In lieu of studying, I have decided to spend some quality time filling out a little something I found on Brittany's LJ (thanks for the distraction, kiddo!)

TEN random things about me

10. I love un-pus milk (ie organic or soy) ;-)
9. When I sing really loud in my car, it makes me cough (?)
8. I was a giddy, blubbering girl today for the first time in a long time- it felt good!
7. I want to go to church right now
6. Someday, I'll get a kayak... in red...
5. Cooking makes me happy
4. I want to travel to lots of places... so much to see!
3. I value my independence a lot more than I probably should
2. Sometimes I get so excited about things that I can't keep my feet touching the ground- I have the ability to drastically change my mind/alter my plans in a matter of minutes
1. I'm ready to be all growed up ;-)

*NINE places I've visited

9. Piedras Negras, Mexico
8. Cooperstown
7. Los Angeles (ick)
6. New York City
5. San Antonio
4. Bar Harbor (my favorite!)
3. London
2. Sanibel Island
1. San Diego

*EIGHT things I want to do before I die

8. Finish school...
7. Raise godly kids
6. Own my own business
5. Go to India or China or Russia or Ethiopia or Brazil or Chile...
4. Oh! Get tickets for the International Space Station! That would be awesome!
3. Write a book
2. Plant a garden
1. Do whatever I can, whatever God wants, to bring honor and glory to Him


*SEVEN ways to win my heart

7. Show me that you care, don't just say things cuz they sound nice...
6. Have a passion for learning
5. Have a heart for serving others
4. Don't be afraid to lead me, although it may take some work...
3. Be tall, dark, and handsome ;-) ("Jesus makes people beautiful," right Gretchen?! awesome!)
2. Dream big, but trust God to do what He will with your life
1. Love God way more than you could ever love me


*SIX things I believe in

6. The healing power of chocolate (I feel better already!)
5. God will provide- He always does
4. The love of my family
3. Gravity (?)
2. The absolute truth of the Word of God
1. The love of God for His children

*FIVE things I'm afraid of

5. Economics tests... I should study...
4. Being deceived by someone I love
3. Letting my focus drift away from God
2. Something bad happening to my family
1. That the ants that have infested my room will eat me while I sleep


*FOUR of my favorite items in my bedroom

4. My vitamins ;-)
3. Pictures of favorite places, of family and friends
2. The bread that my daddy made this weekend (hey, I have my priorities!)
1. My Bible


*THREE things I do everyday

3. Sing
2. Pray
1. Laugh

*TWO things I am trying not to do right now

2. Bounce out of my chair (I've developed Brittany's leg twitch/spasm thing...)
1. Study (aha! I've found success!)

*ONE person I want to see right now

1. Oh wow, one person? That's crazy! I decline.

I hope midterms aren't making y'all crazy! Mine probably should be making me stressed or something, but hey, life's too short to be worried about silly tests :-) (this is perhaps not the best philosophy to adopt on this particular day- oops). Please, please, please pray for me, y'all. I have some hefty decisions that have to be made pretty soon, like this week, and I really want to make sure I'm doing what God wants. It's kind of risky (ok, big-time risky), but if that's what God has for me, He'll make it work, right? Right. Ok kids, time to go do rounds and make sure these psycho Wells kids aren't torching the place or playing golf/tennis/frisbee in the halls or mattress surfing...

I feel like God just lit a fire under me, and I just have so much to do! I'm not even talking about mid-terms (although, maybe I should be...) or all these crazy meetings that are popping up. I think I've just found my freedom- for real this time. I guess I've always been a "free spirit," "independent thinker" (woah, how hokey can ya get? eh, you know what I mean), but now I feel like I'm flying, just soaring above the mediocreness that is life. God is giving me revelations every day and it is so exciting! Things that I thought I wouldn't get to do till I was "grown up," well, God is showing me that I don't have to wait for anything- I'm prepared to tackle all of my dreams right now, and that's what I'm doing!

I've started my dissertation- perhaps I should get to grad school first, but hey, I figured, "why wait?!" Essentially, in starting that research, I've also started to get a grip on the business that I want to build after I get my degree (that really does have to wait a while though- I guess an education is good for something).

And I'm starting to work on some ministry opportunities that just rock my socks off- God has shown me how to use what He has given me for His glory, and it's really cool! More to come on this later (meeting this weekend about it...).

I feel like I've found my place, and yet, I don't even know where that is. Weird. Ok, maybe not so weird, my place is with Christ, so essentially, if I'm in His will, then I've found my place, right? Wow, what a feeling of peace :-)

Time for sleep- running with Gretchen in the morning, and then I have some lovely lectures for the rest of the day, and I promise, I'm going to study!

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
Psalm 143:10

Hm, just finished a little bag o' Teddy Grahams, and all that is left are random appendages in the bottom of the bag- what carnage!

Sorry, anyways, I really don't want to write my econ paper (along with other miscellaneous items of torture), so I feel that it is of utmost importance that I divulge certain details of my oh-so-exciting existence with the world :)

Had a great weekend! Made Mom and Craig dinner- a concoction of my own- was pretty good, if I may say so. Started reading for that class, and promptly fell asleep for the rest of the night... it was 9:00... I guess I needed it! Got up around 8 or so the next morning for another Shaklee meeting, which was just delightful! Worked on a brochure to use for doctors. Went to a Sunday School dinner/party/shin-dig- ate chili- it was good- ate brownies... yep, you heard me right, no more no sweets, I fell off the wagon, and when I say fell, I really mean took-a-flying-leap-into-oblivion, and it was good :-) Loads of fun laughing and having a good ole time with everybody. Went to church Sunday morning, went to lunch, ran errands, started back to M'ville.

Before I came back here, I stopped at the hospital to visit a girl that will be in Honors next year down here, hopefully living in Sanford- she was in a bad car accident, and she has a brain stem injury- not cool. I hate to see that- everything just snatched up like that. I started talking to her, and the nurse told me that she could hear me, but she probably couldn't understand. She's such a pretty girl, but she had all sorts of tubes and such stuck in her- very sad.

Drove home. Had a revelation in the car. I was bummed, because I can't do the Kentucky mission trip with my church this summer (alas, money and work really can't be completely dismissed), when I realized that I was a big fat dork! I don't need to go somewhere else to do missions- I'm gonna do it right here! Have a meeting with a guy from my church next Saturday to talk about that class and also to see about getting a local missions thing started- need prayers for this guys- definitely a God thing- didn't just come up with that on my own, and I want to make sure I do it His way- very exciting! I want to get started now!

Started reading The Body Restoration Plan (in lieu of the 3 books I have to read for econ...)- very interesting- kinda scary.

Ok, that's all I can come up with now, so I should probably just go ahead and get started with my work- boo hiss.

Very interesting past couple of days, let me tell you! Ok, well I can't tell everything, cuz you'd be bored silly, but I'll summarize...

Revival has been AWESOME!!! I just can't even begin to tell you how much God has been moving in the lives of those who hear Tony Nolan speak- it's incredible! I can't wait till tonight- what's God gonna do next?!

Gretchen and I tried the hard-core detox thing, and now we have to cheat, because we almost starved ourselves without even realizing it- I'm an idiot! I'm always SO critical of that kind of stuff, and I'm not sure what made me think this was something good or that would work or whatever- it just made me very VERY hungry (Jana can attest to that- "I get to eat?!") and completely wiped me out of all energy. So, a lesson for you kids out there, you need to try to eat more than 500 calories a day- I know it's hard, but just try. Oh goodness, I guess the bad part was that I was still running 30 minutes a day, so I was essentially burning off everything I was taking in before my day really even started- 4 pounds and 3 days later, I realized this couldn't be healthy. Note to self: Work on moderation, not elimination.

Started working on defeating a cold, and victory is near :-)

Started getting a decent amount of sleep- like 7 hours a night! Woo! Good stuff!

And the best news of all- my baby sister Chelsie is getting baptized!!! Yay for Jesus for saving my favorite baby sister :-) and me too!

And in other really exciting news, God is really providing for my family in amazing ways- well, He always has, but in the face of really bad stuff, God provided a way out that is far greater than anything I could've imagined! Goodness, He's pretty cool about doing that kind of stuff, don't ya think?

And ya know what? Totally off the subject, maybe, I don't know, whatever... Anyways, for the first time ever, I think I'm really content with how I look (minus the stupid zit that won't go away! DIE ZIT DIE!)- I realized that even though I've heard it all my life, I never really looked at myself and said, "Hey, this is God's creation, I should love it and take care of it and be happy with it, because God made me just like this!" But now I can honestly say that (ask me in a few weeks, and my hormones may cause me to say otherwise...). Wow, there's such a freedom and peace in knowing that.

And ya know what else? I am so blessed. No really, I'm SO very blessed- I don't deserve any of the people He has put in my life or all of this stuff that God has given me or the opportunities that He has laid before me, but there He goes, just providing exceedingly abundantly more than I need. Happy day :-)

So now I'm gonna go take a nap. Why? Because I CAN, that's why!

Oh wait, I have to be excited about Spring Break now- only 25 days till we leave, and I can't wait! It's gonna be a blast! It's been so long since I've been to NYC, and goodness, I just love Philadelphia (yay for being a history nerd!). And I'm so excited to get to show my friends where I grew up- good ole Point Pleasant (I promise, it's VERY different from that good-for-nothing tv show). Oh, and don't forget the food! Real bakeries, pizzerias, delis... oh wow, Mama D's, Hoffman's, Two Brothers... bagels, cheesesteaks, subs... My my, I'm gonna have to find time to run on this trip, or else! Oh, and at my grandparents, maybe they'll have snow, so we can go sleigh riding! Ok, got that out of my system, I'm done... for now ;-)

So... back to that nap...

Wow, so I've learned that a lot more people read this than I thought, so I should probably not post anything depressing, because y'all might check me into Central State or something, and as much as I'd fit in, I'd like to stick around here awhile!

Just for the record, I never said anything about guys being the only ones needing to grow up- hello! I'm a girl! I'm very familiar with our own immaturity, it's just a different kind. And I certainly don't blame all of my problems on guys- interestingly enough, I wasn't really taking about any of my own problems (that post would've been a whole lot longer!)- just crummy circumstances that I'm observing in regards to my friends, etc. and the common thread among many of the problems I see happens to be guys who just haven't quite, I don't know, grown up (granted, I know this isn't true of them all, so please don't get on my case for that!).

So... now that that's been said, let me just tell you that God has already started answering those prayers- I can't even express to you how amazed I am at how God is working in the lives of those I love- it's so exciting!!! God is so cool- can't really go into detail about what the Big Guy's up to, but it's awesome!

Tomorrow is Friday, and let me tell you, I've got exciting plans for the weekend ;) Ok, that's a lie- the only exciting thing that's happening (actually, exciting doesn't even begin to describe it- I should say thrilling!) is Sarah coming to visit, which will be awesome! I miss her so much, and I can't wait to see her! Oh yeah, and revival starts on Sunday night- woohoo! Almost a whole week of "yay Jesus!" time every single day- joy! Other than that, I have the honor and privilege of being on duty this weekend, and I can hardly contain my excitement- let me tell you, I love to spend my Friday and Saturday nights in Wells... hm, I don't think I've done that before... Needless to say, it's gonna be a wild party over here, so I better rest up so I can handle it! Oh, and another thing, my lovely friend Gretchen has decided to hate me and bake cakes this weekend, and she has the nerve to ask me to help! Goodness! That's ok, I'll just make something that'll blow Weight Watchers right out of the water- I'm terribly devious like that!!! And I've also decided to work on that astronomy class this weekend- you know, the one I was supposed to finish this summer- woops, funny how life gets in the way of school (eh, perhaps it's the other way around...).

So this Lent thing... yeah... not feeling it babe. Don't get me wrong, I want to grow closer to Christ, but I'm beginning to wonder if this is the way to do it. I've never done it before, and my track record thus far (all two days I've done it) isn't so hot. That whole not-hitting-the-snooze-button thing? Yeah, I stink at that. No sweets? No problem! But when you start messing with my precious sleep time, well, my sleep-drunken, subconscious has decided to ignore my Lent memo. My other resolve (of which I will not speak- I'm so mysterious, can ya stand it?!) has worked beautifully- easiest thing I could've picked, and I can see my focus shifting already to Christ- this, I love!

I love my family- they are awesome! The end.

"Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you."
Mark 5:19

Don't feel like sleeping tonight. I'm a psycho- I should jump at this opportunity to get some much needed rest. Too much on my mind, and for once in my life, I'd like to figure some of it out. I don't think that will happen anytime soon, but I'll give it my usual "noble attempt" and call it a night.

Why are so many people hurting and confused? Guys! That's the answer, stupid guys are causing a world of trouble for the people closest to me, and I hate to see it. Why do girls (and I'm one of those...) tend to measure their worth by what some stinkin' guy thinks? Why can't we be totally confident in our love from Christ? Why do we feel such a desire to fill some part of ourselves with another person? Why are we so impatient, and why can't we let God do His thing without us trying to interfere with His plan? Um, random question, but since when was it ok for guys to turn into raving lunatics?! And here's the clincher... when will guys turn into men?! People are in so much pain and have become so frustrated, either with or without. I want to fix it, but as was so eloquently pointed out tonight at Bible study, we can only fix ourselves (meaning, we have to let God fix us...); we can't fix other people (or punch them, whichever suits me at the moment!).

I wish I could pin-point what exactly my issue is with guys- lack of trust, my own insecurity, a general belief that they are, for the most part (I have managed to find a few gems!), jerks, fear, lack of faith- goodness, I just don't know. What I do know is that God is preparing someone for me, just as I am being prepared for someone else- and this someone will be able to handle all of my own issues, and hopefully he'll prove all of my fears and insecurities concerning men to be unfounded. Wow, God must be working pretty hard on that one!

My heart hurts, and I'm not quite sure why- maybe it's some sickness going around, because I don't think I'm the only one dealing with this. I'm not unhappy, don't get me wrong, but I desire for so many things right now, and perhaps if I would just learn to be patient (agh! not patience again!), I wouldn't hurt. Sometimes I can be so carefree that I forget that this world really is full of troubles, and I think I'm slowly being introduced to this realization (ha, that sounds really weird coming from me... can't believe I'm just having this realization...). Lately, it seems like the prayer request lists are dominated by sickness, much of it being seemingly incurable. And then there are those who just can't seem to stay 100% healthy, no matter how diligent they are with their health- I'll never understand that. I know many of the prayers that aren't mentioned. Why is it so hard to just get by? People work so hard- so incredibly hard, I can't even imagine- just to put food on the table, just to make ends meet, but it's never enough. I see the toll it takes on people's spirits, their health- seems to suck the life right out of ya. And I just want to get my stinkin' degree so I can start my stinkin' business and make lots of money so I can give it to everyone else, and then, they'll be able to take a deep breath and relax, just a little bit. I wish I could make life easier for people- it frustrates me so much to see how people have worked so hard to provide for me- to give me what I need and to make life easier for me, and there's nothing I can do in return. Someday, I'll make up for it, but once again, I'm very impatient for that day to come.

Ok, I think I've sufficiently ranted for the evening... morning... eh, whatever it is. Off to sleep and dream super pleasant dreams! And remember, "you're a little shining star!"

La la la... feeling random- and I'm wearing boring shoes, how did this happen?!?! I had a really good day today- I might even go so far as to say that it was spectacular- crazy, I know.

Went to phylogeny (aka bio 2 or something- heck, I don't know, I just show up)- didn't fall asleep, although I think this was mostly due to the fact that I felt like I was stuck in one of those really big freezers that they have at super markets- there was one at the bakery I used to work at, and I wasn't allowed to go in, because the floor was iced over, and if I fell and broke myself, I would sue them for lots of money, and they would be poor.

Went to Chick-fil-a to get what has become my daily buttered biscuit- I have to eat between classes or my stomach starts to digest all surrounding organs, and it's not a pleasant feeling. So yeah, lovely biscuit.

Went to chemistry- stayed awake AGAIN- I'm incredible! Test on Friday- should've studied for that tonight- oops.

Went to lunch. Ate with wonderful people who make me laugh and remind me that I would just go crazy if I weren't surrounded by even crazier people than myself :)

Went back to my room, and thus began a most joyous occasion that I like to call "nap time."

Went to run with Gretchen. Oh wait, first she had to sing me a song (that she's singing at church on Sunday), and she was, of course, incredible. And she has pictures of us that are amazingly cute and adorable (ok, that's a bit of a stretch- I can't really pull off cute and adorable, but she can, and it makes up for my lack of cuteness and adorableness?...). Ran in Centennial, which made me very happy, because while the whole cemetary/GMC run is wonderful and, um, un-monotonous, it was rather chilly and a wee bit on the wet side.

Took a shower. Yay for showers.

Went to church, and it was so great! I'm so excited, because, gosh, I don't even know, God just totally got in my heart and made me so very happy in Him, and I really hope I don't decide to be dumb and push Him out again like I usually do- don't want to reach that ho-hum contentment ickiness- blah. We were talking about I Peter, which I'm sure is a shock to all of you who know I'm in the I Peter class... anyways, check out 2:24- wow, God was speaking to me tonight! How cool is He?! It was like I just sat down and told God all of the stuff that was weighing on my heart, and He said that verse in direct response just to me- what an awesome thing!

We're doing a different cantata now- eh, we have over a month to pull it off, it's all good. We're doing Lion of Judah now, and my most favorite song ever is in it- Victory Chant- it's so awesome!!! I can't wait!

Went to Wal-Mart. Bought dinner- some chicken broccoli pasta something and Chex Mix-yum. Was immensely amused by the amount of food Gretchen had to buy for her brother and his friend so that they wouldn't wither away in the two days they'll be visiting- boys make me laugh! Was also amused by the lovely list of feminine products Kristin had to purchase for various suffering women- apparently half of Sanford (of the females that is- thought I should clarify, wouldn't want to confuse y'all) has a little visitor, and they weren't prepared! Oh dear! Disaster!

Watched The Village- awesome movie- not what I expected at all. And on a side note, I love Net Flix- everyone should get it (so that I don't have to...). Even my lovely mother has gotten on the bandwagon, which came in handy when we were iced in last weekend- some good ole Bourne Supremacy and Manchurian Candidate made me very happy.

Saw Harold for the second time in one day! Woah! We're on a roll! I have decided that he is very nice, because he says things like, "well, you're looking skinny today"- who says that?! That's weird, and I think he's got some kind of vision problem or something, but hey, I'm ok with that! He makes me smile :)

Walked back to Wells in the rain, because I'm the genius who left my umbrella in Jessica's room- that's ok, because I'm holding one of hers hostage over here, so we're even now. And I'm thirsty- finished my cup o' water- sad day- ok, not that sad, I should probably just go get some more...

Now you may look back at my day and think, "gosh that was pretty mediocre, what's her deal?" but I think it was swell. Please take note that the only even remotely academic thing that I did was go to class, and while I did note that I was visibly conscious, that does not take into account my mental consciousness. So there ya have it. A lovely rainy day. Bring on tomorrow, me and God, we can handle anything!

Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.
-Hebrews 9:27-28

I know some of you have said that you find some bit of encouragement when you read my posts (that is, if you still do), and to you, I apologize, because I'm sure I'm lacking in that area tonight.

I just feel blah. Just plain blah. I want to cry, and I don't quite know why. I think I realized for the first time today that I'm lonely. I shouldn't be- that's silly, because I'm never alone, but nevertheless, that's how I feel. I feel very isolated over here- seems like everybody is too busy to head my way, and while I really do try to go see people elsewhere, things have just been too busy for me lately to do that. And now that I think about it, I don't have anything to complain about- I'm always with somebody- so why do I feel this way?!?! Agh, I make myself crazy sometimes. I think it's that I don't want to be alone anymore- you know what I mean. But I have become so overly critical and narrow-minded towards men lately, and all of the implications that have accompanied that in the past are back. Boo hiss, this is too complicated to put in words. I'm tired. Not the haven't-had-enough-sleep tired (well, maybe that too), but the I-don't-want-to-deal-with-the-same-old-stuff-anymore tired. I'm trying so hard to put this in God's hands, and I don't think I've completely snatched it back (boy, that was a bad habit!), but sometimes I just get sad, ya know? I thought I was completely over the hurt of the past, but bam! another realization- I haven't been faced with the source of that hurt in so long, I just pretended it never even happened- not smart. Seeing him for the first time in so long, gosh that hurt so bad, I thought I had an aneurism or something- I don't think I've ever physically reacted to someone like that before. I hate that for him and for me. I don't think it affects him at all, since he really wants nothing to do with me, but it's not fair to him that I should still feel so badly towards him, well, maybe badly isn't the right word- bitter maybe? I don't know. And for me, man, how will I ever get free of this pain? It's not just that- things have just added up over the years, and when I think about it, I just want to cry and pretend it's gone forever. But it's not. I hate feeling like this- I can see God working through my life to help certain people, and it's awesome, but when I'm like this, I can't be used. Then again, maybe I'm wrong. God needs broken vessels, right? Well, I feel pretty broken, so maybe I haven't totally messed things up. I don't know. Ok, that made me feel better- a little blog-therapy, perhaps? Or maybe just a little God-work in my life- amazing how He can change your attitude if you let Him ("let" being the key word- I get a little stubborn sometimes...).