Bluebird

So I'm sitting here listening to a little John Mayer (...wow...), and I'm in a mood- not a bad mood, but not necessarily a good mood, just a mood. Too many things to ponder, but even as I endlessly ponder, I am no closer to understanding- I guess God intends for it to be that way, and I've just gotta get over that- easier said than done. People confuse me beyond all reason.
This weekend was so, I don't know, weird. It was River of Life (where we stay with the "yoots" and work on people's houses and such- awesome experience, everyone should do it!), and I was really looking forward to it. Well, it started out horribly. Amy, Hannah, and I all met at Ms. Beasley's house and rode together to the church- on the way, we passed by a terrible accident. As we approached it, one of the paramedics unfolded a white sheet next to a stretcher- my heart sank. It's one thing to see something like that in the movies, but to see it face-to-face... I wanted to cry even though I didn't have a clue who it was- can you imagine how the family would soon feel as a police officer would be forced to tell them that their loved one was gone forever? As we drove by the truck, it became apparent that the person's body could not have possibly been taken from the vehicle- they must have found him in the woods, because the truck was upside down and almost completely collapsed upon itself- a sickening sight. Even the memory of it makes my head swim- that feeling that I'm sinking into the floor.
As we arrived at the church, I was able to push away that vision, but it still lingered. But the worship service brought my focus back to God and reminded me that He was still in control, even amidst such sadness. And almost in an answer to a prayer, in the middle of worship, one of the men at the church proposed to his (now) fiancee- wow, God is so awesome! Amy started crying, and I guess given the circumstances, I can understand (although I'm not quite that sappy... maybe...).
The next day was spent at the worksites- Ms. Beasley, Alex, and I were at Mr. Miller's house along with four kids (who were awesome!). We worked on his yard last year, and found ourselves having to do pretty much the same thing all over again (although, me being the genius that I am [...such a lie!] suggested pine straw to keep from having a repeat of that in the fall, so maybe we'll get even more done next time). I really enjoy doing that kind of work, even if it's sort of unpleasant at times (Mr. Miller has lots of cats, and their, um, odor was ever-present around his house- gross!)- Mr. Miller really appreciate it, and I know it's what God wants me to do (and it's fun!). It was nice to spend time with the boy in a different environment- I tell you what, he's a different person when he's not around everyone else, and I'm rather fond of that person- that's the one I could stand being friends with- the other one, not so much. And talk about awkwardness- every person on that site thought we were dating or that we should- and they said so! Woah! They said it was because we worked so well together (because we sure weren't acting like we were dating... I was being terribly bossy, only cause I knew I could get away with it- I'm not a very nice person, oh well). Mr. Miller actually point-blank asked the two of us why we weren't dating- given the the right time, I might've been compelled to rattle off why, but instead I just wanted to dig a hole and collapse into it. The kids were rather vocal about it to me, although I don't think they approached Alex about it. Even the lady who delivered lunch said something- how weird is that?! Makes me think, I'm not sure about what, but it evokes thought (I suppose everything does that). I had really hoped that this wasn't going to be an issue- I wanted to be on the site, because I knew it was where God wanted to use me- to minister to Mr. Miller. The rest of the weekend was good- interesting, I suppose.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about my friends. I cannot possibly express how thankful I am for a wonderful group of people who accepts me for who I am- people who don't feel the need to point out that I'm shy (interestly enough, I'm only shy around people who point that out... go figure)- who don't try to find my short-comings and challenge them- who can handle Erin when she acts like herself, which I will never understand! As I observe those around me, it becomes apparent that many people search for people to have a good time with- there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm so thankful that I've found people that are truly friends- I can be myself around these people, and so perhaps these people really know me- what a comforting thought :-) They can hold me accountable, make me laugh, be there when I cry (even if it's something stupid), listen to me when I go on and on about all of the amazing things I want to see and do (and actually believe that I can/will do these things, not just humor me- "So you still want to go everywhere?" like I won't actually do it! argh! I know it's not true, but pretend it's possible please!), be there for the late night/early morning talks, and accompany me on my random excursions, etc. They know my faults and love me still- how incredible is that?! I thank God for placing them in my life!
Change of mood, back to good! On to the Christmas music... (John Mayer kind of depresses me for some reason- I mean, "Split Screen Sadness" just makes me want to, I don't know, be very sad), a little Mannheim Steamroller ought to fix that- I'm such a nerd!
Oh, and guess what?! I filled out my absentee ballot- yay for Bush! He rocks my socks off!
I stumbled across my James (chapter 1) flashcards this weekend, and I think I'm gonna rememorize it- it's great stuff- I remember most of it, but I really want to get back into memorizing scripture again- I want my thoughts to be constantly dwelling on that, not on all of this crazy earth stuff. I've really gotta work on this "trust God" stuff- I know that I trust Him, but then I find myself worrying about the future or other stuff that I know God will take care of, and I have to smack myself around a few times to remind myself that I'm in God's hands- He's got my back.
Ok, I think I've sufficiently blogged for now. Gotta get some stuff done...maybe...

"Lord, I have placed you as a seal over my heart. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from your love."