Don't feel like sleeping tonight. I'm a psycho- I should jump at this opportunity to get some much needed rest. Too much on my mind, and for once in my life, I'd like to figure some of it out. I don't think that will happen anytime soon, but I'll give it my usual "noble attempt" and call it a night.

Why are so many people hurting and confused? Guys! That's the answer, stupid guys are causing a world of trouble for the people closest to me, and I hate to see it. Why do girls (and I'm one of those...) tend to measure their worth by what some stinkin' guy thinks? Why can't we be totally confident in our love from Christ? Why do we feel such a desire to fill some part of ourselves with another person? Why are we so impatient, and why can't we let God do His thing without us trying to interfere with His plan? Um, random question, but since when was it ok for guys to turn into raving lunatics?! And here's the clincher... when will guys turn into men?! People are in so much pain and have become so frustrated, either with or without. I want to fix it, but as was so eloquently pointed out tonight at Bible study, we can only fix ourselves (meaning, we have to let God fix us...); we can't fix other people (or punch them, whichever suits me at the moment!).

I wish I could pin-point what exactly my issue is with guys- lack of trust, my own insecurity, a general belief that they are, for the most part (I have managed to find a few gems!), jerks, fear, lack of faith- goodness, I just don't know. What I do know is that God is preparing someone for me, just as I am being prepared for someone else- and this someone will be able to handle all of my own issues, and hopefully he'll prove all of my fears and insecurities concerning men to be unfounded. Wow, God must be working pretty hard on that one!

My heart hurts, and I'm not quite sure why- maybe it's some sickness going around, because I don't think I'm the only one dealing with this. I'm not unhappy, don't get me wrong, but I desire for so many things right now, and perhaps if I would just learn to be patient (agh! not patience again!), I wouldn't hurt. Sometimes I can be so carefree that I forget that this world really is full of troubles, and I think I'm slowly being introduced to this realization (ha, that sounds really weird coming from me... can't believe I'm just having this realization...). Lately, it seems like the prayer request lists are dominated by sickness, much of it being seemingly incurable. And then there are those who just can't seem to stay 100% healthy, no matter how diligent they are with their health- I'll never understand that. I know many of the prayers that aren't mentioned. Why is it so hard to just get by? People work so hard- so incredibly hard, I can't even imagine- just to put food on the table, just to make ends meet, but it's never enough. I see the toll it takes on people's spirits, their health- seems to suck the life right out of ya. And I just want to get my stinkin' degree so I can start my stinkin' business and make lots of money so I can give it to everyone else, and then, they'll be able to take a deep breath and relax, just a little bit. I wish I could make life easier for people- it frustrates me so much to see how people have worked so hard to provide for me- to give me what I need and to make life easier for me, and there's nothing I can do in return. Someday, I'll make up for it, but once again, I'm very impatient for that day to come.

Ok, I think I've sufficiently ranted for the evening... morning... eh, whatever it is. Off to sleep and dream super pleasant dreams! And remember, "you're a little shining star!"