrong! Last night, I had class till, well, don't really remember when, perhaps 4:30? not sure, but anyways, after that was church. We talked about gentleness, and I realized (once again) that I really gotta work on that one. It was so interesting, because I never really thought about it in "God terms," only in human terms. God is pretty different from humans. Hmm, profound. So, we talked about how it was really when we submit ourselves completely to the Will of God- surrender to God's plan. I struggle with that- first off, it's hard to see God's plan, and sometimes when I think I know what He wants, it's really just me doing some of that human rationalization and justification- and second off, well, sometimes God's Will is so hard to accept! I guess He has His ways of making us accept it, one way or another- His Will will be done whether we say we accept it or not. It's a good thing! I'd be in a whole mess of trouble if that weren't the case!
Afterwards we came back to the dorms and watched the lunar eclipse- awesome stuff! God is so amazing :-) I enjoyed conversation with someone I haven't gotten to talk to in awhile. And then us crazy honors people went on a walking ghost story tour thingy with Harold around M'ville/campus or something. Yeah, so that was neat, but I had to bail early due to, I don't know, studying- interestingly enough, I came back and didn't get any of that done... Oh well.
Today was just nuts- that's all there is to it. I've run all over the world twenty times today, but I've managed to get just about all of the pertinent stuff done. Still don't know if I'm going home or not- probably will, but ask me in five minutes, and I might change my mind. I need a change of scenery- maybe I'll go to China. Tomorrow.
God is such a mystery to me sometimes. I can see Him doing His "God thing," but I can't fit it into the big picture yet, although I'm sure that, in time, it will begin to come together.
And those crazy BoSox won the world series- just whipped right on through there! I guess I'm happy for them, I mean, they haven't won since, what 1918? I guess they deserve it, so long as it doesn't happen for another 86 years... Just kidding, yay for Boston!!
And now I'm listening to Gershwin, and "Someone to Watch Over Me" just came on- boo hiss! Sappy song! Gotta fix that- how 'bout a little Benny Goodman- cool guy.
I want to go do something different. Maybe I'll climb a mountain this weekend. We shall see.
10.28.2004
10.24.2004
Rhinoceros
It seems like a while since I've updated (or perhaps just that a lot has happened), and I don't feel like studying physics, so let's attempt to make sense of the past couple of days.
Seems kind of ironic to me that my last post began with the death of my hamster, and now I must add to that the death of a student here at school, although they are by no means equal in magnitude of loss. I did not know him, although on several occasions, I was told to meet him, because he was a neat guy- I never got a chance to, and as a result, his loss hits a little harder. I feel terrible- he was young, and I'm sure he didn't see this coming- I don't know if he was prepared, in a spiritual sense, that is- I would inquire, because it is something that I am concerned about- had I made a point to meet him, I may have been used for some Godly purpose (although I know that God would have made it happen if it was supposed to- gotta remember that He's in control)- but the only person who would know is handling this in an... odd way- doesn't seem to be at all affected- I realize everyone deals with this stuff differently, but he's not acting like the compassionate individual I hoped he was (even before the death)- should have predicted that, so I won't dwell on it- old news, as far as I'm concerned.
I am slowly learning that I can't be a friend to everyone. Why is that? I want to be friends with everyone, but some friendships can be so draining, leaving no room for others (or they just make you fed up and crazy!), which therefore pushes other friendships (the real ones, as far as I can see) away. I'll be there for anyone when they need me, but why is it that some people don't catch on to that? I really do care! Why do they make it so hard?
Ok, so getting on with the weekend. We had Fall Fest on Saturday. Um, yeah, that was exciting.
Then we made the trek up to Cumming to the Bandmasters to see the good ole FOC be amazing. And they were amazing, but it was also really nice to see people I haven't seen in a really long time (Jeff, Clayton, Tonya, Adam, Ashley, Cass, and others that aren't popping into my head at the moment)- went to Steak 'n Shake and had some quality bonding time with Ana :-) Loads of fun!
Went to church this morning, and then to Atlanta Bread Company with mi madre for lunch. Went on a quest for fun looking moccasins, and after about three stores, I found this really weird pair of orange ones (not peachy orange, just flat-out orange)- ordinarily, I think I'd find them hideous, but I was in a qwirky mood, so I thought they were cute and everybody else says so, but I think that in their heads they're probably thinking "ew gross!" but I don't care because it enables me to add yet another color to a completely unmatching ensemble, which by-the-way makes me so excited that I don't have to match clothes, because I can so totally throw random colors on, but matching requires effort and I'd rather be lazy and a rainbow (how's that for a run-on sentence...).
Wow, ok, so then I drove back to M'ville, and it was not a fun drive, because I kept on thinking of un-fun things, and I couldn't turn my brain around to think about fun things, and so I arrived to church this evening in a rather exasperated, anxious state. But church was really great- Casey and Hannah did really great with worship (even with a few little blips, but I think it just adds to the character of the worship or something...) and Alex did a really great message (what a neat kid!). Had to jet after it was over- felt claustrophobic, if that makes any sense, which I'm sure it doesn't, because it kinda confuses me too, but I think it has to do with that friends stuff I was talking about, or I could just be a weirdo- not sure...
So that brings me back to the dorm. Was looking for something I had saved on my computer (my schedule for next semester, I think), and I ran across an online conversation I had with a friend almost a year ago that I saved. This topic has been a source of much controversy and confusion among my friends. He totally flirted and all that kind of stuff, and then, ::poof:: nothing. What a nerd. Anyways, the conversation was all "I stayed so I could see you" and "you're a really nice girl, I mean, young woman" and "does it really bother you when I tickle you" and other really girly (ugh!) stuff on my part that I won't mention. It's very amusing, because it's nothing like the way we talk to each other now- he probably doesn't even remember, but just for the record, he started it! I was an innocent, unsuspecting victim to his male fickleness. What is it with guys and just randomly changing their minds about stuff like that, and then pretending that they never really felt anything, in fact, it was me all along who liked him?!?! Goodness gracious, he exasperates me so. Ok, that was a really random, 8 months late rant. I'm done.
Ok, I'm really going to study now. For real. Maybe...
Seems kind of ironic to me that my last post began with the death of my hamster, and now I must add to that the death of a student here at school, although they are by no means equal in magnitude of loss. I did not know him, although on several occasions, I was told to meet him, because he was a neat guy- I never got a chance to, and as a result, his loss hits a little harder. I feel terrible- he was young, and I'm sure he didn't see this coming- I don't know if he was prepared, in a spiritual sense, that is- I would inquire, because it is something that I am concerned about- had I made a point to meet him, I may have been used for some Godly purpose (although I know that God would have made it happen if it was supposed to- gotta remember that He's in control)- but the only person who would know is handling this in an... odd way- doesn't seem to be at all affected- I realize everyone deals with this stuff differently, but he's not acting like the compassionate individual I hoped he was (even before the death)- should have predicted that, so I won't dwell on it- old news, as far as I'm concerned.
I am slowly learning that I can't be a friend to everyone. Why is that? I want to be friends with everyone, but some friendships can be so draining, leaving no room for others (or they just make you fed up and crazy!), which therefore pushes other friendships (the real ones, as far as I can see) away. I'll be there for anyone when they need me, but why is it that some people don't catch on to that? I really do care! Why do they make it so hard?
Ok, so getting on with the weekend. We had Fall Fest on Saturday. Um, yeah, that was exciting.
Then we made the trek up to Cumming to the Bandmasters to see the good ole FOC be amazing. And they were amazing, but it was also really nice to see people I haven't seen in a really long time (Jeff, Clayton, Tonya, Adam, Ashley, Cass, and others that aren't popping into my head at the moment)- went to Steak 'n Shake and had some quality bonding time with Ana :-) Loads of fun!
Went to church this morning, and then to Atlanta Bread Company with mi madre for lunch. Went on a quest for fun looking moccasins, and after about three stores, I found this really weird pair of orange ones (not peachy orange, just flat-out orange)- ordinarily, I think I'd find them hideous, but I was in a qwirky mood, so I thought they were cute and everybody else says so, but I think that in their heads they're probably thinking "ew gross!" but I don't care because it enables me to add yet another color to a completely unmatching ensemble, which by-the-way makes me so excited that I don't have to match clothes, because I can so totally throw random colors on, but matching requires effort and I'd rather be lazy and a rainbow (how's that for a run-on sentence...).
Wow, ok, so then I drove back to M'ville, and it was not a fun drive, because I kept on thinking of un-fun things, and I couldn't turn my brain around to think about fun things, and so I arrived to church this evening in a rather exasperated, anxious state. But church was really great- Casey and Hannah did really great with worship (even with a few little blips, but I think it just adds to the character of the worship or something...) and Alex did a really great message (what a neat kid!). Had to jet after it was over- felt claustrophobic, if that makes any sense, which I'm sure it doesn't, because it kinda confuses me too, but I think it has to do with that friends stuff I was talking about, or I could just be a weirdo- not sure...
So that brings me back to the dorm. Was looking for something I had saved on my computer (my schedule for next semester, I think), and I ran across an online conversation I had with a friend almost a year ago that I saved. This topic has been a source of much controversy and confusion among my friends. He totally flirted and all that kind of stuff, and then, ::poof:: nothing. What a nerd. Anyways, the conversation was all "I stayed so I could see you" and "you're a really nice girl, I mean, young woman" and "does it really bother you when I tickle you" and other really girly (ugh!) stuff on my part that I won't mention. It's very amusing, because it's nothing like the way we talk to each other now- he probably doesn't even remember, but just for the record, he started it! I was an innocent, unsuspecting victim to his male fickleness. What is it with guys and just randomly changing their minds about stuff like that, and then pretending that they never really felt anything, in fact, it was me all along who liked him?!?! Goodness gracious, he exasperates me so. Ok, that was a really random, 8 months late rant. I'm done.
Ok, I'm really going to study now. For real. Maybe...
10.22.2004
Goat
I think I've gone through the full spectrum of emotions in less than a 24-hour period- a pretty draining experience. I went from silly, almost giddy happiness to sorrow to rage to bitter disappointment, but I believe I'm slowly making my way back around to that giddy happiness again (it used to take me a full week to run through this cycle- I must be getting better at it- lots of practice...). I never like to believe that people may actually be, I don't know, bad. I always make excuses for them- deep down I know that I should not put faith in their character or integrity- people always let you down- yet I live in some sort of denial of that (and I'm not just talking about the obvious example here, there's lots of other stuff too that I'm coming to realize now). I wonder if it's healthy to have that kind of attitude- it's never been a problem before- it's only when I directly encounter a person's selfishness, bad intentions, or just plain lack of concern that I am hurt by this mentality. And if you look at the other end of the spectrum, where one would constantly question people's motives and not believe anything, well, that doesn't sound so good either. Now, I know there must be some middle ground, but it is so hard to find. Maybe I'll just be content to be wrong.
And to make things worse, I ran out of milk- again. I should buy a cow; it'd be a whole lot cheaper. I go through a gallon in less than a week, and it totally ruins my mood to run out. Now I can't have cereal for breakfast, and no protein shake, and no milk and cookies. Oh dear. The woes of my life- however do I go on?
Speaking of the woes of my life, I am so very sad that the crazy BoSox are going to the World Series (for a second, I almost typed Super Bowl- I'm a big, fat moron who really needs to get some sleep...woah...). Now, let me just clarify that I am not some huge Yankees fan, but there is something about them that draws me to cheer them on to victory. It's something mystical, mysterious- perhaps I was brainwashed as a child. It seems like the embodiment of the American tradition- I can look at them playing now, and I can instantly picture the game as it was played a hundred years ago- seems timeless. And for goodness sake, think about all of the amazing players they've had- Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Lou Gehrig, Roger Maris- it's nuts! Going to the Baseball Hall of Fame is almost like going to the "Yankees Hall of Fame."
You know, it's very interesting, because I am so ready to be done with college and to get on with life. Not that this isn't life right now, but sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting, for what, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I'm taking advantage of whatever I can right now- I don't want days to go by wasted- but there's so much more than this out there, and I'm so ready to be a part of it. Everyone else seems to not exactly be looking forward to it, perhaps even scared of it. I just want to get on with it- let's get the show on the road! I'm so looking forward to having a career, maybe even a family- I want to travel and do huge, amazing things, but even the little stuff is exciting- I think I just want complete independence in the very worst way, and I just have to be patient on that one.
And ya know what? Guys confuse the heck out of me. I mean, come on, girls are so easy to figure out, because even though we have our emotional outbursts, we tell you exactly what we're thinking in the process (however stupid or unpleasant it may be...). I have never in my life understood a male- they are so weird!! Sometimes I wish I could get in their heads and see if anything is going on in there! Why do they have to hide how they feel? What purpose does that serve? Life is too short to bottle up all of that junk- just let it out. And what's with this drive towards the opposite sex? I guess it's harder for me to understand now more than ever, but I just don't get how a guy can see a pretty girl and instantly decide that she must be incredible and he has to have her (this has never worked in my favor- can't say I'm disappointed about that...). And whatever happened to old-fashioned gentlemanly junk? Half the guys who say they want to be gentleman, ok, well over half, don't know how. Ok, probably just speaking for myself, but there is nothing a girl wants more than to know that she is valued by someone for who she is, with no conditions, no "woops! changed my mind!," and no "only until something better comes along"- she wants to be treated like a lady, not like some "temporary pleasure." I give up on guys- until they can start acting like sane, rational, mature people, I just can't deal with that kind of stuff. "No time to play games."
Ok, I think I've sufficiently ranted for the evening. I think I'm gonna go read Plague and head to bed (sweet dreams?...)
"...Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."
John 16:24
And to make things worse, I ran out of milk- again. I should buy a cow; it'd be a whole lot cheaper. I go through a gallon in less than a week, and it totally ruins my mood to run out. Now I can't have cereal for breakfast, and no protein shake, and no milk and cookies. Oh dear. The woes of my life- however do I go on?
Speaking of the woes of my life, I am so very sad that the crazy BoSox are going to the World Series (for a second, I almost typed Super Bowl- I'm a big, fat moron who really needs to get some sleep...woah...). Now, let me just clarify that I am not some huge Yankees fan, but there is something about them that draws me to cheer them on to victory. It's something mystical, mysterious- perhaps I was brainwashed as a child. It seems like the embodiment of the American tradition- I can look at them playing now, and I can instantly picture the game as it was played a hundred years ago- seems timeless. And for goodness sake, think about all of the amazing players they've had- Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Lou Gehrig, Roger Maris- it's nuts! Going to the Baseball Hall of Fame is almost like going to the "Yankees Hall of Fame."
You know, it's very interesting, because I am so ready to be done with college and to get on with life. Not that this isn't life right now, but sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting, for what, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I'm taking advantage of whatever I can right now- I don't want days to go by wasted- but there's so much more than this out there, and I'm so ready to be a part of it. Everyone else seems to not exactly be looking forward to it, perhaps even scared of it. I just want to get on with it- let's get the show on the road! I'm so looking forward to having a career, maybe even a family- I want to travel and do huge, amazing things, but even the little stuff is exciting- I think I just want complete independence in the very worst way, and I just have to be patient on that one.
And ya know what? Guys confuse the heck out of me. I mean, come on, girls are so easy to figure out, because even though we have our emotional outbursts, we tell you exactly what we're thinking in the process (however stupid or unpleasant it may be...). I have never in my life understood a male- they are so weird!! Sometimes I wish I could get in their heads and see if anything is going on in there! Why do they have to hide how they feel? What purpose does that serve? Life is too short to bottle up all of that junk- just let it out. And what's with this drive towards the opposite sex? I guess it's harder for me to understand now more than ever, but I just don't get how a guy can see a pretty girl and instantly decide that she must be incredible and he has to have her (this has never worked in my favor- can't say I'm disappointed about that...). And whatever happened to old-fashioned gentlemanly junk? Half the guys who say they want to be gentleman, ok, well over half, don't know how. Ok, probably just speaking for myself, but there is nothing a girl wants more than to know that she is valued by someone for who she is, with no conditions, no "woops! changed my mind!," and no "only until something better comes along"- she wants to be treated like a lady, not like some "temporary pleasure." I give up on guys- until they can start acting like sane, rational, mature people, I just can't deal with that kind of stuff. "No time to play games."
Ok, I think I've sufficiently ranted for the evening. I think I'm gonna go read Plague and head to bed (sweet dreams?...)
"...Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."
John 16:24
10.21.2004
Hamster
Will this sorrow never end? My heart can't take this grief much longer. It seems as though my family's hamser, Zigmund, has passed on, kicked the bucket, is pushing up daisies, is taking a dirt nap, is swimming with the fishes, etc. Oh beloved Ziggy, you have gone on to a better place...
Ok, but really, I am sad, because he was a lovely little hamster- a very active little fella with his 2am sprints on his favorite hamster wheel or his escapades around the homeschool room in his ball. How cool would it be to have a human-sized hamster wheel? Can you think of anything more awesome than that? Or one of those ball things?! Don't even get me started...
Crazy, crazy, crazy week. I'm slowly reaching the point-of-not-caring- this is not the best time, considering I still have a lot to care about. Oh well, another worry for another day :-) "I don't want to go to crazy!"
Finally had that Red Cross meeting, well, sorta. We basically decided that we couldn't do anything until we met with Sandy, the Baldwin County Red Cross lady. Wonder when that'll happen. Hopefuly soon... Maybe she can meet at midnight- there's a slight possibility I'll be available then. I'm really excited about it! I want to see if I can get certified to teach the classes, and I want to find out how feasible it would be to be available for national disaster stuff- how cool would that be? Watch out crazy bad world! Erin's gonna fight back!
I've been in such an excellent mood this week- learning to be content with what you have, who you are, and everything else going on is a hard lesson to learn, but man oh man, it sure feels good! I'm so excited about God- He just totally makes my day! He's pouring forth so many blessings on me, I just don't even know what to do with myself. I had to make some admittedly not-so-fun sacrifices, but now He's showing me that I did the right thing- He's opening up so many opportunities to serve, I just love seeing how God can make everything happen!
We have our band concert tonight- should be good, I suppose. I love to play, but I kind of miss that time in my life where it was such a huge part of my life. I love music- I love to listen, I love to play, everything about it is just incredible- I think God is a musician. I bet when we get to heaven, we'll be sitting at Jesus' feet and He'll be playing a fiddle or something cool like that. Oh wait, I bet He loves jazz though- maybe He plays a little saxophone too. Something more to look forward to...
There will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. Men will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on in the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near!
Luke 21:25-28
Ok, but really, I am sad, because he was a lovely little hamster- a very active little fella with his 2am sprints on his favorite hamster wheel or his escapades around the homeschool room in his ball. How cool would it be to have a human-sized hamster wheel? Can you think of anything more awesome than that? Or one of those ball things?! Don't even get me started...
Crazy, crazy, crazy week. I'm slowly reaching the point-of-not-caring- this is not the best time, considering I still have a lot to care about. Oh well, another worry for another day :-) "I don't want to go to crazy!"
Finally had that Red Cross meeting, well, sorta. We basically decided that we couldn't do anything until we met with Sandy, the Baldwin County Red Cross lady. Wonder when that'll happen. Hopefuly soon... Maybe she can meet at midnight- there's a slight possibility I'll be available then. I'm really excited about it! I want to see if I can get certified to teach the classes, and I want to find out how feasible it would be to be available for national disaster stuff- how cool would that be? Watch out crazy bad world! Erin's gonna fight back!
I've been in such an excellent mood this week- learning to be content with what you have, who you are, and everything else going on is a hard lesson to learn, but man oh man, it sure feels good! I'm so excited about God- He just totally makes my day! He's pouring forth so many blessings on me, I just don't even know what to do with myself. I had to make some admittedly not-so-fun sacrifices, but now He's showing me that I did the right thing- He's opening up so many opportunities to serve, I just love seeing how God can make everything happen!
We have our band concert tonight- should be good, I suppose. I love to play, but I kind of miss that time in my life where it was such a huge part of my life. I love music- I love to listen, I love to play, everything about it is just incredible- I think God is a musician. I bet when we get to heaven, we'll be sitting at Jesus' feet and He'll be playing a fiddle or something cool like that. Oh wait, I bet He loves jazz though- maybe He plays a little saxophone too. Something more to look forward to...
There will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. Men will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on in the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near!
Luke 21:25-28
10.18.2004
Bluebird
So I'm sitting here listening to a little John Mayer (...wow...), and I'm in a mood- not a bad mood, but not necessarily a good mood, just a mood. Too many things to ponder, but even as I endlessly ponder, I am no closer to understanding- I guess God intends for it to be that way, and I've just gotta get over that- easier said than done. People confuse me beyond all reason.
This weekend was so, I don't know, weird. It was River of Life (where we stay with the "yoots" and work on people's houses and such- awesome experience, everyone should do it!), and I was really looking forward to it. Well, it started out horribly. Amy, Hannah, and I all met at Ms. Beasley's house and rode together to the church- on the way, we passed by a terrible accident. As we approached it, one of the paramedics unfolded a white sheet next to a stretcher- my heart sank. It's one thing to see something like that in the movies, but to see it face-to-face... I wanted to cry even though I didn't have a clue who it was- can you imagine how the family would soon feel as a police officer would be forced to tell them that their loved one was gone forever? As we drove by the truck, it became apparent that the person's body could not have possibly been taken from the vehicle- they must have found him in the woods, because the truck was upside down and almost completely collapsed upon itself- a sickening sight. Even the memory of it makes my head swim- that feeling that I'm sinking into the floor.
As we arrived at the church, I was able to push away that vision, but it still lingered. But the worship service brought my focus back to God and reminded me that He was still in control, even amidst such sadness. And almost in an answer to a prayer, in the middle of worship, one of the men at the church proposed to his (now) fiancee- wow, God is so awesome! Amy started crying, and I guess given the circumstances, I can understand (although I'm not quite that sappy... maybe...).
The next day was spent at the worksites- Ms. Beasley, Alex, and I were at Mr. Miller's house along with four kids (who were awesome!). We worked on his yard last year, and found ourselves having to do pretty much the same thing all over again (although, me being the genius that I am [...such a lie!] suggested pine straw to keep from having a repeat of that in the fall, so maybe we'll get even more done next time). I really enjoy doing that kind of work, even if it's sort of unpleasant at times (Mr. Miller has lots of cats, and their, um, odor was ever-present around his house- gross!)- Mr. Miller really appreciate it, and I know it's what God wants me to do (and it's fun!). It was nice to spend time with the boy in a different environment- I tell you what, he's a different person when he's not around everyone else, and I'm rather fond of that person- that's the one I could stand being friends with- the other one, not so much. And talk about awkwardness- every person on that site thought we were dating or that we should- and they said so! Woah! They said it was because we worked so well together (because we sure weren't acting like we were dating... I was being terribly bossy, only cause I knew I could get away with it- I'm not a very nice person, oh well). Mr. Miller actually point-blank asked the two of us why we weren't dating- given the the right time, I might've been compelled to rattle off why, but instead I just wanted to dig a hole and collapse into it. The kids were rather vocal about it to me, although I don't think they approached Alex about it. Even the lady who delivered lunch said something- how weird is that?! Makes me think, I'm not sure about what, but it evokes thought (I suppose everything does that). I had really hoped that this wasn't going to be an issue- I wanted to be on the site, because I knew it was where God wanted to use me- to minister to Mr. Miller. The rest of the weekend was good- interesting, I suppose.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about my friends. I cannot possibly express how thankful I am for a wonderful group of people who accepts me for who I am- people who don't feel the need to point out that I'm shy (interestly enough, I'm only shy around people who point that out... go figure)- who don't try to find my short-comings and challenge them- who can handle Erin when she acts like herself, which I will never understand! As I observe those around me, it becomes apparent that many people search for people to have a good time with- there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm so thankful that I've found people that are truly friends- I can be myself around these people, and so perhaps these people really know me- what a comforting thought :-) They can hold me accountable, make me laugh, be there when I cry (even if it's something stupid), listen to me when I go on and on about all of the amazing things I want to see and do (and actually believe that I can/will do these things, not just humor me- "So you still want to go everywhere?" like I won't actually do it! argh! I know it's not true, but pretend it's possible please!), be there for the late night/early morning talks, and accompany me on my random excursions, etc. They know my faults and love me still- how incredible is that?! I thank God for placing them in my life!
Change of mood, back to good! On to the Christmas music... (John Mayer kind of depresses me for some reason- I mean, "Split Screen Sadness" just makes me want to, I don't know, be very sad), a little Mannheim Steamroller ought to fix that- I'm such a nerd!
Oh, and guess what?! I filled out my absentee ballot- yay for Bush! He rocks my socks off!
I stumbled across my James (chapter 1) flashcards this weekend, and I think I'm gonna rememorize it- it's great stuff- I remember most of it, but I really want to get back into memorizing scripture again- I want my thoughts to be constantly dwelling on that, not on all of this crazy earth stuff. I've really gotta work on this "trust God" stuff- I know that I trust Him, but then I find myself worrying about the future or other stuff that I know God will take care of, and I have to smack myself around a few times to remind myself that I'm in God's hands- He's got my back.
Ok, I think I've sufficiently blogged for now. Gotta get some stuff done...maybe...
"Lord, I have placed you as a seal over my heart. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from your love."
This weekend was so, I don't know, weird. It was River of Life (where we stay with the "yoots" and work on people's houses and such- awesome experience, everyone should do it!), and I was really looking forward to it. Well, it started out horribly. Amy, Hannah, and I all met at Ms. Beasley's house and rode together to the church- on the way, we passed by a terrible accident. As we approached it, one of the paramedics unfolded a white sheet next to a stretcher- my heart sank. It's one thing to see something like that in the movies, but to see it face-to-face... I wanted to cry even though I didn't have a clue who it was- can you imagine how the family would soon feel as a police officer would be forced to tell them that their loved one was gone forever? As we drove by the truck, it became apparent that the person's body could not have possibly been taken from the vehicle- they must have found him in the woods, because the truck was upside down and almost completely collapsed upon itself- a sickening sight. Even the memory of it makes my head swim- that feeling that I'm sinking into the floor.
As we arrived at the church, I was able to push away that vision, but it still lingered. But the worship service brought my focus back to God and reminded me that He was still in control, even amidst such sadness. And almost in an answer to a prayer, in the middle of worship, one of the men at the church proposed to his (now) fiancee- wow, God is so awesome! Amy started crying, and I guess given the circumstances, I can understand (although I'm not quite that sappy... maybe...).
The next day was spent at the worksites- Ms. Beasley, Alex, and I were at Mr. Miller's house along with four kids (who were awesome!). We worked on his yard last year, and found ourselves having to do pretty much the same thing all over again (although, me being the genius that I am [...such a lie!] suggested pine straw to keep from having a repeat of that in the fall, so maybe we'll get even more done next time). I really enjoy doing that kind of work, even if it's sort of unpleasant at times (Mr. Miller has lots of cats, and their, um, odor was ever-present around his house- gross!)- Mr. Miller really appreciate it, and I know it's what God wants me to do (and it's fun!). It was nice to spend time with the boy in a different environment- I tell you what, he's a different person when he's not around everyone else, and I'm rather fond of that person- that's the one I could stand being friends with- the other one, not so much. And talk about awkwardness- every person on that site thought we were dating or that we should- and they said so! Woah! They said it was because we worked so well together (because we sure weren't acting like we were dating... I was being terribly bossy, only cause I knew I could get away with it- I'm not a very nice person, oh well). Mr. Miller actually point-blank asked the two of us why we weren't dating- given the the right time, I might've been compelled to rattle off why, but instead I just wanted to dig a hole and collapse into it. The kids were rather vocal about it to me, although I don't think they approached Alex about it. Even the lady who delivered lunch said something- how weird is that?! Makes me think, I'm not sure about what, but it evokes thought (I suppose everything does that). I had really hoped that this wasn't going to be an issue- I wanted to be on the site, because I knew it was where God wanted to use me- to minister to Mr. Miller. The rest of the weekend was good- interesting, I suppose.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about my friends. I cannot possibly express how thankful I am for a wonderful group of people who accepts me for who I am- people who don't feel the need to point out that I'm shy (interestly enough, I'm only shy around people who point that out... go figure)- who don't try to find my short-comings and challenge them- who can handle Erin when she acts like herself, which I will never understand! As I observe those around me, it becomes apparent that many people search for people to have a good time with- there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm so thankful that I've found people that are truly friends- I can be myself around these people, and so perhaps these people really know me- what a comforting thought :-) They can hold me accountable, make me laugh, be there when I cry (even if it's something stupid), listen to me when I go on and on about all of the amazing things I want to see and do (and actually believe that I can/will do these things, not just humor me- "So you still want to go everywhere?" like I won't actually do it! argh! I know it's not true, but pretend it's possible please!), be there for the late night/early morning talks, and accompany me on my random excursions, etc. They know my faults and love me still- how incredible is that?! I thank God for placing them in my life!
Change of mood, back to good! On to the Christmas music... (John Mayer kind of depresses me for some reason- I mean, "Split Screen Sadness" just makes me want to, I don't know, be very sad), a little Mannheim Steamroller ought to fix that- I'm such a nerd!
Oh, and guess what?! I filled out my absentee ballot- yay for Bush! He rocks my socks off!
I stumbled across my James (chapter 1) flashcards this weekend, and I think I'm gonna rememorize it- it's great stuff- I remember most of it, but I really want to get back into memorizing scripture again- I want my thoughts to be constantly dwelling on that, not on all of this crazy earth stuff. I've really gotta work on this "trust God" stuff- I know that I trust Him, but then I find myself worrying about the future or other stuff that I know God will take care of, and I have to smack myself around a few times to remind myself that I'm in God's hands- He's got my back.
Ok, I think I've sufficiently blogged for now. Gotta get some stuff done...maybe...
"Lord, I have placed you as a seal over my heart. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from your love."
10.10.2004
Caribou
It's odd how I feel compelled to share my not-too-exciting existence with the world, but alas, I find myself filling up my little piece of the internet with the details of my life that I would otherwise bore my friends with through face-to-face conversation- this is my way of doing them a favor, delve into Erin's life by choice not through the merciless torture of her forcing you to listen :-)
It was a pretty random weekend spent doing pretty random stuff. It came just in time- last week was quite a roller coaster ride, but this week promises to be a much more enjoyable roller coaster- not the too-many-loops, makes-you-want-to-vomit kind, and I am so ready for it! I went back to good ole high school on Friday night to see the half-time show, and the band was, of course, amazing- that's the only thing I sorta miss from high school, and even then, I only sorta miss it. We saw a bunch of people that we graduated with there (lots were on Fall Break- btw, what's up with us not having one of those?!). Then I went to the fair to help with our Shaklee stuff, and that was also how I spent the majority of Saturday. Mom and I went out for pizza, and then I came home for a nap before I made a feeble attempt to get some work done- Enemy of the State was on, so my attention was very much diverted.
I had breakfast with Katy this morning, which was so incredibly excellent- haven't seen/talked to her since August-ish. Church was really great this morning- Mike talked about anger- I think he looks into my life and picks his sermon topics based on whatever my issues are for the week. Btw, I'm doing so much better in that regard- no more anger- yay for God! We also had a carry-in lunch- I picked an excellent weekend to come home ;-) Great food- I tell you what, those ladies in church sure can cook!
But on a rather sad note, my car has asthma- no seriously, it's wheezing. Dad's gonna get it checked out- hopefully nothing too major. And speaking of Dad, he doesn't have asthma! Yay for God and making tests come out negative :0)
Isn't it just amazing how God is in control of everything? Sure makes me very happy- I'm not too good at being in control, despite my many attempts at it. He has a way of reminding us that we are in His hands- what a great feeling it is to know that God is gonna work all things out for good. Even though I don't know what's going on anymore, I am at peace, because I know that God is with me, guiding me if I will only follow Him.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
James 1:19-21
It was a pretty random weekend spent doing pretty random stuff. It came just in time- last week was quite a roller coaster ride, but this week promises to be a much more enjoyable roller coaster- not the too-many-loops, makes-you-want-to-vomit kind, and I am so ready for it! I went back to good ole high school on Friday night to see the half-time show, and the band was, of course, amazing- that's the only thing I sorta miss from high school, and even then, I only sorta miss it. We saw a bunch of people that we graduated with there (lots were on Fall Break- btw, what's up with us not having one of those?!). Then I went to the fair to help with our Shaklee stuff, and that was also how I spent the majority of Saturday. Mom and I went out for pizza, and then I came home for a nap before I made a feeble attempt to get some work done- Enemy of the State was on, so my attention was very much diverted.
I had breakfast with Katy this morning, which was so incredibly excellent- haven't seen/talked to her since August-ish. Church was really great this morning- Mike talked about anger- I think he looks into my life and picks his sermon topics based on whatever my issues are for the week. Btw, I'm doing so much better in that regard- no more anger- yay for God! We also had a carry-in lunch- I picked an excellent weekend to come home ;-) Great food- I tell you what, those ladies in church sure can cook!
But on a rather sad note, my car has asthma- no seriously, it's wheezing. Dad's gonna get it checked out- hopefully nothing too major. And speaking of Dad, he doesn't have asthma! Yay for God and making tests come out negative :0)
Isn't it just amazing how God is in control of everything? Sure makes me very happy- I'm not too good at being in control, despite my many attempts at it. He has a way of reminding us that we are in His hands- what a great feeling it is to know that God is gonna work all things out for good. Even though I don't know what's going on anymore, I am at peace, because I know that God is with me, guiding me if I will only follow Him.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
James 1:19-21
10.08.2004
Sheep
I just wanna be a sheep- baa, I just wanna be a sheep- baa, And I pray the Lord my soul to keep, I just wanna be a sheep- baa :o) For those of you who aren't familiar with this delightful melody, I am so very sorry- come see me, and I'll enlighten you.
So it's been awhile! Alas, my life is quite busy, as everyone else's is I'm sure. Since I wrote last, wow, that was last week- I'm a slacker. But anyways, last Thursday, I went and told Crystal that I had to depledge- just isn't in God's plan right now. And Crystal was really great and understanding, and I love that about her! It was so hard to do- I'm not so good at doing God's Will when it's so different from my own desires, but I feel so great now that I know I'm doing the right thing- it really is cool to obey!
So I guess that brings me up to the weekend. I wish I could say I did something terribly exciting like wrestle alligators or swim the English Channel, but I just had a nice, relaxing weekend at home. I did laundry, saw Shark Tale (which was good, but after Finding Nemo, other computer animated ocean movies just aren't as great as they used to be... ::oh-heavy-sigh::), and ate my way through Cumming. I got my hair cut- a crazy four inches cut off, and I could count on 2.5 fingers how many people noticed, but that's aok, because I like it and now I have to buy the ten thousand dollar flat iron to make it look like that everyday. Well, there ya have it.
And so began another week of fun in M'ville. It's been very busy- seems like I go from one meeting to another and don't really have any time to do, well, nothing. So I've decided to take my "nothing" time out of sleep time, which perhaps is not the best idea, but who really wants to sleep anyway? It's so overrated. I sat in the hall last night for a pretty good while saying hardly anything and about to fall asleep at any moment, but for some reason, I couldn't make myself go to bed- this is a habit that I'll have to break soon, or Erin is going to be pretty rotten, and we can't have that.
And do you know what? I have the most amazing friends ever! They totally make my day, and I am so thankful that God placed all of these great people in my life. They are an incredible blend of wit, recklessness, thoughtfulness, sarcasm, and good ole Christian love- if I have any problems, I can totally see God working through them.
Well, I'm off to the wonderful world of "hurry up and clean before health and safety inspections" and then off to count sheep (maybe sleep isn't so overrated after all...)
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:9-11
So it's been awhile! Alas, my life is quite busy, as everyone else's is I'm sure. Since I wrote last, wow, that was last week- I'm a slacker. But anyways, last Thursday, I went and told Crystal that I had to depledge- just isn't in God's plan right now. And Crystal was really great and understanding, and I love that about her! It was so hard to do- I'm not so good at doing God's Will when it's so different from my own desires, but I feel so great now that I know I'm doing the right thing- it really is cool to obey!
So I guess that brings me up to the weekend. I wish I could say I did something terribly exciting like wrestle alligators or swim the English Channel, but I just had a nice, relaxing weekend at home. I did laundry, saw Shark Tale (which was good, but after Finding Nemo, other computer animated ocean movies just aren't as great as they used to be... ::oh-heavy-sigh::), and ate my way through Cumming. I got my hair cut- a crazy four inches cut off, and I could count on 2.5 fingers how many people noticed, but that's aok, because I like it and now I have to buy the ten thousand dollar flat iron to make it look like that everyday. Well, there ya have it.
And so began another week of fun in M'ville. It's been very busy- seems like I go from one meeting to another and don't really have any time to do, well, nothing. So I've decided to take my "nothing" time out of sleep time, which perhaps is not the best idea, but who really wants to sleep anyway? It's so overrated. I sat in the hall last night for a pretty good while saying hardly anything and about to fall asleep at any moment, but for some reason, I couldn't make myself go to bed- this is a habit that I'll have to break soon, or Erin is going to be pretty rotten, and we can't have that.
And do you know what? I have the most amazing friends ever! They totally make my day, and I am so thankful that God placed all of these great people in my life. They are an incredible blend of wit, recklessness, thoughtfulness, sarcasm, and good ole Christian love- if I have any problems, I can totally see God working through them.
Well, I'm off to the wonderful world of "hurry up and clean before health and safety inspections" and then off to count sheep (maybe sleep isn't so overrated after all...)
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:9-11
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