Egret

Well hey there! It's been awhile, eh? So I suppose I should divulge the fascinating details of my break thus far. Brace yourself...

As most of you know, I spent the first week of break at my grandparents in the bustling metropolis of Tyler Hill, Pennsylvania. Just to put things into perspective, their post office is smaller than the one on campus (and interestingly enough has an emu living behind it- a perfectly logical place for such a huge bird to live, don't ya think?). The trip started out with a bang, or screeched to a halt before I ever left, if you will. I love Atlanta traffic. No really, I simply adore spending one hour moving at a snail's pace down 400 only to make it a lousy seven miles. I ended up taking MARTA so Dad could make a 10 o'clock meeting and so I could make my flight (I'm not too fond of missing flights...).

And while I'm at it, let me rant about our city's transportation. I got on the train at the peak of rush hour- 400 was a parking lot (as it always is), and the stinkin' train was not even half full! What's wrong with those crazy people?! We have this clean, fairly reliable, economical transportation at our fingertips, and most people who have the option to conveniently use the stinkin' train would rather sit on stinkin' 400 as the train rolls past them. What's up with that?!

Ok, I'm done. So I get to the airport, wait on no lines and stroll to the gate at about 10 o'clock. I decided to bypass my traditional coffee (I was in the terminal with Seattle's Best, and I have made this deal with Starbucks that I won't partake of their competitors if they will simply give me the best Cafe Mocha ever, every time I go) and I sat and read Crime and Punishment (which I am finding to be quite fascinating!). Now, let me preface this with the fact that I had felt like crap for the past several days, and that morning left me feeling the same. It was a fairly decent flight, except for the jarring turbulence at the beginning that brought back memories of one of my first flights- I was quite young, and the flight was a bit turbulent, but I distinctly remember my ears popping so badly that I just sat there and cried (I was probably 5 or 6 and not quite the rough and tough gal that I am now). Needless to say, by the end of the flight, I felt pretty bad- I mean, really bad. Um, it was a good thing I happened to come across that little white paper bag in the seat-pocket in front of me as I searched for the holiday catalog. However, I was very discrete, and I don't even think the guy beside me even noticed (not that I cared or could do anything about it...). And the worst part about flying into Philadelphia is that the winds are always so funny that even the best of pilots bounces down the runway- a perfect conclusion to the perfect flight... My grandparents picked me up, and we headed north. It began to snow about halfway through the drive (making the windmills invisible as we crossed over the mountains- boo hiss). I don't really remember reaching Rutherford Hill- I collapsed in bed and that was that. My grandmother was afraid to leave me the next morning before she found out that I was, indeed, still alive.

The rest of the trip was spent running errands into town, baking cookies for some families in the area who are having less-than-ideal times, crocheting, watching educational television (ask me anything about Alaska, ice roads, the construction of Paris, early airplanes...), and um, lots of other intellectually stimulating things. On one evening, we went to the Settlers' Inn, which is an amazing restaurant. It was all decked out in holiday decor- absolutely beautiful! Along with wonderful company, I really enjoyed butternut squash ravioli with mango cream sauce- yum. And I think I mentioned that my grandmother knows everybody- so this restaurant probably holds about fifty people, and my grandmother knew 6 of them (I counted!)- and this restaurant isn't even in their town! Crazy.

On the last day, we went back down to Philly for my one and only cousin Sara's sixth birthday party. It was really great! I just love my family so much- they make me laugh, and they're all so unique, but in a good way! Uncle Rich's family was there too, and sometimes I forget that I'm not a part of their family- they're awesome! And also equally wonderful is the fact that I'm taller than at least half of those crazy yankees! Woah! I wish I could spend more time with them, but alas, when you live that far apart, at least we get to see each other as often as we do. I spent the night at Aunt Lisa and Uncle Dave's, and we had pizza and rented iRobot, and life was good :)

So there's my vacation, folks. I know it doesn't sound too exciting, but hey, it was just what I needed and wanted- can't ask for more than some good, quality family time! I returned home to start Christmas shopping (I work best under pressure, as in, I finished shopping on Christmas Eve, and then started wrapping...hehe...).

I got some Katy time, which was wonderful. We had our traditional Monster Popcorn as we watched the Incredibles (ok, that's a lie, we got there early and finished the popcorn before the movie started- oops). Otherwise, it's just been crazy getting ready for Christmas, and I'm just getting over the recovery phase now. I was afraid I was starting to get sick, and then I was going to have to get mad, but it appears as though my body is just suffering from the inability to decide how it feels. Oh well. Finally got back to working out again and caring about my health and little stuff like that. No more sweets, no fried foods, and I think I'm going organic now. It's kind of sick what the FDA allows farmers to do to our meats and veggies and such. I know I won't be eating meat at Saga- no telling what it is- and I'm on the organic milk and Soy milk bandwagon now (oh goodness, don't get me started on that... did you know that milk is actually pus?). So yeah, health nut Erin is back, although most of you probably didn't realize she had gone :)

So yeah, Santa was good. We decided that we would only do three gifts this year, but somebody forgot to send Saint Nick that memo. I'm not complaining ;) I got a microwave, a vacuum, a DVD player, cool chime things, disease books, the 9/11 Commission Report, cds, Target giftcards, canvases, and other goodies. I'm spoiled rotten. Oh well, what're ya gonna do?

The Christmas Eve service at our church was incredible! It's hard to describe, but they really succeeded in getting across not only that we were celebrating Christ's birth, but we're celebrating why He came in the first place- to die for us. How easy it is to look over the resurrection as a part of the miracle of Jesus at this time of year. At church, they did one of those readings where they parallel the birth of Jesus with His last days- very powerful stuff- God was definitely working in our church that night!

And God has really been working in my life too, which is really cool! He sure is making things happen for me- it's incredible- a while ago, I decided that I was really gonna leave all of this stuff I was unsure about in His hands and trust Him to do as He will, and that's exactly what He did! I may have had to wait awhile, but my God is a faithful God and He keeps His promises- I just have to put my faith in Him. It took a long time for me to really do that, but now that I have, I just can't believe my eyes! Thanks God! You're the best :)

And so now, we are fast approaching the new year, which brings us precariously close to going back to school. I think I'm ready for it- let's get this show on the road, right? I miss you all, and I love y'all so much! God bless :)

"I fear that one day I'll meet God, He'll sneeze, and I won't know what to say..."

Emu

Oh my goodness! Just a few quick notes before I lay me down to sleep-
...the Galapagos Island trip is a definite go! Yay! And Amanda is my cabin-mate- how fun! We're the only students going...with Dr. Saladin... and Dr. Viau... and others, but woah, that sounds... interesting...
...and sad/happy news! I'm headed to Wells to be an RA next semester! My first reaction was excitement, because well, that's cool and definitely an answer to a prayer- thanks God. But I don't want to leave my great roomie and my great suite-mates and all of the other great people in Sanford! I'm so sad! I wasn't prepared for this, but prepared at the same time. And I should probably just go to bed and deal with all of the fun stuff I have to deal with tomorrow (aka meetings, studying, exam and unfun conversation). Oh sad day! I will miss this place so much! All of the "I don't want to study, so let's pretend to have something else really important to do" or "I'm experiencing emotional trauma; please fix it" or "I just want to have some good old-fashioned fun" or "I want to act like an idiot" or "Professors make me smoke weed and drink beer" or "Walking on Broken Glass" or "Every Rose has its Thorn" or " STUPID, WORTHLESS, NO-GOOD" or "Boys are dumb, throw rocks at them" or "You're such a granny!" or "You dirty Yankees" or "My God is so BIG!" or "You silly k-nig-uts" or "I could marry him right now" or "I don't whine." Well, that's where God wants me to be, and that's all that matters- He's got my back, ya know.

Goose

Finals week already- kinda creeped up on me. I'm very ready for this week to be over- it will be the end of lots of things that I'm ready to be done: physics, that class, and just this semester in general, which has turned into the most difficult thus far. I know that there won't be many changes come spring semester, but I'm ready for a fresh start. So many changes took place this fall that it took me the majority of the semester to get a grip on things. Now I can start the semester with a firm, solid grip on everything, so things should be better, I hope. We shall see. God's got my back, so it'll all be good- I just know it!

Among other things, I'm so ready to go to my grandparents next week- I need a vacation- managed to get through the summer without one, but now I want out! It's supposed to snow the day I arrive, and it's gonna be cold- for real! I'm so excited! Going to their house is a true vacation- we'll probably drive into town a bit to do some Christmas shopping and just browse (I think my Grandma knows everyone in that town, because everywhere we go, she stops to talk to people- we can't get out of a store in less than thirty minutes!)- my grandfather (affectionately known as Pops) wants me to sit in on a Habitat board meeting, and hopefully I'll get to check out the house they just finished and meet the new family- that's always fun! We'll be heading down to Philly for my cousin's birthday- I love spending time with the aunts and uncles- they crack me up! Some good, hard-core Yankees- ah yeah!

But alas, I find myself still at school contemplating what to begin first- my Christmas cards, my crocheting (yay for cheap Christmas presents...), or studying. As of yet, I am doing nothing- way to be! Brittany and I are ordering a pizza- I wish I had remembered that before I decided not to run this morning. Oh well, ten-thousand calories never hurt anybody, right?

This weekend will be nuts. On the way into town, I have to drop off my dry-cleaning, or else I won't have any sweaters for my trip, which would be disastrous. I have to make about fifty-thousand muffins (again, cheap Christmas presents) and throw together a quilt for my cousin. Along with that, I have to unpack all of the stuff I'm bringing home from school and then pack it up again for the trip. I have to clean my room and my bathroom. Um, I'm sure I can come up with something else. Oh yeah, I have to go to Chipotle with my daddy, because he loves me :-) And we're decorating the Christmas tree and making cookies. I think that about does it. Thank goodness I'm flying out of here- driving just wouldn't cut it...

There's not much else going on here- just the normal social junk, which I have learned to get used to- not much has changed since high school in a lot of ways- very disappointing, but what're ya gonna do? Everybody should just love Jesus, and then it would be so much easier to love everybody else! Why don't people understand that?! Oh well, I guess it's one of those "easier said than done" things.

Off to be productive! I hope you are all having a great Christmas season thus far! Don't be afraid to be joyful- come on, you can do it!

Isaiah 9:6 "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Panther

You know, I should really update more often, because ten thousand things have happened since I posted last.

I had an excellent Thanksgiving break! For the life of me, all of the fun little details of my lovely five day weekend escape me right now, but I believe all of the joyous moments were centered either around sleep or food- my two favorite things. Mom and I cooked a five-star meal for Thanksgiving, and Diane did her five-star cooking for my birthday. So yeah, I ate... a lot. And that whole no-sugar thing? Totally went out the window the first chance I got- hey, I had discipline for long enough. I believe my first sugar encounter consisted of ice-cream, some cookie goop stuff (I promise it's better than it sounds...), apple pie, eh, probably lots of other stuff too- I promptly took a delightful little nap. The b'day was equally delightful, spent in much the same way- relaxing family time is the way to go. On Saturday for "Girls Night," we went to Buca di Beppo for dinner, watched Finding Neverland (which was really great- Johnny was, well, wow.), and then we spent some joyous time in Barnes and Noble (and the essential Starbucks, of course). It was really great!

Oh my, I picked up the most amazing book at B&N- When God Writes Your Love Story. It's so great- everyone should read it. I like it, because it just puts into writing what I've been thinking and praying about lately- kinda helps me get a grip on things, ya know?

Um, let's see... after Thanksgiving, we came back to school and I continued to be the ultimate slacker- I tell you what, I have just about lost my motivation to be motivated. No more. I've gotta start getting myself pumped up for next semester- I figure, I should already be done with school, so I'll just pretend it's not there anymore (which is hard to do when you have to sit in class...). Lately, I keep beginning work with every intention of getting it done, but I get so distracted, and next thing you know, it's 1am, and I have this rule about starting work after 1am. Ok, that's a lie. But anyways, you know what I mean.

So, random highlights of my week...

I turned in my money for the Galapagos Islands trip, and thus far, they need three students for the trip to be a go. I can't even tell you how excited I am- I could do back-flips.

I spoke with one of my professors about possibly minoring in environmental science (eh, why not? I like the environment- it's so...green....), and she said that I could help her our with some of her research stuff (nothing huge- very informal, but still, really cool!). I'm excited about it! Her research is not exactly in an area that I'm planning on heading (hybridization patterns of some flower species, I think), but it's interesting, nonetheless.

I had another icky day of physics, after which I returned to lovely Sanford feeling ick, and guess who left me a message on AIM? Brooke! I was so excited, I can't even tell you- it's so nice to hear from old friends- seems like with some people, even though you don't really talk much, you can just pick up where you left off. Yay for God for giving us friends like that (sisters in Christ, partners in crime ;) and just people you can laugh with- wow)!

And I have had yet another revelation about myself- I am incredibly stubborn. In most cases, I would be annoyed with myself, but in this particular case, it just amuses me. My will to remain firm in this situation has almost become, to me, a test of my discipline. As much as I want to just be like, "Hey, this is stupid," I will not allow myself to do it- goes against everything I've been "fighting" for. Sorry that's terribly cryptic, but it's been making me crazy (and also rather pleased, in an evil sort of way- I really am a horrible person- oops). Agh, why don't people just talk!

Moving right along, I did my Christmas shopping for friends today and played Santa, which is just about the most fun thing to do! I love Christmas!

Ok folks, my head is hurting pretty bad (might perhaps have to do with my apparent boycott on sleep, but that's neither here nor there...), so I'm gonna put myself out of my misery before I start being stupid (eh...)

Turkey

For the first time ever, my title is actually relevant to this post- ah, be amazed.

I can't even tell you how ready I am for Thanksgiving- it's crazy! I'm so ready to spend some good ole quality time with mi familia- I miss those crazy people! Looking forward to doing even more cooking- in my kitchen! Woah! I do really appreciate the use of Gretchen's (she wins!), but when I use other people's kitchens, I feel the need to be somewhat neat and tidy, and that takes all of the fun out of cooking (not to mention, several of my dishes for the HEA thingy were made at my desk...certainly puts limits on the amount of spillage). I'm sure Mom won't mind if I fling flour, eh? Hehe, do y'all realize how fun it is to say "fling flour" over and over really really fast? You should try- don't worry, be free! Let it go!

Ok, so back to wanting Thanksgiving. I feel the need for a wee bit of a break from this place I like to call Milledgeville, not that I don't adore the traffic on 441 or the lack of fine-dining or the way this place seems to defy seasonal changes with a relentless grip on summer... I'm ready for a change of scenery- very ready. I think I'll drive through good ole ATL just to remind myself that bigger places do exist.

And do ya know what? I really like to eat, so Thanksgiving is my kind of holiday. Watch a bit of the parade, cook, watch football, eat, roll to the living room to recover, roll back to the dining room to have dessert (which I'll be able to partake of! oh my, I can't contain my excitement!), and somehow make our way back to the living room for the second phase of recovery, only to return to the kitchen at about 10:00 for a lovely turkey sandwich. Goodness, this doesn't sound like a very Christian holiday- I'll have to repent for my gluttony...

And hopefully, people will see beyond the eating to the real reason we have that glorious holiday, and we will remember all of the blessings that God continues to give and reflect on the past year, thanking God that we actually made it this far! God just rocks my socks off- I mean, I mess up a lot- a whole lot- and yet I can still feel His presence close to me- every day, He surprises me with something new- it's like an adventure! I really like adventures :-)

Oh yeah, and then there is that really great day after Thanksgiving... no, no, not Black Friday, even better! That's right folks- Erin will forever leave the ranks of teenagerhood and join forces with the adults. And do you know what I'm doing for my birthday? Eating! I'm pathetic. Oh well, it is a joyously pathetic existence! But I'll also get to do some more of that family bonding stuff (which, of course, takes place over food...) which will be incredible, I'm sure.

And, as promised, I came up with an amazing plan for my b'day, as celebrated with mis amigos- we're gonna go somewhere really great for dinner (not quite sure on that one yet) and we're gonna hit the Cheesecake Factory for dessert and then go to a jazz club. It's gonna be great!

I hate when you chew gum for too long and then it starts to taste like you're chewing a piece of rubber. Boo hiss. Brittany should buy higher quality gum for me to steal... (love ya, roomie!).

And let me just say, once again, that I hate physics. The end.

Trout

So it's Wednesday already, eh? Time sure flies, especially when you have a gazillion things to do, but that's neither here nor there...

I have managed to deprive myself of sleep to the point that I have started to lose mental function- what used to be reason has turned into emotional drivel. I hate when that happens! And not only that, but I lack the physical strength and energy to hold these little emotional outbursts inside. Add to that the fact that I actually have stuff to be emotional about, and you get a rather icky Erin.
Seems like my little "Are you sure You've got everything under control up there?" issues just won't go away. I trust that He'll make everything work out right, but when I don't understand what's going on, it gets a wee bit harder. Oh well. I'll get better.

I'm itching to do something new and exciting. This school routine of go to class (what?!) and study (hm...) and be otherwise beneficial to the campus and community and anyone else who happens to come along (woops...) isn't cutting it anymore- "not feelin' it, babe..." And do you know what? My fun little plan to go see the Thrashers get whooped up on by New Jersey isn't quite panning out- as in, I can't find tickets anywhere to the stinkin' game!! What's up with that?! So I have to try to come up with something else really amazing to do for my birthday- oh, don't worry, give me time, and I'll come up with something that'll knock your socks off, but I'm a bit sad. Too many disappointments...

I'm on the verge of committing to the Galapagos Islands trip, and I think this will vaguely fulfill my desire for something new, except I have to wait till May, and I may just explode with anticipation before then. I'm really looking forward to going to see the family in good ole PA- I enjoy doing the whole fly-by-myself, be-sorta-like-an-adult thing- my independence is something I don't know if I could do without- I love it way too much.

Do you know what would be perfectly lovely? A chocolate chip cookie. I would really love a chocolate chip cookie- in fact, I would marry it. Wow, temporary lapse back to childhood- I'm back. I'm so excited that it's holiday time- that means I get to spoil everyone around me with tasty concoctions! Happiness!

I really want to watch Anastasia. She reminds me of myself, minus the handsome fella who is absolutely in love with her, but I think God'll fix that someday- or perhaps I'll "get thee to a nunnery"- yikes, crazy Hamlet... But anyways, I think maybe my parents forgot to tell me that I was actually a princess, and someday I'll get to wear pretty dresses and wear a crown and live in a castle... in Ireland... with ponies... and a cute little fluffy white dog named "Fifi." Yep, that's right. You heard it here, folks- Erin's a princess. So yeah, I have the same color hair and I'm stubborn beyond all reason and I could be pretty in another lifetime and I'm Russian to the core, so I'm just like Anastasia. We're twins.

I wore my orange shoes today, and I think they have some serious side effects that includes something along the lines of mental breakdown. And I also drank a gallon of milk in about two days- I should buy a cow and keep it in my closet, so I could save some money, and also I kinda like cows, like the Jersey cows, cause they're Jersey cows, and when I eat a whole lot, I kinda feel like a Jersey cow, although I don't really look like one, so I guess it's not like with Anastasia- me and cows, we're not twins- and I like the white ones with the big black splotches, because... well, how could you not like white cows with black splotches? It's classic- black and white- so cows are classy.

Well, I'm gonna hunt down some mindless entertainment and boycott anything even remotely productive and maybe, just maybe, I'll get to bed before two... we shall see...

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.
Job 19:25

Walrus

A solid week has passed since I've updated this stinkin' thing, and I can't come up with one stinkin' thing to put in it...
I think I'm bipolar. I went from being perfectly happy and content to being really, um, not like that so quickly. It makes my head spin- I don't like it.
I started reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye again- not really sure why- I don't need any convincing on this topic- I've quite given up. It feels good, rather liberating to give up on that- and by giving up, I mean giving it up to God, and I think the Big Guy's made it pretty clear that I've been booted off of the dating wagon for awhile. I'm ok with that, and I can sincerely mean that for the first time ever- really, stop laughing :P It's kind of weird, because I feel absolutely nothing for anybody- another first. I realize that this can change quickly, but it's been like this for awhile- I thought it was a fluke at first- I tried to listen to love songs to remind me that I wanted that, but it didn't work. Woah, that's kinda sad now that I think of it... But anyways, now that I have this new found freedom, I really want to put it to good use and do something, I don't know, liberating, but alas, school has seeped over into that part of my life.
I have been so tired lately- I think it's pretty unhealthy. I started seeing spots before my eyes, and on occasion, my senses have been a bit warped- my vision will get blurry or my hearing will get funny- sometimes I feel a bit disoriented. Hm, that can't be good... Looking forward to getting a bit of sleep this weekend.
I've been on this "let's see if I'm disciplined" kick lately- kinda testing myself to see if I really do have control over what I do/say/think, etc. I've come to the conclusion that if I really want to be disciplined, I can be, but as soon as I start to question whether I should be disciplined in a certain area, I automatically lose all control (well, not all, but you know what I mean). One more thing to work on...
The weather started changing towards something a bit more acceptable for November, and I think it's caused everyone to lose their minds. There has been so much emotional trauma tonight, I can't even begin to explain. So many people are in pain for so many various reasons, it hurts to think about it. I wish I could be there for everyone- even though I never really have anything constructive to say, I want people to know that I care so much, and I'd do anything for them. I've been lacking in this area lately- I've gotta let go of my own little pity-parties so that I can be there for other people, ya know? I really think that this is one of the areas that God can really use me- to be someone people can turn to when they are troubled- but there are so many areas of my life that I have to give over to God if I really can be effective at that for Him. Agh! Why do I insist on trying to do things myself when God can do it so much better?!?! When will I learn?!
I am so excited that the holiday season is finally approaching! It always makes me happy- I love to spend time with my family, and all of those Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions, the old and new, give me warm, fuzzy feelings :) Something about this time of year just makes me want to praise God even more, which seems kinda silly now that I've typed it out, but there ya have it. Probably should praise Him a whole lot no matter what the time of year- oh boy, another thing to work on- all this reflection just seems to point out my inadequacies. Oh well, I suppose that's a good thing...
I'm sorry, did I say I didn't have a stinkin' thing to put in here? For someone who had nothing to say, I sure said a whole lot, although it's all pretty garbled and sporadic. My apologies. Did I mention I need sleep?...

Bandicoot

I have a few minutes to spare before I get to sit in a cemetary for the evening, so I thought I'd toss a few things out there.
This week totally had me deceived- I thought it was gonna be a mediocre, "won't kill you too much" kind of week- woops! I was wrong! Last night, I had class till, well, don't really remember when, perhaps 4:30? not sure, but anyways, after that was church. We talked about gentleness, and I realized (once again) that I really gotta work on that one. It was so interesting, because I never really thought about it in "God terms," only in human terms. God is pretty different from humans. Hmm, profound. So, we talked about how it was really when we submit ourselves completely to the Will of God- surrender to God's plan. I struggle with that- first off, it's hard to see God's plan, and sometimes when I think I know what He wants, it's really just me doing some of that human rationalization and justification- and second off, well, sometimes God's Will is so hard to accept! I guess He has His ways of making us accept it, one way or another- His Will will be done whether we say we accept it or not. It's a good thing! I'd be in a whole mess of trouble if that weren't the case!
Afterwards we came back to the dorms and watched the lunar eclipse- awesome stuff! God is so amazing :-) I enjoyed conversation with someone I haven't gotten to talk to in awhile. And then us crazy honors people went on a walking ghost story tour thingy with Harold around M'ville/campus or something. Yeah, so that was neat, but I had to bail early due to, I don't know, studying- interestingly enough, I came back and didn't get any of that done... Oh well.
Today was just nuts- that's all there is to it. I've run all over the world twenty times today, but I've managed to get just about all of the pertinent stuff done. Still don't know if I'm going home or not- probably will, but ask me in five minutes, and I might change my mind. I need a change of scenery- maybe I'll go to China. Tomorrow.
God is such a mystery to me sometimes. I can see Him doing His "God thing," but I can't fit it into the big picture yet, although I'm sure that, in time, it will begin to come together.
And those crazy BoSox won the world series- just whipped right on through there! I guess I'm happy for them, I mean, they haven't won since, what 1918? I guess they deserve it, so long as it doesn't happen for another 86 years... Just kidding, yay for Boston!!
And now I'm listening to Gershwin, and "Someone to Watch Over Me" just came on- boo hiss! Sappy song! Gotta fix that- how 'bout a little Benny Goodman- cool guy.
I want to go do something different. Maybe I'll climb a mountain this weekend. We shall see.

Rhinoceros

It seems like a while since I've updated (or perhaps just that a lot has happened), and I don't feel like studying physics, so let's attempt to make sense of the past couple of days.
Seems kind of ironic to me that my last post began with the death of my hamster, and now I must add to that the death of a student here at school, although they are by no means equal in magnitude of loss. I did not know him, although on several occasions, I was told to meet him, because he was a neat guy- I never got a chance to, and as a result, his loss hits a little harder. I feel terrible- he was young, and I'm sure he didn't see this coming- I don't know if he was prepared, in a spiritual sense, that is- I would inquire, because it is something that I am concerned about- had I made a point to meet him, I may have been used for some Godly purpose (although I know that God would have made it happen if it was supposed to- gotta remember that He's in control)- but the only person who would know is handling this in an... odd way- doesn't seem to be at all affected- I realize everyone deals with this stuff differently, but he's not acting like the compassionate individual I hoped he was (even before the death)- should have predicted that, so I won't dwell on it- old news, as far as I'm concerned.
I am slowly learning that I can't be a friend to everyone. Why is that? I want to be friends with everyone, but some friendships can be so draining, leaving no room for others (or they just make you fed up and crazy!), which therefore pushes other friendships (the real ones, as far as I can see) away. I'll be there for anyone when they need me, but why is it that some people don't catch on to that? I really do care! Why do they make it so hard?
Ok, so getting on with the weekend. We had Fall Fest on Saturday. Um, yeah, that was exciting.
Then we made the trek up to Cumming to the Bandmasters to see the good ole FOC be amazing. And they were amazing, but it was also really nice to see people I haven't seen in a really long time (Jeff, Clayton, Tonya, Adam, Ashley, Cass, and others that aren't popping into my head at the moment)- went to Steak 'n Shake and had some quality bonding time with Ana :-) Loads of fun!
Went to church this morning, and then to Atlanta Bread Company with mi madre for lunch. Went on a quest for fun looking moccasins, and after about three stores, I found this really weird pair of orange ones (not peachy orange, just flat-out orange)- ordinarily, I think I'd find them hideous, but I was in a qwirky mood, so I thought they were cute and everybody else says so, but I think that in their heads they're probably thinking "ew gross!" but I don't care because it enables me to add yet another color to a completely unmatching ensemble, which by-the-way makes me so excited that I don't have to match clothes, because I can so totally throw random colors on, but matching requires effort and I'd rather be lazy and a rainbow (how's that for a run-on sentence...).
Wow, ok, so then I drove back to M'ville, and it was not a fun drive, because I kept on thinking of un-fun things, and I couldn't turn my brain around to think about fun things, and so I arrived to church this evening in a rather exasperated, anxious state. But church was really great- Casey and Hannah did really great with worship (even with a few little blips, but I think it just adds to the character of the worship or something...) and Alex did a really great message (what a neat kid!). Had to jet after it was over- felt claustrophobic, if that makes any sense, which I'm sure it doesn't, because it kinda confuses me too, but I think it has to do with that friends stuff I was talking about, or I could just be a weirdo- not sure...
So that brings me back to the dorm. Was looking for something I had saved on my computer (my schedule for next semester, I think), and I ran across an online conversation I had with a friend almost a year ago that I saved. This topic has been a source of much controversy and confusion among my friends. He totally flirted and all that kind of stuff, and then, ::poof:: nothing. What a nerd. Anyways, the conversation was all "I stayed so I could see you" and "you're a really nice girl, I mean, young woman" and "does it really bother you when I tickle you" and other really girly (ugh!) stuff on my part that I won't mention. It's very amusing, because it's nothing like the way we talk to each other now- he probably doesn't even remember, but just for the record, he started it! I was an innocent, unsuspecting victim to his male fickleness. What is it with guys and just randomly changing their minds about stuff like that, and then pretending that they never really felt anything, in fact, it was me all along who liked him?!?! Goodness gracious, he exasperates me so. Ok, that was a really random, 8 months late rant. I'm done.
Ok, I'm really going to study now. For real. Maybe...

Goat

I think I've gone through the full spectrum of emotions in less than a 24-hour period- a pretty draining experience. I went from silly, almost giddy happiness to sorrow to rage to bitter disappointment, but I believe I'm slowly making my way back around to that giddy happiness again (it used to take me a full week to run through this cycle- I must be getting better at it- lots of practice...). I never like to believe that people may actually be, I don't know, bad. I always make excuses for them- deep down I know that I should not put faith in their character or integrity- people always let you down- yet I live in some sort of denial of that (and I'm not just talking about the obvious example here, there's lots of other stuff too that I'm coming to realize now). I wonder if it's healthy to have that kind of attitude- it's never been a problem before- it's only when I directly encounter a person's selfishness, bad intentions, or just plain lack of concern that I am hurt by this mentality. And if you look at the other end of the spectrum, where one would constantly question people's motives and not believe anything, well, that doesn't sound so good either. Now, I know there must be some middle ground, but it is so hard to find. Maybe I'll just be content to be wrong.
And to make things worse, I ran out of milk- again. I should buy a cow; it'd be a whole lot cheaper. I go through a gallon in less than a week, and it totally ruins my mood to run out. Now I can't have cereal for breakfast, and no protein shake, and no milk and cookies. Oh dear. The woes of my life- however do I go on?
Speaking of the woes of my life, I am so very sad that the crazy BoSox are going to the World Series (for a second, I almost typed Super Bowl- I'm a big, fat moron who really needs to get some sleep...woah...). Now, let me just clarify that I am not some huge Yankees fan, but there is something about them that draws me to cheer them on to victory. It's something mystical, mysterious- perhaps I was brainwashed as a child. It seems like the embodiment of the American tradition- I can look at them playing now, and I can instantly picture the game as it was played a hundred years ago- seems timeless. And for goodness sake, think about all of the amazing players they've had- Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Lou Gehrig, Roger Maris- it's nuts! Going to the Baseball Hall of Fame is almost like going to the "Yankees Hall of Fame."
You know, it's very interesting, because I am so ready to be done with college and to get on with life. Not that this isn't life right now, but sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting, for what, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I'm taking advantage of whatever I can right now- I don't want days to go by wasted- but there's so much more than this out there, and I'm so ready to be a part of it. Everyone else seems to not exactly be looking forward to it, perhaps even scared of it. I just want to get on with it- let's get the show on the road! I'm so looking forward to having a career, maybe even a family- I want to travel and do huge, amazing things, but even the little stuff is exciting- I think I just want complete independence in the very worst way, and I just have to be patient on that one.
And ya know what? Guys confuse the heck out of me. I mean, come on, girls are so easy to figure out, because even though we have our emotional outbursts, we tell you exactly what we're thinking in the process (however stupid or unpleasant it may be...). I have never in my life understood a male- they are so weird!! Sometimes I wish I could get in their heads and see if anything is going on in there! Why do they have to hide how they feel? What purpose does that serve? Life is too short to bottle up all of that junk- just let it out. And what's with this drive towards the opposite sex? I guess it's harder for me to understand now more than ever, but I just don't get how a guy can see a pretty girl and instantly decide that she must be incredible and he has to have her (this has never worked in my favor- can't say I'm disappointed about that...). And whatever happened to old-fashioned gentlemanly junk? Half the guys who say they want to be gentleman, ok, well over half, don't know how. Ok, probably just speaking for myself, but there is nothing a girl wants more than to know that she is valued by someone for who she is, with no conditions, no "woops! changed my mind!," and no "only until something better comes along"- she wants to be treated like a lady, not like some "temporary pleasure." I give up on guys- until they can start acting like sane, rational, mature people, I just can't deal with that kind of stuff. "No time to play games."
Ok, I think I've sufficiently ranted for the evening. I think I'm gonna go read Plague and head to bed (sweet dreams?...)

"...Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."
John 16:24

Hamster

Will this sorrow never end? My heart can't take this grief much longer. It seems as though my family's hamser, Zigmund, has passed on, kicked the bucket, is pushing up daisies, is taking a dirt nap, is swimming with the fishes, etc. Oh beloved Ziggy, you have gone on to a better place...
Ok, but really, I am sad, because he was a lovely little hamster- a very active little fella with his 2am sprints on his favorite hamster wheel or his escapades around the homeschool room in his ball. How cool would it be to have a human-sized hamster wheel? Can you think of anything more awesome than that? Or one of those ball things?! Don't even get me started...
Crazy, crazy, crazy week. I'm slowly reaching the point-of-not-caring- this is not the best time, considering I still have a lot to care about. Oh well, another worry for another day :-) "I don't want to go to crazy!"
Finally had that Red Cross meeting, well, sorta. We basically decided that we couldn't do anything until we met with Sandy, the Baldwin County Red Cross lady. Wonder when that'll happen. Hopefuly soon... Maybe she can meet at midnight- there's a slight possibility I'll be available then. I'm really excited about it! I want to see if I can get certified to teach the classes, and I want to find out how feasible it would be to be available for national disaster stuff- how cool would that be? Watch out crazy bad world! Erin's gonna fight back!
I've been in such an excellent mood this week- learning to be content with what you have, who you are, and everything else going on is a hard lesson to learn, but man oh man, it sure feels good! I'm so excited about God- He just totally makes my day! He's pouring forth so many blessings on me, I just don't even know what to do with myself. I had to make some admittedly not-so-fun sacrifices, but now He's showing me that I did the right thing- He's opening up so many opportunities to serve, I just love seeing how God can make everything happen!
We have our band concert tonight- should be good, I suppose. I love to play, but I kind of miss that time in my life where it was such a huge part of my life. I love music- I love to listen, I love to play, everything about it is just incredible- I think God is a musician. I bet when we get to heaven, we'll be sitting at Jesus' feet and He'll be playing a fiddle or something cool like that. Oh wait, I bet He loves jazz though- maybe He plays a little saxophone too. Something more to look forward to...

There will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. Men will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on in the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near!
Luke 21:25-28

Bluebird

So I'm sitting here listening to a little John Mayer (...wow...), and I'm in a mood- not a bad mood, but not necessarily a good mood, just a mood. Too many things to ponder, but even as I endlessly ponder, I am no closer to understanding- I guess God intends for it to be that way, and I've just gotta get over that- easier said than done. People confuse me beyond all reason.
This weekend was so, I don't know, weird. It was River of Life (where we stay with the "yoots" and work on people's houses and such- awesome experience, everyone should do it!), and I was really looking forward to it. Well, it started out horribly. Amy, Hannah, and I all met at Ms. Beasley's house and rode together to the church- on the way, we passed by a terrible accident. As we approached it, one of the paramedics unfolded a white sheet next to a stretcher- my heart sank. It's one thing to see something like that in the movies, but to see it face-to-face... I wanted to cry even though I didn't have a clue who it was- can you imagine how the family would soon feel as a police officer would be forced to tell them that their loved one was gone forever? As we drove by the truck, it became apparent that the person's body could not have possibly been taken from the vehicle- they must have found him in the woods, because the truck was upside down and almost completely collapsed upon itself- a sickening sight. Even the memory of it makes my head swim- that feeling that I'm sinking into the floor.
As we arrived at the church, I was able to push away that vision, but it still lingered. But the worship service brought my focus back to God and reminded me that He was still in control, even amidst such sadness. And almost in an answer to a prayer, in the middle of worship, one of the men at the church proposed to his (now) fiancee- wow, God is so awesome! Amy started crying, and I guess given the circumstances, I can understand (although I'm not quite that sappy... maybe...).
The next day was spent at the worksites- Ms. Beasley, Alex, and I were at Mr. Miller's house along with four kids (who were awesome!). We worked on his yard last year, and found ourselves having to do pretty much the same thing all over again (although, me being the genius that I am [...such a lie!] suggested pine straw to keep from having a repeat of that in the fall, so maybe we'll get even more done next time). I really enjoy doing that kind of work, even if it's sort of unpleasant at times (Mr. Miller has lots of cats, and their, um, odor was ever-present around his house- gross!)- Mr. Miller really appreciate it, and I know it's what God wants me to do (and it's fun!). It was nice to spend time with the boy in a different environment- I tell you what, he's a different person when he's not around everyone else, and I'm rather fond of that person- that's the one I could stand being friends with- the other one, not so much. And talk about awkwardness- every person on that site thought we were dating or that we should- and they said so! Woah! They said it was because we worked so well together (because we sure weren't acting like we were dating... I was being terribly bossy, only cause I knew I could get away with it- I'm not a very nice person, oh well). Mr. Miller actually point-blank asked the two of us why we weren't dating- given the the right time, I might've been compelled to rattle off why, but instead I just wanted to dig a hole and collapse into it. The kids were rather vocal about it to me, although I don't think they approached Alex about it. Even the lady who delivered lunch said something- how weird is that?! Makes me think, I'm not sure about what, but it evokes thought (I suppose everything does that). I had really hoped that this wasn't going to be an issue- I wanted to be on the site, because I knew it was where God wanted to use me- to minister to Mr. Miller. The rest of the weekend was good- interesting, I suppose.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about my friends. I cannot possibly express how thankful I am for a wonderful group of people who accepts me for who I am- people who don't feel the need to point out that I'm shy (interestly enough, I'm only shy around people who point that out... go figure)- who don't try to find my short-comings and challenge them- who can handle Erin when she acts like herself, which I will never understand! As I observe those around me, it becomes apparent that many people search for people to have a good time with- there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm so thankful that I've found people that are truly friends- I can be myself around these people, and so perhaps these people really know me- what a comforting thought :-) They can hold me accountable, make me laugh, be there when I cry (even if it's something stupid), listen to me when I go on and on about all of the amazing things I want to see and do (and actually believe that I can/will do these things, not just humor me- "So you still want to go everywhere?" like I won't actually do it! argh! I know it's not true, but pretend it's possible please!), be there for the late night/early morning talks, and accompany me on my random excursions, etc. They know my faults and love me still- how incredible is that?! I thank God for placing them in my life!
Change of mood, back to good! On to the Christmas music... (John Mayer kind of depresses me for some reason- I mean, "Split Screen Sadness" just makes me want to, I don't know, be very sad), a little Mannheim Steamroller ought to fix that- I'm such a nerd!
Oh, and guess what?! I filled out my absentee ballot- yay for Bush! He rocks my socks off!
I stumbled across my James (chapter 1) flashcards this weekend, and I think I'm gonna rememorize it- it's great stuff- I remember most of it, but I really want to get back into memorizing scripture again- I want my thoughts to be constantly dwelling on that, not on all of this crazy earth stuff. I've really gotta work on this "trust God" stuff- I know that I trust Him, but then I find myself worrying about the future or other stuff that I know God will take care of, and I have to smack myself around a few times to remind myself that I'm in God's hands- He's got my back.
Ok, I think I've sufficiently blogged for now. Gotta get some stuff done...maybe...

"Lord, I have placed you as a seal over my heart. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from your love."

Caribou

It's odd how I feel compelled to share my not-too-exciting existence with the world, but alas, I find myself filling up my little piece of the internet with the details of my life that I would otherwise bore my friends with through face-to-face conversation- this is my way of doing them a favor, delve into Erin's life by choice not through the merciless torture of her forcing you to listen :-)
It was a pretty random weekend spent doing pretty random stuff. It came just in time- last week was quite a roller coaster ride, but this week promises to be a much more enjoyable roller coaster- not the too-many-loops, makes-you-want-to-vomit kind, and I am so ready for it! I went back to good ole high school on Friday night to see the half-time show, and the band was, of course, amazing- that's the only thing I sorta miss from high school, and even then, I only sorta miss it. We saw a bunch of people that we graduated with there (lots were on Fall Break- btw, what's up with us not having one of those?!). Then I went to the fair to help with our Shaklee stuff, and that was also how I spent the majority of Saturday. Mom and I went out for pizza, and then I came home for a nap before I made a feeble attempt to get some work done- Enemy of the State was on, so my attention was very much diverted.
I had breakfast with Katy this morning, which was so incredibly excellent- haven't seen/talked to her since August-ish. Church was really great this morning- Mike talked about anger- I think he looks into my life and picks his sermon topics based on whatever my issues are for the week. Btw, I'm doing so much better in that regard- no more anger- yay for God! We also had a carry-in lunch- I picked an excellent weekend to come home ;-) Great food- I tell you what, those ladies in church sure can cook!
But on a rather sad note, my car has asthma- no seriously, it's wheezing. Dad's gonna get it checked out- hopefully nothing too major. And speaking of Dad, he doesn't have asthma! Yay for God and making tests come out negative :0)
Isn't it just amazing how God is in control of everything? Sure makes me very happy- I'm not too good at being in control, despite my many attempts at it. He has a way of reminding us that we are in His hands- what a great feeling it is to know that God is gonna work all things out for good. Even though I don't know what's going on anymore, I am at peace, because I know that God is with me, guiding me if I will only follow Him.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
James 1:19-21

Sheep

I just wanna be a sheep- baa, I just wanna be a sheep- baa, And I pray the Lord my soul to keep, I just wanna be a sheep- baa :o) For those of you who aren't familiar with this delightful melody, I am so very sorry- come see me, and I'll enlighten you.
So it's been awhile! Alas, my life is quite busy, as everyone else's is I'm sure. Since I wrote last, wow, that was last week- I'm a slacker. But anyways, last Thursday, I went and told Crystal that I had to depledge- just isn't in God's plan right now. And Crystal was really great and understanding, and I love that about her! It was so hard to do- I'm not so good at doing God's Will when it's so different from my own desires, but I feel so great now that I know I'm doing the right thing- it really is cool to obey!
So I guess that brings me up to the weekend. I wish I could say I did something terribly exciting like wrestle alligators or swim the English Channel, but I just had a nice, relaxing weekend at home. I did laundry, saw Shark Tale (which was good, but after Finding Nemo, other computer animated ocean movies just aren't as great as they used to be... ::oh-heavy-sigh::), and ate my way through Cumming. I got my hair cut- a crazy four inches cut off, and I could count on 2.5 fingers how many people noticed, but that's aok, because I like it and now I have to buy the ten thousand dollar flat iron to make it look like that everyday. Well, there ya have it.
And so began another week of fun in M'ville. It's been very busy- seems like I go from one meeting to another and don't really have any time to do, well, nothing. So I've decided to take my "nothing" time out of sleep time, which perhaps is not the best idea, but who really wants to sleep anyway? It's so overrated. I sat in the hall last night for a pretty good while saying hardly anything and about to fall asleep at any moment, but for some reason, I couldn't make myself go to bed- this is a habit that I'll have to break soon, or Erin is going to be pretty rotten, and we can't have that.
And do you know what? I have the most amazing friends ever! They totally make my day, and I am so thankful that God placed all of these great people in my life. They are an incredible blend of wit, recklessness, thoughtfulness, sarcasm, and good ole Christian love- if I have any problems, I can totally see God working through them.
Well, I'm off to the wonderful world of "hurry up and clean before health and safety inspections" and then off to count sheep (maybe sleep isn't so overrated after all...)

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:9-11

Lobster

I really love lobster- it is so wonderful. Did you know that the lobster is related to the cockroach- kinda ruins it, doesn't it? Sorry, don't know where that came from. Must be sleep deprivation taking a hold of my brain- bad timing, considering I kinda need that piece of gray matter for crazy tests, not that it'll do much good, since there's not much stored in it anyway.
So I've decided, well, God has decided that it's time to do a little life reorganization. Can't say that I'm exactly thrilled, but hey, if the Big Guy says "jump," you better believe I'm going to! Change number 1 involves SAO, and this is the hardest change for me to stomach. I really like it a whole lot- the girls are so awesome, and it has taught me a lot. But despite all of this- despite the fact that it's a Christian sorority designed to help me grow closer to God and to honor Him- God has said He has other plans, and I can't fulfill them if I am doing SAO too. I've gotten myself so wrapped up in meeting the requirements of SAO that I'm losing that fire I had for God before I started pledging. I know it doesn't have to be that way- that's my own mentality getting the best of me. I go to all of these meetings and Bible studies and all sorts of other stuff, but all I really want to do is just sit at His feet and be with Him. All I need is Him, and while I doubted that I had the spiritual maturity to grow closer to Him on my own when I first got back to school, I realize that the only way I can grow in Him is to be alone with Him- just me and God. It kind of reminds me of the "Heart of Worship" song- "when the music fades and all is stripped away and I simply come" etc. "It's all about you Jesus" not all of this other stuff- though it is good and brings Him honor and glory, I can't let the mere fulfillment of these almost "obligations" consume me. I just need to simply come into His presence- that's the only way I can have that relationship with Him that I desire so much. I know that God has put this hunger in my heart, and He wants me to give Him control over my life. While it is my desire to do SAO- it would be so awesome- God has revealed other plans to me, and much to my disappointment, SAO is not included. But more than being a sister in SAO, I long to be closer to God, so I will obey, even though this is no picnic- I dread having to tell them, but I know they will understand.
Change number 2 is one that I've known about for a long time. Everybody has their own really cool gift that God has given them, and God has given me a heart for service. Lately, I haven't really been using that gift like I know He wants me to. I anticipated getting involved with the Red Cross down here, but with SAO and other obligations (like class...), I haven't been able to pursue that. I've been focusing so much on myself that I haven't been serving others, and it makes me crazy! I don't want to do that- essentially by not using what I've been given, I am disobeying God, and I'd prefer not to do that- that's not so good- not to mention, I'm kinda tired of thinking about myself. True, I need to focus on my growth in Christ, but if I'm not serving others, I'm missing out- I'm not doing everything I can to work for Him. It's actually really awesome how God kinda plopped this one right in my lap- He's cool about stuff like that :o) Last night, I was praying a lot about what in the world to do about SAO, and did He really want me to do Red Cross, and was that really where He wanted to use me, and did it really not include SAO, so I basically was just like, "Alright God, I'll obey, but I need to know what I'm doing here! Please help! SOS!" Well, when I woke up with morning, there was an email about it from Kendall- I mean, really. God didn't waste any time! I have an appointment to talk with Kendall tomorrow, and she would like me to be Student Coordinator for it. I'm amazed at how my prayers were answered- God is so incredible! How cool is it that the King of Everything is listening to my prayers and even answering them- I mean, it just amazes me. Woah.
And there are many other changes that I won't get into right now and a ton of other prayers that God has answered in the past couple of days, but I should probably stop myself. Ok, so I have other prayers for God, like... help me remember Spanish and somehow have soaked up something from physics. But right now, I vote sleep.

It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
Ephesians 4:11-13

Aardvark

So guess what? I so totally love God, I don't even know what to do with myself. No, seriously, I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so discontent- like He has something planned for me to do, and I'm just not getting it. I'm trying to figure out what He wants me to do with my life, and the more I think about it, the more I just don't know. I thought I had it totally figured out, you know, do the whole Public Health at Emory and maybe a little CDC or Red Cross in there- I so thought that was what God wanted me to do. And I guess that's still a huge possibility, but for some reason, nursing popped into my head out of nowhere today. So great, if that's what God wants me to do, I'm totally willing to do it, but is that really what He wants me to do, because if it is, I gotta get started now! Goodness gracious, and it's so hard to think about what will happen tomorrow when I'm having enough trouble getting all the stuff that's happening today straight. Oh well, I know He'll let me know eventually, I just have to be patient (easier said than done...).
But anyways, I had a really great weekend :-) We went to the Shakespeare Tavern on Friday night to see Much Ado About Nothing, and it was so awesome! I love going and doing new things like that, and it's been driving me crazy that people around me don't seem quite as willing to have "adventures" so I was really excited to have a downtown ATL excursion. The show was amazing- I laughed hysterically! And afterwards, we decided that it would just top the evening off if we had some delightful Krispy Kreme doughnuts- "Hot Doughnuts Now"- have you ever seen a more beautiful sight? After getting our gooey-sweet-goodness fix, we made a feeble attempt to get back to 75/85, but apparently there was some women's boxing thing at Philipps, so they detoured traffic all over the place (or so I was convinced...). We got a nice little tour of the city, which was neat- I really like Atlanta. It's neat how every city seems to have its own distinct character and personality. Ours seems much more business-like than most, but it's hard to distinguish that at night. And on a side-note, I totally want to see Finding Nemo on Ice- how cool (eh...) is that?!
Saturday was spent doing random acts of cleaning, which produced rather disappointing results. Oh well. We had the SAO sleepover that night, and it was really fun. I enjoyed myself, because it was nice to get to know a lot of the girls that I hadn't really talked to before. I also realized that I'm getting old (or always have been)- I just don't get into that girly giggly sleepover stuff- don't get me wrong, I'd like to- it seems like loads of fun, but I just can't do it. All of the girls are so awesome- they make me smile :-D
Today was church and church, and uh, more church. I love Sundays! We talked about contentment in singleness (among other things) in Sunday school- I know God is trying to tell me that this is something I should be striving for (I've heard that message probably 37 times in the last week...), but it is so hard to do. I've talked to a lot of people about that, and I know I'm not the only struggling with that, so at least I have company, but boo hiss. Hannah and I talked about it some tonight, and I totally feel so much better- of course, I always feel better after I talk to Hannah! I am so amazed by her faith and her eagerness to serve- you can completely see God shining through her, and it's awesome! She's one of those people I've always looked to (well, since I've known her, which hasn't been that long, but you know what I mean...) as having the kind of relationship with God that I want. I'm working on it!
And so now I'm gonna try this bed thing out- I hear it's swell. I decided that I'm going to be super excellent about taking care of myself from now on- I'm afraid I have some recurring health issues, and I am going to fight it tooth and nail, even if I have to change how I eat, and for those of you who know me, that's pretty serious stuff! So #1 on the list is to sleep- we'll see how this works out...

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7

Termite

Do you ever have blah days? It's not a bad day, just kind of mediocre. I've been in such a good mood lately, and I don't know what happened when I woke up this morning, but I was just, well, blah. I suppose that since the only thing I had to look forward to was cramming for a lovely environmental science test, it was understandable. But I want to be happy! I have so much to be happy about, and yet all my mind seems to wander to today are the little nit-picky things that make me feel blah. It's not the actual things that happen that make me crazy (most of the time), but the way I can just toss an insignificant event/thought/conversation around in my head nonstop- I reach a point where my reasoning gets warped and I read all sorts of nonsense into nothing. Lately I have felt so secure in my faith- like nothing could possibly shake it. And I guess I still have that, but I feel like it's getting harder and harder to follow God's Will. It seems like there are so many difficulties arising- in some ways, it's good, because I am constantly reminded that I can't do anything without God, and yet if I want to have everything, all I need is Him (boy oh boy, I need constant reminding on that point...).
And while I'm rambling aimlessly, I might as well just keep on going...
I used to think I was an intuitive person. I thought it was cool how I could see things coming before they ever happened- I thought I could just reason things out and figure out what was going on (if that makes sense). But now I realize that it was God speaking to me all along; I just didn't know it was Him. In retrospect, I can see that God was preparing me for things I would have to deal with, and since I've realized that, I've tried to be sensitive to what He has to say to me, because if He's trying to prepare me for something else, I want to know before it happens this time, not to mention, how cool is it that God has stuff to say to me?! And since I've been listening, I can see how God is leading me to do what He wants me to do, and I've been trying to obey. It was easy at first, because I thought I was so ready to do what He wanted me to do- I really thought I could handle it. Now that I've taken that first step, one I truly believe He led me to, I'm realizing that this is going to be a lot harder than I thought. My mentality towards the situation was changed with a few simple words, which I believe God wants, but those few words have created so many new problems for me. Hm, this probably sounds like I'm talking in code... but anyways, my struggles have changed, and now I find myself running back to God wondering if He's sure this is such a good idea and is He sure I can handle this? Ok, so He's the All-Knowing God of everything, so if He says do something, I guess He knows what He's talking about- I can see now that the purpose of this situation is not to draw me nearer to someone else, it is to draw me nearer to God. Wow, that was cool- totally didn't see the purpose in this until just now- God is awesome! I feel better :)
Ok, off to do more work. Isn't that crazy? It's like they expect us to learn something in college- what were they thinking?

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24

Water Buffalo

I had such an incredible day, I just can't even begin to explain. Of course, if I did explain, people probably wouldn't find it as incredible as I did, but who cares what crazy people think anyways?!
As with most Sundays, I went to church. It was the first time I've heard our new minister when he's actually been our minister (or something...) and it was really awesome. I like the way he simply tells it like it is- no beating around the bush or any of that stuff. You can tell that he really knows his stuff too. Definitely has a heart for the Lord; really great guy. It was also good to see those familiar faces from church- they always seem to have a smile for you and make sure you know that they're glad you're home :) Then we went home and I ate the rest of some homemade pizza (I love Italians...) among other things. Ever notice that you eat at least ten times more at home than you do at school? Not good. Almost finished off a pint of ice-cream- woops!
Then I rode back home listening to a little Jars of Clay- I love them! Makes me happy :) Then I did the Bible study, SAO deal and came back to lovely Sanford. Ok. Not that exciting, but it was still great.
For the first time in a very long time (probably since March-ish), I feel like myself- it's great to be back! The passive, nothing-really-bothers-her (at least that she lets on...), isn't-really-with-it-but-doesn't-care Erin is back- commence rejoicing. It's amazing what happens when you really let go of all of that baggage and such and just give it to God- I kept on pulling it back, but I guess I reached a point when I just heaved it at Him because I couldn't handle it anymore- and He caught it! God is so amazing :)
But the best part of my day involves two friendships being restored to me. With the first, I reached a point where I was sick and tired of not talking to him- didn't make sense. I thought that he changed his mind about that crazy friendship stuff (and after my bizarre behavior, I guess I could've understood that), but I didn't want to continue assuming that this was the case without making him listen to my tirade. Well, the tirade didn't exactly happen, because when I found out that he, in fact, did want to be friends, I kind of forgot to tirade- I was so happy that I finally knew what was going through his crazy head. Now, things are finally fixed, and I am so excited! Next, I had to fix things (sorta) with another friend- ya know, communication has just been lacking in M'ville lately. It was so dumb- I wasn't really mad, but a little annoyed, and she thought I was mad and wanted to yell and scream (that would be so amusing :) I don't think I've ever done that before), but I didn't want to confront her, even though I knew I should have, and so we went through a whole week with awkward silences and just not really seeing each other at all. And now everything with that is fixed too, and I couldn't be happier :) To have lost such a great friendship over something so stupid would have been, well, just plain dumb. But now everybody is happy and talking and being normal, and I praise God for it!
And now I'm supposed to be studying for environmental science or something crazy like that. Guess it'll have to wait... I'm off to bed to dream sweet dreams (that don't involve tornadoes or hurricanes or floods- I gotta stop watching the weather channel...)

...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14

Gnat

Today's a splendid day. Not angry, quite happy actually :) I had to run to Kroger this morning to get stockings- boo hiss for stockings. I have my interview for ambassador stuff today- not really nervous- it's something I want to do- it would be cool- but it won't break my heart if I don't get it. I had lunch with Kelli, and she always brightens my day!
I'm off to the wonderful world of band, and then after my interview, I'm off to Cumming (again! can't get enough of that place). I was supposed to have a business meeting in Duluth, but due to icky weather, that fell through. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend :)

Toad

I had an awesome day today! I didn't run (which was, perhaps, not such a good idea- oops!), and I got up to leisurely eat a bowl of Special K and chug down my vitamins with a lovely protein shake. I went to my 11 o'clock Spanish class, and as I was walking out, I had every intention of meeting everyone for lunch. But when I left A&S, I felt like I was being pulled away from that- I've been wanting to go talk to Miss Beasley for awhile, and I finally went over there. Well...I stayed there for several hours, missed lunch, and missed environmental science (eh, I'm not a huge fan of the environment anyways). It was great :) She made me feel so much better, probably without even knowing it. The I went to accountability, and that made me feel better too. It's so great how God puts people in your life to help you through your struggles. He's so awesome!
Do you ever feel like somebody thinks they know how you feel, but they are completely clueless? I hate it when people make these assumptions. Maybe if they actually talked to you, they'd know how you felt, and then, maybe if they talked to you, you'd lose that anger that seems to permeate your every thought of that person. Boo hiss- I really gotta work on that anger stuff, although if I actually did express it, I think I'd totally shock this person. Judging by what I've seen and heard, I must appear weak and saddened in his unseeing eyes, when in actuality I'm experiencing a boldness of hatred that scares me- I don't want to feel that way- makes me feel rotten. However, when I am indifferent to his existence, I feel much better. Last night just happened to be one of those times when every thought was a constant reminder of why I am justified, by the world's standards, in how I feel (I guess that always happens when I see him). I wanted to experience that promised friendship, but unfortunately, that was just another empty promise (given the previous pattern, I should have seen that coming...). I struggle with the care I still feel for him, which seems completely out of line with the intense anger. I must be a schizophrenic. I know that God wants me to forgive, and I thought I had, but whenever I think about what happened, I want to scream. With time and prayer, I know that my heart will be healed, but I'm not a very patient person, and this doesn't happen overnight. Ok, this makes me sound really horrible, but I'm working on it- I know God is making it better daily!
Wow, that was a really random rant, but maybe it's not so random, since it's been on my heart for awhile. Oh well. I'll get over it- always do :)
We have that crazy bad weather coming through right now- stupid Ivan. I can't quite explain it, but I love bad weather! When I was younger, I wanted to chase tornadoes or fly those planes into hurricanes- how cool would that be?! I guess I still really love that stuff, because the thought of a possible tornado doesn't scare me- it's kind of exciting :)
I watched some of the news today in the honors lounge, and I was reminded of why I don't do that anymore. The lovely John Kerry was giving a speech, and it just amazes me how biased the media is. Ok, picture this- Kerry is giving a speech to a group of his supporters, and the reporter's comment is- are you ready?- "Kerry received a rousing standing ovation and an outpouring of support." Really? You mean, the people gathered to support him actually showed their support? What a novel concept. They're a bunch of geniuses.
Well, I'm off for a milk and cookies moment. Oh, and an oh-so-exciting development! I heard from the M'ville chapter of the Red Cross finally got back to me, and they want to meet me so I can get put to work! I'm so excited- I really think this is where God wants to use me! Awesome!

Duck

So how 'bout that icky cold that is running rampant across campus? I feel like I'm an astronaunt and I'm wearing one of those astronaut helmet things and whenever I talk it's like I'm talking inside this bubble and the sound echoes and bounces all around my head never really reaching my ears...
But anyways...
We had SAO Bible study tonight, and it was awesome- so much stuff that I had to hear- it amazes me how God can speak to me sometimes in such a clear way- feels really cool :) One really awesome verse that Crystal brought up (I love Crystal! she's so awesome! she always makes me smile) was Psalm 45:11- "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." God thinks I'm beautiful! Wow! I guess I've always struggled with that crazy physical appearance junk, but sometimes it's worse than others. And lately, I haven't exactly felt like a beauty queen- kinda feel blah. But hearing that verse, and just the whole lesson in general, made me feel like these crazy standards of today really are overrated, and for goodness sakes, the king of everything thinks I'm beautiful- who am I to bash His creation?! Uplifting and humbling all at the same time, if that makes any sense.
I really want to go to Boston. I think I'll start saving, and maybe in the spring, I can fly up there. Whew, that was random. I think I'm going through travelling withdrawals- money doesn't allow me to go the places I'm used to going to, and I really miss it. I get claustrophobic if I stay in one place too long- every once in awhile I need a change of scenery.
So how 'bout that studying? Eh, I'm not a huge fan of it, but alas, I find myself tethered to the books increasingly more (which is great, since I have an abundance of time to devote to that...). So off to environmental science, my favorite!

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever!
Psalm 118:1

Penguin

So I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I have officially succumb to peer pressure and got one of these crazy blog thingies. Next thing you know, I'll be smoking and swearing (because my "peers" do a whole lot of pressuring in those areas...).
On a side note, I just popped in one of my Movie Classics cds, and to my pleasant surprise, "The Promise" is on there- ah, definitely one of the most beautiful piano pieces out there. One of these days I'll figure out how to play one of those crazy pianos...
I just got back from a random run to good ole Cumming. Yesterday at about 4 o'clock, I came to the realization that I was losing my mind, and rather than stick around and let everyone be a witness to my, um, mind-loss, I got in my car and drove. Isn't it great to be able to do that? However, I'm the genius that decided to leave Milledgeville just in time to hit rush hour traffic- I amaze myself. I had a lovely visit with the family though- got there just in time for the Campbell family's traditional Friday night pizza. After a homeschool kick-off (where I was asked if I was in high school- boo hiss), I went home and watched tv for the first time in ten years. And for my viewing pleasure, out of all 37,000 channels, I chose Iron Chef- come on, y'all won't admit it, but you've watched it. I find it to be one of the most amusing things ever- it's the best comedy out there. Then I went to bed (ok, so I fell asleep on the couch- ssshhh! don't tell!). This afternoon, I mooched off of my mom and met her for Sweet Tomatoes (gotta balance out the pizza). All in all, a short but good visit.
I think I needed the drive more than anything. I had a chance to clear my head and spend some time with God. Last week was so busy, so I didn't have much time at all for quiet time, and it rained a lot, so I couldn't run (therefore eliminating a lot of God time). I have so much on my mind- I can't afford not to spend time with Him, and I was at my wit's end by Friday. I'm so much better now- God has this really cool way of lifting those crazy-heavy burdens off of your shoulders. Yay for God!