Do you ever have blah days? It's not a bad day, just kind of mediocre. I've been in such a good mood lately, and I don't know what happened when I woke up this morning, but I was just, well, blah. I suppose that since the only thing I had to look forward to was cramming for a lovely environmental science test, it was understandable. But I want to be happy! I have so much to be happy about, and yet all my mind seems to wander to today are the little nit-picky things that make me feel blah. It's not the actual things that happen that make me crazy (most of the time), but the way I can just toss an insignificant event/thought/conversation around in my head nonstop- I reach a point where my reasoning gets warped and I read all sorts of nonsense into nothing. Lately I have felt so secure in my faith- like nothing could possibly shake it. And I guess I still have that, but I feel like it's getting harder and harder to follow God's Will. It seems like there are so many difficulties arising- in some ways, it's good, because I am constantly reminded that I can't do anything without God, and yet if I want to have everything, all I need is Him (boy oh boy, I need constant reminding on that point...).
And while I'm rambling aimlessly, I might as well just keep on going...
I used to think I was an intuitive person. I thought it was cool how I could see things coming before they ever happened- I thought I could just reason things out and figure out what was going on (if that makes sense). But now I realize that it was God speaking to me all along; I just didn't know it was Him. In retrospect, I can see that God was preparing me for things I would have to deal with, and since I've realized that, I've tried to be sensitive to what He has to say to me, because if He's trying to prepare me for something else, I want to know before it happens this time, not to mention, how cool is it that God has stuff to say to me?! And since I've been listening, I can see how God is leading me to do what He wants me to do, and I've been trying to obey. It was easy at first, because I thought I was so ready to do what He wanted me to do- I really thought I could handle it. Now that I've taken that first step, one I truly believe He led me to, I'm realizing that this is going to be a lot harder than I thought. My mentality towards the situation was changed with a few simple words, which I believe God wants, but those few words have created so many new problems for me. Hm, this probably sounds like I'm talking in code... but anyways, my struggles have changed, and now I find myself running back to God wondering if He's sure this is such a good idea and is He sure I can handle this? Ok, so He's the All-Knowing God of everything, so if He says do something, I guess He knows what He's talking about- I can see now that the purpose of this situation is not to draw me nearer to someone else, it is to draw me nearer to God. Wow, that was cool- totally didn't see the purpose in this until just now- God is awesome! I feel better :)
Ok, off to do more work. Isn't that crazy? It's like they expect us to learn something in college- what were they thinking?
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24
7 comments:
Codetalker making skin crawl, Kemosabi.
Humm, termites...Why termites?? Oh yes, termites have a way of eating away at things without even being noticed. Then, when you least expect it bam your house caves in. What's the ananogy here anyway? Termites are everywhere. For us though a termite might be something that eats its way into our very being and won't leave unless it is terminated by ourselves or an external element. Will termites come back if we don't take the necessary precautions? You bet. Do they change their nature at all? Not a bit. A termite is always a termite. If a termite escaped from one situation would it go right back and try again? Sure it would. Termites have termite brains. By the same token God has given us a house to take care of. Termites will try everything to gain entry and re-entry if were not careful. God built your house and placed your heart neatly inside. Recently HE has watered it, nurtured it and healed it. You have learned that termites are dangerous if not taken seriously. Termites attacked your house and by God's grace you stood. But they'll be back. Can your house stand again? Are you protected? What have you learned? The house may look so nice from the outside but whats inside the walls? God wants your heart to remain in HIS house. You don't repair your house with the termite infested wood you just took off. Termites...what a pest!
Hello "anonymous" :)
I like the termite analogy you created- very interesting (although when I picked "termite," it was really just b/c I couldn't think of anything else and I did a google search for "list of animals by name" and that was the one that jumped out first...). Please understand that I am guarding my heart from termites (and to think he was just referred to as "the boy"- termite is much more creative!), but it's termites in general that are the problem as well. Also remember, and this isn't an excuse- just a point, that a termite is a termite, but if the issue is maturity, while it may take awhile, that can change. Just my two cents
Blah days are God's way of shaking your world!
God loves you and so do I~~
Mom
E - Also remember, and this isn't an excuse- just a point, that a termite is a termite, but if the issue is maturity, while it may take awhile, that can change. Just my two cents
A - You are absoultly right. It can't happen while being distracted by the exact person who is accusing him of it either. He already has a mom and a dad. For this it should take at least another couple of years. It doesn't happen overnight or spring boarding off another relationship (or two) and back to you. Seek council from your church leadership. At least they won't have heart strings attached. It's probably the most unbias opinion you will ever get. School is too close and family has a vested interest in your well being. If you're up to the task. Do you have the strength? Are you willing to hear whatever is wise? It will be worth more than 2 cents. :)
E-Also remember, and this isn't an excuse- just a point, that a termite is a termite, but if the issue is maturity, while it may take awhile, that can change. Just my two cents
A-First of all we do every thing for a reason. You chose termite for a reason. It jumped out at you. That's your reason. Why? It doesn't matter in black and white just in the subconscience.
Now on to the above. Maturity doesn't happen right away. In fact sometimes it never happens. For this case it won't happen when the very person accusing him of immaturity is distracting him. Maturity doesn't spring board off of one relationship right back into something else. That's being implusive not mature. BTW We can all learn a little lesson from that. Four months does not even come close to obtaining a greater maturity then they had 4 months ago. Yes, you said it may take a while. Well in this generation sorry to say we want everything now. Just ain't gonna happen. Technology may give us everything we want now but we humans deal with emotions in slow mo. Exhibit E.
Some never quite get there. Cut us some slack here? OK! Experience would tell some one who just touched the iron that it hurt. Are you going to go back and touch it again? Maybe one more time just to be sure. It's still gonna hurt.
Wisdom...Oh yes, what does it take to obtain wisdom. Seeking council of others. Is school a good place maybe but a little too close, besides they may be going through their own trials. Family?? Too much of a vested interest in you. How about your pastor or pastorial staff. Yeah, that might work. Completely unbias, trained to council, biblicaly sound and willing to love you. Q:Tied up in knots? Do you really want to hear? Can wisdom work for you? Or is this too distracting to even consider that an option? Consider the moth. Focused but distracted by the light. They want the light but don't even know it's gonna hurt once they get there. If we could only get across to the moth that this is dangerous. There are so many more options to explore. Why get stuck in a rut. Wisdom is worth way more then 2 cents.
BTW - if this comes over twice my apologies. I may have hit the wrong button. :)
Hey A! Please do not misunderstand my frustrations- it is not simply a matter of dealing with one person- in fact, that's the least of my problems, but I'll explain that to you later.
I merely pointed out the maturity thing to try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I do believe that he will mature someday (although I doubt I'll be around to see it!). I am trying to maintain that sense of peace I have about the situation, and bashing his existence does not make me feel better. Don't worry- I will not make the same mistake again- please trust me on that- I have experience too, please let me use it to make my own judgments.
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