So I'm especially reflective on this lovely... eh, I suppose it's morning now. Whatever. I banned chemistry for the rest of the day, which was really nice, except for the first time this summer, I experienced boredom ::gasp:: Tomorrow, I'll have to study, because I can't stand being bored- so that's why I overload myself with stuff to do... I get it now ;-)

Have you ever stopped and wondered just how much God has protected you from? I'm positive He's kept me from some pretty awful stuff, and to be honest, I'm really surprised. I don't deserve to be kept from harm, from hurt, from all of the stuff life can be full of that is less than ideal. I know He's been doing this for my whole life, and for awhile, I thought He did it because I was just a little kid who didn't have any control over her circumstances, but He's still doing it! When I look at where I am now and where I came from, I'm amazed, because I know it was only God's leading that got me here- now that's love! It's exciting, because I wonder what else He has in store for me :-) At this point, I've just decided to roll with it- no more plans (well, I'm trying...)- I just want to allow God to guide me, and slowly but surely, He's teaching me how to do that. ::sigh:: Life makes me tired, but in my heart, there's a peace, because although I don't know where I'm going or how to get through, I know that He knows, and that's all that matters!

I've been feeling really weird lately. Can't put my finger on it. Can't sleep at night. Can't get the motivation to run (although I've been forcing myself to... pretty pathetically slow runs...). No motivation to study. Very introspective- scratch that- just plain spaced out. Feel like I'm walking, wandering through a haze of blurred thoughts, and none of it makes much sense- sort of overwhelmed, yet I feel like I have a grip on it all- wow, I think I've just thrown out the most random, contradictory assortment of thoughts. Fall semester will be nice- I need to settle into some kind of schedule- now, every day, every week, every month holds something different- nothing exciting, just something that throws off my routine- I really like routine :-) Don't get me wrong, I like spontaneity, but for those normal productive things we have to accomplish, I need some kind of structure. Ever feel like something's about to change that's really big? Maybe that's what's got me feeling so unsettled. Oh well. I'll deal with it as it comes.

Holy cow! I'm actually tired! And after eating a banana split with Autumn and Amanda (Bring Your Own Banana night at Brusters!), I suspected the sugar rush would keep me up till next spring- pleasant surprise! I think I'll read myself to sleep- started The Count of Monte Cristo- forgot how much I love that book- incredible book.

Off to count sheep...