Goat

I think I've gone through the full spectrum of emotions in less than a 24-hour period- a pretty draining experience. I went from silly, almost giddy happiness to sorrow to rage to bitter disappointment, but I believe I'm slowly making my way back around to that giddy happiness again (it used to take me a full week to run through this cycle- I must be getting better at it- lots of practice...). I never like to believe that people may actually be, I don't know, bad. I always make excuses for them- deep down I know that I should not put faith in their character or integrity- people always let you down- yet I live in some sort of denial of that (and I'm not just talking about the obvious example here, there's lots of other stuff too that I'm coming to realize now). I wonder if it's healthy to have that kind of attitude- it's never been a problem before- it's only when I directly encounter a person's selfishness, bad intentions, or just plain lack of concern that I am hurt by this mentality. And if you look at the other end of the spectrum, where one would constantly question people's motives and not believe anything, well, that doesn't sound so good either. Now, I know there must be some middle ground, but it is so hard to find. Maybe I'll just be content to be wrong.
And to make things worse, I ran out of milk- again. I should buy a cow; it'd be a whole lot cheaper. I go through a gallon in less than a week, and it totally ruins my mood to run out. Now I can't have cereal for breakfast, and no protein shake, and no milk and cookies. Oh dear. The woes of my life- however do I go on?
Speaking of the woes of my life, I am so very sad that the crazy BoSox are going to the World Series (for a second, I almost typed Super Bowl- I'm a big, fat moron who really needs to get some sleep...woah...). Now, let me just clarify that I am not some huge Yankees fan, but there is something about them that draws me to cheer them on to victory. It's something mystical, mysterious- perhaps I was brainwashed as a child. It seems like the embodiment of the American tradition- I can look at them playing now, and I can instantly picture the game as it was played a hundred years ago- seems timeless. And for goodness sake, think about all of the amazing players they've had- Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Lou Gehrig, Roger Maris- it's nuts! Going to the Baseball Hall of Fame is almost like going to the "Yankees Hall of Fame."
You know, it's very interesting, because I am so ready to be done with college and to get on with life. Not that this isn't life right now, but sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting, for what, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I'm taking advantage of whatever I can right now- I don't want days to go by wasted- but there's so much more than this out there, and I'm so ready to be a part of it. Everyone else seems to not exactly be looking forward to it, perhaps even scared of it. I just want to get on with it- let's get the show on the road! I'm so looking forward to having a career, maybe even a family- I want to travel and do huge, amazing things, but even the little stuff is exciting- I think I just want complete independence in the very worst way, and I just have to be patient on that one.
And ya know what? Guys confuse the heck out of me. I mean, come on, girls are so easy to figure out, because even though we have our emotional outbursts, we tell you exactly what we're thinking in the process (however stupid or unpleasant it may be...). I have never in my life understood a male- they are so weird!! Sometimes I wish I could get in their heads and see if anything is going on in there! Why do they have to hide how they feel? What purpose does that serve? Life is too short to bottle up all of that junk- just let it out. And what's with this drive towards the opposite sex? I guess it's harder for me to understand now more than ever, but I just don't get how a guy can see a pretty girl and instantly decide that she must be incredible and he has to have her (this has never worked in my favor- can't say I'm disappointed about that...). And whatever happened to old-fashioned gentlemanly junk? Half the guys who say they want to be gentleman, ok, well over half, don't know how. Ok, probably just speaking for myself, but there is nothing a girl wants more than to know that she is valued by someone for who she is, with no conditions, no "woops! changed my mind!," and no "only until something better comes along"- she wants to be treated like a lady, not like some "temporary pleasure." I give up on guys- until they can start acting like sane, rational, mature people, I just can't deal with that kind of stuff. "No time to play games."
Ok, I think I've sufficiently ranted for the evening. I think I'm gonna go read Plague and head to bed (sweet dreams?...)

"...Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."
John 16:24