What? I have a blog still? Shoot, I almost forgot...

Wow, so I'm sure something interesting has happened since I wrote in here last, but for the life of me, I can't come up with a blasted exciting detail to share. Boo hiss. I promise I'm not this boring- just been crazy busy. Got a whopping 7.5 hours of sleep last night and took a nap today- that's about as exciting as I get these days. Seems like now, more than ever, there just aren't enough hours in the day. I had to barracade myself in Wells last night (after realizing that I haven't spent a single non-duty night here doing, I don't know, homework, studying, etc.)- my current pattern is to be out at meetings or church or visiting people or goodness knows what else till midnightish and then come back and study- bad pattern- not exactly conducive to good health, normal brain function, you know, all of those semi-important things.

So in order to correct this, what do I do? I write in this silly thing (instead of reading about fossils [if I have to hear any more of that junk, I just may have to jump up and down and scream] and answering econ questions...). Oh well, it is currently 11:19- that's early- plenty of time to be productive.

But please don't misunderstand, that all sounds terribly unhappy and blah, but I'm doing excellent! So far, I'm keeping up fairly well in my classes- I mean, I've even been awake in them for the past couple of days- I'm on fire!!! And I've just been so blessed by my new church family- I just love it! Isn't it cool to know that you're right where God wants you? ::sigh:: Happy day! Jessica and I went to Matt and Heather's for lunch on Sunday, and I think she's hooked too- you just can't help but love all of those people (and their good cooking- hehe- Matt actually cooked, and it was excellent! yay for men who can cook!). Choir is so much fun! Those crazy sopranos- they rock my face off! And Wednesday night Bible study is really great- I'm in the I and II Peter class, and it's...interesting...Jerry is teaching it, and he's a very interesting fellow- he picks on me SO much, it's nuts! But he makes me laugh, and he's a really smart guy- knows his stuff- so I guess I'll let him get away with it! I've visited SO many churches in Milledgeville, but this is the first one I've gone to where I feel like I belong there. And it just makes me so happy to have a church home and to get involved in a church 100%, not just like before where I went to several different churches for different stuff each week. I feel like God can use me so much more effectively if I have that solid grounding in one place- before I was spread too thin in so many places to really feel like that. So yay for church and especially yay for Jesus ::smiles::

I've been thinking a lot about the future lately, and I'm so pumped! I can't wait to start taking some classes that are more in-depth in my major- you know, the kind that you feel like what you're learning may actually have something to do with what you want to do for a living...which, by the way, is still being a wellness consultant/nutritionist (eh, whatever you want to call it), which will most likely put me at Emory, although I'll have to get my Masters in Public Health first and then get my Ph.D. but hey, that's cool- I've got all the time in the world ::winks:: Oh, so yeah, I believe that I almost poisoned myself with iron- isn't that fun?! For various reasons that will remain unexplained in this forum (eh, most of you already know anyways...), I was taking just a wee bit too much iron, and I was getting that "I'm going to lose my breakfast or pass out" feeling, which isn't too enjoyable, particularly when you're in class... So anyways, I discontinued its use, and now I'm better, but slightly annoyed, because I'm borderline anemic without the stuff, so I gotta figure out what amount is safe to take. This is why I need to get done with my crazy education! Then I won't almost accidentally kill myself! Anyways, I've got a lovely doctor's appointment next week to address that problem along with another problem (that might possibly end up with another one of those oh-so-exciting surgeries...fun...), oh yeah, and another problem (I have to eat three times before lunch every day or my body goes crazy- I really hope that isn't normal- my parents said that I must be going through a growth spurt, but I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to have those anymore...), so please pray that everything is fixed and that I didn't do any permanent damage to my heart and that I won't need surgery and that all of my health issues will go away and that my body will stop hating me and that I will stop having to eat ten times a day (gets expensive...). Oh, so speaking of health and such, I'm so excited, because I've been doing so good about excercising lately- I finally got back into the swing of things, and I'm feeling great! Yay for taking care of our bodies! Oo oo! Twenty-six days of no sweets- how cool am I?! I'm so pleased/amused/surprised, because like five people that I know have either severely limited their sugar intake or eliminated it since I started my whole "find out if I'm disciplined by cutting out what I love most" gig. I'm so happy, because I know that people are being so much healthier, and it's neat that I may have had some part in them deciding to take their health just a little more seriously. Makes me smile!

You know what? Some day (hopefully soon, hey God, I know you read this, so I just wanted you to know that I'm ready when You are!) God's gonna bring me somebody amazing- a man of God, someone who seeks Him above all else- and this man will love me so much, because He will love God SO much. And maybe God will even bless me with a family, and I just can't wait to show my kids the love that God has shown me! And then, if I'm still around, I'm gonna be such a cute old lady! I'm gonna be one of those feisty little things, a real whipper-snapper that spends each day living for God- I'll be volunteering with a whole bunch of things at the church and in the community, doing all of that stuff that I really want to do now, but don't have the time for in this season of life- maybe I'll quilt or knit- or wouldn't it be funny if I was still out running at 80?! Goodness, that would be an amusing sight! And I know that I'll still have so many of the really amazing friends that I have now, and we'll have so much fun! We'll sit on my huge front porch in cool rocking chairs and sip lemonade (sorry, no iced tea in my house...) and laugh and have a good ole time, just like we do now.

Holy cow, this in so incredibly long! I'll try really hard to update more, so if y'all are actually compelled to read this stuff, it will be less to read. Ok, I'm done! I love y'all so much! And GO EAGLES (ah, that's gonna be a good game!)!!!

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:1-2

Holy cow, this semester is gonna blow me away! My mind is going five-billion mph, and I just can't seem to put the brakes on.
Classes this semester shouldn't be too hard, just a lot of work to keep up with them. Interestingly enough, I think my sciences are the easiest (perhaps that's because I enjoy them or something- heh, I don't know...)- phylogeny is strictly lecture-based, so I don't have reading to keep up with, which is a dream come true. Chemistry shouldn't be too difficult, and that was the one I was most concerned about. Economics, however, is a different story- there's a ton of reading, and while I think I hold my own on knowing the basics (that's where libertarian thought comes in handy), I have a feeling I'm gonna have to study like crazy as the semester progresses. And the Creation/Evolution deal? Woah, that one is the worst- there is SO MUCH reading, and it's one of those subjects that I would personally feel bad about not doing well in- very deep, personal feelings about the subject, so I want to do it justice, ya know? And unfortunately, in order to do it justice, I have to read everything in sight about the subject. Great, I have loads of time for that. Add to that the RA stuff (which has smoothed out lately- no illegal activity, yay!!) and trying to get Red Cross up and running for the semester along with really wanting to build my Shaklee business and perhaps getting back in shape (boy did I slack over the break...) and church stuff (ie choir which is so much fun and Bible studies and five bazillion services) and oh, I don't know, planning my future (as a "wellness consultant"- hehe- more to come on that...) and maybe, just maybe, getting some sleep.

I had a lovely little revelation the other day- I think I figured out one of the really important reasons that I had to go through all of that social drama crap last year (aside from reminding me that, eh, well, nevermind...)- since then, I have had the opportunity to help so many of my friends go through various issues and such, and if I hadn't had my own fun little experience, I never would have been able to be there for them like I can be now. I guess there's an advantage to seeing an array of mishaps. I had a surprising lapse back into anger over that yesterday- kinda weird- got over it pretty quick this time without feeling the need to yell or hit something, so I guess I'm doing good :)

And I've also been really excited about the future lately. I can't help but smile when I think of the kind of man that I know God will bring into my life, and even though I'm beginning to have my doubts as to whether I'll meet him in M'ville, I know he's out there somewhere, and at just the right moment, there he'll be. Hehe, ok, done with the girly dreaming now :) But I've also vaguely decided what I want to do when I finish here. Well, I actually may add an exercise science major (double major, no problem, why not?!) and then go get a masters in nutrition from Georgia State, which would enable me to live outside the city and commute and work (for to make money, I could use some of that stuff...). After that, I want to start my own business in which I would be a "wellness consultant," working with people with various health problems to help them take control of their health and also people who just want to live healthier lives (whether to lose weight or with busy moms who need some help taking care of themselves so that they can better take care of their families). I think it sounds awesome! I got a little way to go before I reach that point, but I tell you what, I'm ready to get the show on the road! No time to play games! ;)

Goodness, I gotta run and get some stuff done for tomorrow- more reading. Great.

Happy MLK Day :)

So the last couple of days have been interesting, yeah, interesting is the word I would use. I must be kind of dumb, because I had this crazy idea in my head that I'd get back to school and wouldn't have all that much to do, and I'd have time to get other things done, like decorate, clean, do that astronomy class I was supposed to finish this summer... But alas, I have been just as busy as if I had to attend class- big disappointment, at least in the sense that I've not gotten some rather crucial things done (what's new?), but I've been so blessed in these past few days that I've decided that I'm ok with that :)

As far as the RA stuff goes, well, I'm beginning to realize I'm in way over my head, but apparently that's ok and normal (or so they say...). I've already had to deal with some unusual situations that were not anticipated, and while I think I'm doing an aok job thus far, we haven't even really started and there's already minor "problems." We'll see how this goes as I get in a little deeper.

I've been super productive with getting the rest of my life in order, which makes me very happy- who knew it was possible?! God has given me such wonderful Christian friends that I just don't quite know what to do with myself! I am amazed by these people- I can see God working through them to teach me so many lessons, and that's just so cool. Like with Gretchen, it's so awesome to see how God will show her something in her quiet time that is what I need to hear and vice versa. And with Brittany, how our lives parallel each other, so we can pull each other through "stuff." I really don't know how I would get by without them, and while I know that I can fully rely on God to help me get through anything, it's so incredible to know that He's placed these people in my life to also help do what He wants to do in my life. Wow. What an awesome God!

I had another revelation tonight that just totally rocked my socks off. God has closed the door on some friendships that I really thought He wanted me to have- that I really thought could honor Him- and I've been disappointed about it. Well, you know that saying, "When God closes a door, He opens a window" or something like that? I have been witnessing that in my own life. When that door was shut (perhaps slammed is a better word...) in my face once again, I realized that since that whole fiasco, God has brought me so many incredible Godly friends that I can truly rely on, because above all else, they are seeking God's face- He didn't leave me hanging out here- He's totally provided for me and then some, and I am so thankful for it! As far as that all goes, he will always be in my prayers, but I guess that's it, and I'm ok with that. I feel like I've learned more in the last week than I've learned in a lifetime, because the lessons are ones that are the kind that will guide me through eternity. Oh wow, I love Jesus :)

So yay for learning RA stuff, and yay for friends, and most of all, yay for God- that about sums up my week.

I talked to mom tonight, and once again (she's getting an early start this year...), she's got some funny (eh, maybe not too funny) medical problem that the doctors can't quite figure out, and if it doesn't correct itself shortly, we'll be saying "yay for surgery." Please pray for her as she's healing right now and that hopefully surgery can be avoided.

Well, other than all of that, I think I'm done for now. I'm wiped out completely. Gotta get some beauty sleep, but at this point, I think it may be too late. Oh well. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that guys are scum. Really, just about every single one of them. Ya know, I just don't like how guys treat girls these days- makes a girl feel so trashy sometimes- what makes them think that's acceptable (and really, when ya look at me, what makes them think I'm one of those types anyways?!). Boo hiss. That whole Saudi Arabia burka deal? I'm all for it. It's that or blind all men.

Ok, I'm done.

Jesus is amazing. The End :)

Revelations...

Happy New Year, folks! Sorry I'm a bit late on that, but there ya have it.

So I moved into my new room in Wells today. Cool. Had some much-needed help from mi madre, and we had loads of fun carting all of my stuff upstairs via the *elevator* (aw, come on, I know y'all are jealous...) and putting together my futon and various other pieces of "furniture" that me and my ever-so-creative father concocted. Yay for cheap alternatives to otherwise expensive pieces of furniture (who knew you could turn a rake holder thingy into an "entertainment center?" how cool are we?!). Everyone should come and visit so y'all can get the total experience. All I'm lacking right now are some pieces of artwork from my aunt, and then my little corner of blissful relaxation will be complete. I just have to say that my room is the coolest- well, maybe I'm a bit partial, but it's pretty incredible.

Today I learned that...

I have way too many clothes. No really, I jam-packed two dresser drawers full and even though my closet is bigger, it's still too small (they really should put some of those cool walk-in closets in). You couldn't possibly fit another hanger onto the rack... so I had to stack the rest on the top shelf. It's very sad. If I ever say anything along the lines of "I don't have anything to wear" or "Ooo, I don't have this, I should buy it" or anything even closely related to acquiring new clothes, you should probably smack me (but not too hard, I'm terribly sensitive...).

When Mom says, "Is there anything else I can do to help?" I should probably think about it before I immediately reply, "Nope" and send her on her way. Woops! Who woulda thought I'd want to completely rearrange my room as soon as she'd left?

Don't eat fast-food. Boo hiss.

Even after having loads of practice building other buildings that are almost identical, they still can't make the walls straight. Oh well, it just adds to the character of the room, right?

I love Cumming. Milledgeville is aok, but Cumming is home and I'm not sure if M'ville will ever have that feeling for me. It almost seemed foreign as I drove in- almost makes me feel claustrophobic, like I just need to get out to some place, I don't know, near a city (that's dumb and contradicts itself, but eh, that's just the way it is... some things will never change... oops, sorry, lapsed into song... which brings me on to...)

I miss Sarah! I mean, I miss everyone now, since I'm all alone (there's no one here beside me, my problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me- oops, did it again...). For some reason, in my little pea brain, I registered that she would be gone this semester, but I failed to process that she was really not coming back- as in, she won't be here in the fall (I'm a nerd, how will I ever manage stinkin' chemistry if I can't get this straight?!). Oh sad day. Doesn't feel the same here...

Well, I think that's all I learned today, but I had an interesting realization yesterday that I think is worth mentioning, because it totally rocks my face off! I've been so bummed (well, not too bummed, but not exactly thrilled- eh, whatever) that God hasn't brought someone into my life to love me the way that I want/need/deserve to be loved yet, and then I realized, once again, that I'm totally missing the most important thing ever! Jesus loves me just like that already, and He always has, always will! I mean, for crying out loud, He came to earth, leaving His Heavenly Father, so that He could show me love and then He proved His love in the ultimate way, by giving His life, and now He's watching over me, and I just can't wait till I get to heaven so I can sit at His feet and tell Him face-to-face just how much I love Him too! I can't believe I ever let myself get down about wanting something that I already have! And even if He chooses to bring that special Man of God into my life, even his love will never compare to the love that is bestowed on me every single day. Actually, I think it's kind of neat being single now- it's like God wants me all to Himself- He wants all of my love and devotion to be focused on Him. Maybe He'll choose to share me with someone else someday, but for right now, I'm quite content lovin' on my God! And by loving God with my whole heart, then if I get married, I'll be even better prepared to love my husband the way I should love Him. I truly desire to be a Woman of God, but goodness gracious, I've gotta a lot of work to do! It's neverending!

Well, I think I found another degree that I want to get. How does a Ph.D. in Nutrition and Health Sciences sound? I want to be a nutrition consultant! or something like that. I just find it so interesting- it's already something that I research and implement (eh, like now, after the holidays...) for myself, so it would be so awesome to be able to use that for others! And after all, the health and wellness industry is the next trillion dollar industry (not ministry... woops ;) I love you guys!), so I'll have plenty of opportunity! Yay for taking care of ourselves!

I love God. The end :)

Egret

Well hey there! It's been awhile, eh? So I suppose I should divulge the fascinating details of my break thus far. Brace yourself...

As most of you know, I spent the first week of break at my grandparents in the bustling metropolis of Tyler Hill, Pennsylvania. Just to put things into perspective, their post office is smaller than the one on campus (and interestingly enough has an emu living behind it- a perfectly logical place for such a huge bird to live, don't ya think?). The trip started out with a bang, or screeched to a halt before I ever left, if you will. I love Atlanta traffic. No really, I simply adore spending one hour moving at a snail's pace down 400 only to make it a lousy seven miles. I ended up taking MARTA so Dad could make a 10 o'clock meeting and so I could make my flight (I'm not too fond of missing flights...).

And while I'm at it, let me rant about our city's transportation. I got on the train at the peak of rush hour- 400 was a parking lot (as it always is), and the stinkin' train was not even half full! What's wrong with those crazy people?! We have this clean, fairly reliable, economical transportation at our fingertips, and most people who have the option to conveniently use the stinkin' train would rather sit on stinkin' 400 as the train rolls past them. What's up with that?!

Ok, I'm done. So I get to the airport, wait on no lines and stroll to the gate at about 10 o'clock. I decided to bypass my traditional coffee (I was in the terminal with Seattle's Best, and I have made this deal with Starbucks that I won't partake of their competitors if they will simply give me the best Cafe Mocha ever, every time I go) and I sat and read Crime and Punishment (which I am finding to be quite fascinating!). Now, let me preface this with the fact that I had felt like crap for the past several days, and that morning left me feeling the same. It was a fairly decent flight, except for the jarring turbulence at the beginning that brought back memories of one of my first flights- I was quite young, and the flight was a bit turbulent, but I distinctly remember my ears popping so badly that I just sat there and cried (I was probably 5 or 6 and not quite the rough and tough gal that I am now). Needless to say, by the end of the flight, I felt pretty bad- I mean, really bad. Um, it was a good thing I happened to come across that little white paper bag in the seat-pocket in front of me as I searched for the holiday catalog. However, I was very discrete, and I don't even think the guy beside me even noticed (not that I cared or could do anything about it...). And the worst part about flying into Philadelphia is that the winds are always so funny that even the best of pilots bounces down the runway- a perfect conclusion to the perfect flight... My grandparents picked me up, and we headed north. It began to snow about halfway through the drive (making the windmills invisible as we crossed over the mountains- boo hiss). I don't really remember reaching Rutherford Hill- I collapsed in bed and that was that. My grandmother was afraid to leave me the next morning before she found out that I was, indeed, still alive.

The rest of the trip was spent running errands into town, baking cookies for some families in the area who are having less-than-ideal times, crocheting, watching educational television (ask me anything about Alaska, ice roads, the construction of Paris, early airplanes...), and um, lots of other intellectually stimulating things. On one evening, we went to the Settlers' Inn, which is an amazing restaurant. It was all decked out in holiday decor- absolutely beautiful! Along with wonderful company, I really enjoyed butternut squash ravioli with mango cream sauce- yum. And I think I mentioned that my grandmother knows everybody- so this restaurant probably holds about fifty people, and my grandmother knew 6 of them (I counted!)- and this restaurant isn't even in their town! Crazy.

On the last day, we went back down to Philly for my one and only cousin Sara's sixth birthday party. It was really great! I just love my family so much- they make me laugh, and they're all so unique, but in a good way! Uncle Rich's family was there too, and sometimes I forget that I'm not a part of their family- they're awesome! And also equally wonderful is the fact that I'm taller than at least half of those crazy yankees! Woah! I wish I could spend more time with them, but alas, when you live that far apart, at least we get to see each other as often as we do. I spent the night at Aunt Lisa and Uncle Dave's, and we had pizza and rented iRobot, and life was good :)

So there's my vacation, folks. I know it doesn't sound too exciting, but hey, it was just what I needed and wanted- can't ask for more than some good, quality family time! I returned home to start Christmas shopping (I work best under pressure, as in, I finished shopping on Christmas Eve, and then started wrapping...hehe...).

I got some Katy time, which was wonderful. We had our traditional Monster Popcorn as we watched the Incredibles (ok, that's a lie, we got there early and finished the popcorn before the movie started- oops). Otherwise, it's just been crazy getting ready for Christmas, and I'm just getting over the recovery phase now. I was afraid I was starting to get sick, and then I was going to have to get mad, but it appears as though my body is just suffering from the inability to decide how it feels. Oh well. Finally got back to working out again and caring about my health and little stuff like that. No more sweets, no fried foods, and I think I'm going organic now. It's kind of sick what the FDA allows farmers to do to our meats and veggies and such. I know I won't be eating meat at Saga- no telling what it is- and I'm on the organic milk and Soy milk bandwagon now (oh goodness, don't get me started on that... did you know that milk is actually pus?). So yeah, health nut Erin is back, although most of you probably didn't realize she had gone :)

So yeah, Santa was good. We decided that we would only do three gifts this year, but somebody forgot to send Saint Nick that memo. I'm not complaining ;) I got a microwave, a vacuum, a DVD player, cool chime things, disease books, the 9/11 Commission Report, cds, Target giftcards, canvases, and other goodies. I'm spoiled rotten. Oh well, what're ya gonna do?

The Christmas Eve service at our church was incredible! It's hard to describe, but they really succeeded in getting across not only that we were celebrating Christ's birth, but we're celebrating why He came in the first place- to die for us. How easy it is to look over the resurrection as a part of the miracle of Jesus at this time of year. At church, they did one of those readings where they parallel the birth of Jesus with His last days- very powerful stuff- God was definitely working in our church that night!

And God has really been working in my life too, which is really cool! He sure is making things happen for me- it's incredible- a while ago, I decided that I was really gonna leave all of this stuff I was unsure about in His hands and trust Him to do as He will, and that's exactly what He did! I may have had to wait awhile, but my God is a faithful God and He keeps His promises- I just have to put my faith in Him. It took a long time for me to really do that, but now that I have, I just can't believe my eyes! Thanks God! You're the best :)

And so now, we are fast approaching the new year, which brings us precariously close to going back to school. I think I'm ready for it- let's get this show on the road, right? I miss you all, and I love y'all so much! God bless :)

"I fear that one day I'll meet God, He'll sneeze, and I won't know what to say..."

Emu

Oh my goodness! Just a few quick notes before I lay me down to sleep-
...the Galapagos Island trip is a definite go! Yay! And Amanda is my cabin-mate- how fun! We're the only students going...with Dr. Saladin... and Dr. Viau... and others, but woah, that sounds... interesting...
...and sad/happy news! I'm headed to Wells to be an RA next semester! My first reaction was excitement, because well, that's cool and definitely an answer to a prayer- thanks God. But I don't want to leave my great roomie and my great suite-mates and all of the other great people in Sanford! I'm so sad! I wasn't prepared for this, but prepared at the same time. And I should probably just go to bed and deal with all of the fun stuff I have to deal with tomorrow (aka meetings, studying, exam and unfun conversation). Oh sad day! I will miss this place so much! All of the "I don't want to study, so let's pretend to have something else really important to do" or "I'm experiencing emotional trauma; please fix it" or "I just want to have some good old-fashioned fun" or "I want to act like an idiot" or "Professors make me smoke weed and drink beer" or "Walking on Broken Glass" or "Every Rose has its Thorn" or " STUPID, WORTHLESS, NO-GOOD" or "Boys are dumb, throw rocks at them" or "You're such a granny!" or "You dirty Yankees" or "My God is so BIG!" or "You silly k-nig-uts" or "I could marry him right now" or "I don't whine." Well, that's where God wants me to be, and that's all that matters- He's got my back, ya know.

Goose

Finals week already- kinda creeped up on me. I'm very ready for this week to be over- it will be the end of lots of things that I'm ready to be done: physics, that class, and just this semester in general, which has turned into the most difficult thus far. I know that there won't be many changes come spring semester, but I'm ready for a fresh start. So many changes took place this fall that it took me the majority of the semester to get a grip on things. Now I can start the semester with a firm, solid grip on everything, so things should be better, I hope. We shall see. God's got my back, so it'll all be good- I just know it!

Among other things, I'm so ready to go to my grandparents next week- I need a vacation- managed to get through the summer without one, but now I want out! It's supposed to snow the day I arrive, and it's gonna be cold- for real! I'm so excited! Going to their house is a true vacation- we'll probably drive into town a bit to do some Christmas shopping and just browse (I think my Grandma knows everyone in that town, because everywhere we go, she stops to talk to people- we can't get out of a store in less than thirty minutes!)- my grandfather (affectionately known as Pops) wants me to sit in on a Habitat board meeting, and hopefully I'll get to check out the house they just finished and meet the new family- that's always fun! We'll be heading down to Philly for my cousin's birthday- I love spending time with the aunts and uncles- they crack me up! Some good, hard-core Yankees- ah yeah!

But alas, I find myself still at school contemplating what to begin first- my Christmas cards, my crocheting (yay for cheap Christmas presents...), or studying. As of yet, I am doing nothing- way to be! Brittany and I are ordering a pizza- I wish I had remembered that before I decided not to run this morning. Oh well, ten-thousand calories never hurt anybody, right?

This weekend will be nuts. On the way into town, I have to drop off my dry-cleaning, or else I won't have any sweaters for my trip, which would be disastrous. I have to make about fifty-thousand muffins (again, cheap Christmas presents) and throw together a quilt for my cousin. Along with that, I have to unpack all of the stuff I'm bringing home from school and then pack it up again for the trip. I have to clean my room and my bathroom. Um, I'm sure I can come up with something else. Oh yeah, I have to go to Chipotle with my daddy, because he loves me :-) And we're decorating the Christmas tree and making cookies. I think that about does it. Thank goodness I'm flying out of here- driving just wouldn't cut it...

There's not much else going on here- just the normal social junk, which I have learned to get used to- not much has changed since high school in a lot of ways- very disappointing, but what're ya gonna do? Everybody should just love Jesus, and then it would be so much easier to love everybody else! Why don't people understand that?! Oh well, I guess it's one of those "easier said than done" things.

Off to be productive! I hope you are all having a great Christmas season thus far! Don't be afraid to be joyful- come on, you can do it!

Isaiah 9:6 "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Panther

You know, I should really update more often, because ten thousand things have happened since I posted last.

I had an excellent Thanksgiving break! For the life of me, all of the fun little details of my lovely five day weekend escape me right now, but I believe all of the joyous moments were centered either around sleep or food- my two favorite things. Mom and I cooked a five-star meal for Thanksgiving, and Diane did her five-star cooking for my birthday. So yeah, I ate... a lot. And that whole no-sugar thing? Totally went out the window the first chance I got- hey, I had discipline for long enough. I believe my first sugar encounter consisted of ice-cream, some cookie goop stuff (I promise it's better than it sounds...), apple pie, eh, probably lots of other stuff too- I promptly took a delightful little nap. The b'day was equally delightful, spent in much the same way- relaxing family time is the way to go. On Saturday for "Girls Night," we went to Buca di Beppo for dinner, watched Finding Neverland (which was really great- Johnny was, well, wow.), and then we spent some joyous time in Barnes and Noble (and the essential Starbucks, of course). It was really great!

Oh my, I picked up the most amazing book at B&N- When God Writes Your Love Story. It's so great- everyone should read it. I like it, because it just puts into writing what I've been thinking and praying about lately- kinda helps me get a grip on things, ya know?

Um, let's see... after Thanksgiving, we came back to school and I continued to be the ultimate slacker- I tell you what, I have just about lost my motivation to be motivated. No more. I've gotta start getting myself pumped up for next semester- I figure, I should already be done with school, so I'll just pretend it's not there anymore (which is hard to do when you have to sit in class...). Lately, I keep beginning work with every intention of getting it done, but I get so distracted, and next thing you know, it's 1am, and I have this rule about starting work after 1am. Ok, that's a lie. But anyways, you know what I mean.

So, random highlights of my week...

I turned in my money for the Galapagos Islands trip, and thus far, they need three students for the trip to be a go. I can't even tell you how excited I am- I could do back-flips.

I spoke with one of my professors about possibly minoring in environmental science (eh, why not? I like the environment- it's so...green....), and she said that I could help her our with some of her research stuff (nothing huge- very informal, but still, really cool!). I'm excited about it! Her research is not exactly in an area that I'm planning on heading (hybridization patterns of some flower species, I think), but it's interesting, nonetheless.

I had another icky day of physics, after which I returned to lovely Sanford feeling ick, and guess who left me a message on AIM? Brooke! I was so excited, I can't even tell you- it's so nice to hear from old friends- seems like with some people, even though you don't really talk much, you can just pick up where you left off. Yay for God for giving us friends like that (sisters in Christ, partners in crime ;) and just people you can laugh with- wow)!

And I have had yet another revelation about myself- I am incredibly stubborn. In most cases, I would be annoyed with myself, but in this particular case, it just amuses me. My will to remain firm in this situation has almost become, to me, a test of my discipline. As much as I want to just be like, "Hey, this is stupid," I will not allow myself to do it- goes against everything I've been "fighting" for. Sorry that's terribly cryptic, but it's been making me crazy (and also rather pleased, in an evil sort of way- I really am a horrible person- oops). Agh, why don't people just talk!

Moving right along, I did my Christmas shopping for friends today and played Santa, which is just about the most fun thing to do! I love Christmas!

Ok folks, my head is hurting pretty bad (might perhaps have to do with my apparent boycott on sleep, but that's neither here nor there...), so I'm gonna put myself out of my misery before I start being stupid (eh...)

Turkey

For the first time ever, my title is actually relevant to this post- ah, be amazed.

I can't even tell you how ready I am for Thanksgiving- it's crazy! I'm so ready to spend some good ole quality time with mi familia- I miss those crazy people! Looking forward to doing even more cooking- in my kitchen! Woah! I do really appreciate the use of Gretchen's (she wins!), but when I use other people's kitchens, I feel the need to be somewhat neat and tidy, and that takes all of the fun out of cooking (not to mention, several of my dishes for the HEA thingy were made at my desk...certainly puts limits on the amount of spillage). I'm sure Mom won't mind if I fling flour, eh? Hehe, do y'all realize how fun it is to say "fling flour" over and over really really fast? You should try- don't worry, be free! Let it go!

Ok, so back to wanting Thanksgiving. I feel the need for a wee bit of a break from this place I like to call Milledgeville, not that I don't adore the traffic on 441 or the lack of fine-dining or the way this place seems to defy seasonal changes with a relentless grip on summer... I'm ready for a change of scenery- very ready. I think I'll drive through good ole ATL just to remind myself that bigger places do exist.

And do ya know what? I really like to eat, so Thanksgiving is my kind of holiday. Watch a bit of the parade, cook, watch football, eat, roll to the living room to recover, roll back to the dining room to have dessert (which I'll be able to partake of! oh my, I can't contain my excitement!), and somehow make our way back to the living room for the second phase of recovery, only to return to the kitchen at about 10:00 for a lovely turkey sandwich. Goodness, this doesn't sound like a very Christian holiday- I'll have to repent for my gluttony...

And hopefully, people will see beyond the eating to the real reason we have that glorious holiday, and we will remember all of the blessings that God continues to give and reflect on the past year, thanking God that we actually made it this far! God just rocks my socks off- I mean, I mess up a lot- a whole lot- and yet I can still feel His presence close to me- every day, He surprises me with something new- it's like an adventure! I really like adventures :-)

Oh yeah, and then there is that really great day after Thanksgiving... no, no, not Black Friday, even better! That's right folks- Erin will forever leave the ranks of teenagerhood and join forces with the adults. And do you know what I'm doing for my birthday? Eating! I'm pathetic. Oh well, it is a joyously pathetic existence! But I'll also get to do some more of that family bonding stuff (which, of course, takes place over food...) which will be incredible, I'm sure.

And, as promised, I came up with an amazing plan for my b'day, as celebrated with mis amigos- we're gonna go somewhere really great for dinner (not quite sure on that one yet) and we're gonna hit the Cheesecake Factory for dessert and then go to a jazz club. It's gonna be great!

I hate when you chew gum for too long and then it starts to taste like you're chewing a piece of rubber. Boo hiss. Brittany should buy higher quality gum for me to steal... (love ya, roomie!).

And let me just say, once again, that I hate physics. The end.

Trout

So it's Wednesday already, eh? Time sure flies, especially when you have a gazillion things to do, but that's neither here nor there...

I have managed to deprive myself of sleep to the point that I have started to lose mental function- what used to be reason has turned into emotional drivel. I hate when that happens! And not only that, but I lack the physical strength and energy to hold these little emotional outbursts inside. Add to that the fact that I actually have stuff to be emotional about, and you get a rather icky Erin.
Seems like my little "Are you sure You've got everything under control up there?" issues just won't go away. I trust that He'll make everything work out right, but when I don't understand what's going on, it gets a wee bit harder. Oh well. I'll get better.

I'm itching to do something new and exciting. This school routine of go to class (what?!) and study (hm...) and be otherwise beneficial to the campus and community and anyone else who happens to come along (woops...) isn't cutting it anymore- "not feelin' it, babe..." And do you know what? My fun little plan to go see the Thrashers get whooped up on by New Jersey isn't quite panning out- as in, I can't find tickets anywhere to the stinkin' game!! What's up with that?! So I have to try to come up with something else really amazing to do for my birthday- oh, don't worry, give me time, and I'll come up with something that'll knock your socks off, but I'm a bit sad. Too many disappointments...

I'm on the verge of committing to the Galapagos Islands trip, and I think this will vaguely fulfill my desire for something new, except I have to wait till May, and I may just explode with anticipation before then. I'm really looking forward to going to see the family in good ole PA- I enjoy doing the whole fly-by-myself, be-sorta-like-an-adult thing- my independence is something I don't know if I could do without- I love it way too much.

Do you know what would be perfectly lovely? A chocolate chip cookie. I would really love a chocolate chip cookie- in fact, I would marry it. Wow, temporary lapse back to childhood- I'm back. I'm so excited that it's holiday time- that means I get to spoil everyone around me with tasty concoctions! Happiness!

I really want to watch Anastasia. She reminds me of myself, minus the handsome fella who is absolutely in love with her, but I think God'll fix that someday- or perhaps I'll "get thee to a nunnery"- yikes, crazy Hamlet... But anyways, I think maybe my parents forgot to tell me that I was actually a princess, and someday I'll get to wear pretty dresses and wear a crown and live in a castle... in Ireland... with ponies... and a cute little fluffy white dog named "Fifi." Yep, that's right. You heard it here, folks- Erin's a princess. So yeah, I have the same color hair and I'm stubborn beyond all reason and I could be pretty in another lifetime and I'm Russian to the core, so I'm just like Anastasia. We're twins.

I wore my orange shoes today, and I think they have some serious side effects that includes something along the lines of mental breakdown. And I also drank a gallon of milk in about two days- I should buy a cow and keep it in my closet, so I could save some money, and also I kinda like cows, like the Jersey cows, cause they're Jersey cows, and when I eat a whole lot, I kinda feel like a Jersey cow, although I don't really look like one, so I guess it's not like with Anastasia- me and cows, we're not twins- and I like the white ones with the big black splotches, because... well, how could you not like white cows with black splotches? It's classic- black and white- so cows are classy.

Well, I'm gonna hunt down some mindless entertainment and boycott anything even remotely productive and maybe, just maybe, I'll get to bed before two... we shall see...

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.
Job 19:25

Walrus

A solid week has passed since I've updated this stinkin' thing, and I can't come up with one stinkin' thing to put in it...
I think I'm bipolar. I went from being perfectly happy and content to being really, um, not like that so quickly. It makes my head spin- I don't like it.
I started reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye again- not really sure why- I don't need any convincing on this topic- I've quite given up. It feels good, rather liberating to give up on that- and by giving up, I mean giving it up to God, and I think the Big Guy's made it pretty clear that I've been booted off of the dating wagon for awhile. I'm ok with that, and I can sincerely mean that for the first time ever- really, stop laughing :P It's kind of weird, because I feel absolutely nothing for anybody- another first. I realize that this can change quickly, but it's been like this for awhile- I thought it was a fluke at first- I tried to listen to love songs to remind me that I wanted that, but it didn't work. Woah, that's kinda sad now that I think of it... But anyways, now that I have this new found freedom, I really want to put it to good use and do something, I don't know, liberating, but alas, school has seeped over into that part of my life.
I have been so tired lately- I think it's pretty unhealthy. I started seeing spots before my eyes, and on occasion, my senses have been a bit warped- my vision will get blurry or my hearing will get funny- sometimes I feel a bit disoriented. Hm, that can't be good... Looking forward to getting a bit of sleep this weekend.
I've been on this "let's see if I'm disciplined" kick lately- kinda testing myself to see if I really do have control over what I do/say/think, etc. I've come to the conclusion that if I really want to be disciplined, I can be, but as soon as I start to question whether I should be disciplined in a certain area, I automatically lose all control (well, not all, but you know what I mean). One more thing to work on...
The weather started changing towards something a bit more acceptable for November, and I think it's caused everyone to lose their minds. There has been so much emotional trauma tonight, I can't even begin to explain. So many people are in pain for so many various reasons, it hurts to think about it. I wish I could be there for everyone- even though I never really have anything constructive to say, I want people to know that I care so much, and I'd do anything for them. I've been lacking in this area lately- I've gotta let go of my own little pity-parties so that I can be there for other people, ya know? I really think that this is one of the areas that God can really use me- to be someone people can turn to when they are troubled- but there are so many areas of my life that I have to give over to God if I really can be effective at that for Him. Agh! Why do I insist on trying to do things myself when God can do it so much better?!?! When will I learn?!
I am so excited that the holiday season is finally approaching! It always makes me happy- I love to spend time with my family, and all of those Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions, the old and new, give me warm, fuzzy feelings :) Something about this time of year just makes me want to praise God even more, which seems kinda silly now that I've typed it out, but there ya have it. Probably should praise Him a whole lot no matter what the time of year- oh boy, another thing to work on- all this reflection just seems to point out my inadequacies. Oh well, I suppose that's a good thing...
I'm sorry, did I say I didn't have a stinkin' thing to put in here? For someone who had nothing to say, I sure said a whole lot, although it's all pretty garbled and sporadic. My apologies. Did I mention I need sleep?...

Bandicoot

I have a few minutes to spare before I get to sit in a cemetary for the evening, so I thought I'd toss a few things out there.
This week totally had me deceived- I thought it was gonna be a mediocre, "won't kill you too much" kind of week- woops! I was wrong! Last night, I had class till, well, don't really remember when, perhaps 4:30? not sure, but anyways, after that was church. We talked about gentleness, and I realized (once again) that I really gotta work on that one. It was so interesting, because I never really thought about it in "God terms," only in human terms. God is pretty different from humans. Hmm, profound. So, we talked about how it was really when we submit ourselves completely to the Will of God- surrender to God's plan. I struggle with that- first off, it's hard to see God's plan, and sometimes when I think I know what He wants, it's really just me doing some of that human rationalization and justification- and second off, well, sometimes God's Will is so hard to accept! I guess He has His ways of making us accept it, one way or another- His Will will be done whether we say we accept it or not. It's a good thing! I'd be in a whole mess of trouble if that weren't the case!
Afterwards we came back to the dorms and watched the lunar eclipse- awesome stuff! God is so amazing :-) I enjoyed conversation with someone I haven't gotten to talk to in awhile. And then us crazy honors people went on a walking ghost story tour thingy with Harold around M'ville/campus or something. Yeah, so that was neat, but I had to bail early due to, I don't know, studying- interestingly enough, I came back and didn't get any of that done... Oh well.
Today was just nuts- that's all there is to it. I've run all over the world twenty times today, but I've managed to get just about all of the pertinent stuff done. Still don't know if I'm going home or not- probably will, but ask me in five minutes, and I might change my mind. I need a change of scenery- maybe I'll go to China. Tomorrow.
God is such a mystery to me sometimes. I can see Him doing His "God thing," but I can't fit it into the big picture yet, although I'm sure that, in time, it will begin to come together.
And those crazy BoSox won the world series- just whipped right on through there! I guess I'm happy for them, I mean, they haven't won since, what 1918? I guess they deserve it, so long as it doesn't happen for another 86 years... Just kidding, yay for Boston!!
And now I'm listening to Gershwin, and "Someone to Watch Over Me" just came on- boo hiss! Sappy song! Gotta fix that- how 'bout a little Benny Goodman- cool guy.
I want to go do something different. Maybe I'll climb a mountain this weekend. We shall see.

Rhinoceros

It seems like a while since I've updated (or perhaps just that a lot has happened), and I don't feel like studying physics, so let's attempt to make sense of the past couple of days.
Seems kind of ironic to me that my last post began with the death of my hamster, and now I must add to that the death of a student here at school, although they are by no means equal in magnitude of loss. I did not know him, although on several occasions, I was told to meet him, because he was a neat guy- I never got a chance to, and as a result, his loss hits a little harder. I feel terrible- he was young, and I'm sure he didn't see this coming- I don't know if he was prepared, in a spiritual sense, that is- I would inquire, because it is something that I am concerned about- had I made a point to meet him, I may have been used for some Godly purpose (although I know that God would have made it happen if it was supposed to- gotta remember that He's in control)- but the only person who would know is handling this in an... odd way- doesn't seem to be at all affected- I realize everyone deals with this stuff differently, but he's not acting like the compassionate individual I hoped he was (even before the death)- should have predicted that, so I won't dwell on it- old news, as far as I'm concerned.
I am slowly learning that I can't be a friend to everyone. Why is that? I want to be friends with everyone, but some friendships can be so draining, leaving no room for others (or they just make you fed up and crazy!), which therefore pushes other friendships (the real ones, as far as I can see) away. I'll be there for anyone when they need me, but why is it that some people don't catch on to that? I really do care! Why do they make it so hard?
Ok, so getting on with the weekend. We had Fall Fest on Saturday. Um, yeah, that was exciting.
Then we made the trek up to Cumming to the Bandmasters to see the good ole FOC be amazing. And they were amazing, but it was also really nice to see people I haven't seen in a really long time (Jeff, Clayton, Tonya, Adam, Ashley, Cass, and others that aren't popping into my head at the moment)- went to Steak 'n Shake and had some quality bonding time with Ana :-) Loads of fun!
Went to church this morning, and then to Atlanta Bread Company with mi madre for lunch. Went on a quest for fun looking moccasins, and after about three stores, I found this really weird pair of orange ones (not peachy orange, just flat-out orange)- ordinarily, I think I'd find them hideous, but I was in a qwirky mood, so I thought they were cute and everybody else says so, but I think that in their heads they're probably thinking "ew gross!" but I don't care because it enables me to add yet another color to a completely unmatching ensemble, which by-the-way makes me so excited that I don't have to match clothes, because I can so totally throw random colors on, but matching requires effort and I'd rather be lazy and a rainbow (how's that for a run-on sentence...).
Wow, ok, so then I drove back to M'ville, and it was not a fun drive, because I kept on thinking of un-fun things, and I couldn't turn my brain around to think about fun things, and so I arrived to church this evening in a rather exasperated, anxious state. But church was really great- Casey and Hannah did really great with worship (even with a few little blips, but I think it just adds to the character of the worship or something...) and Alex did a really great message (what a neat kid!). Had to jet after it was over- felt claustrophobic, if that makes any sense, which I'm sure it doesn't, because it kinda confuses me too, but I think it has to do with that friends stuff I was talking about, or I could just be a weirdo- not sure...
So that brings me back to the dorm. Was looking for something I had saved on my computer (my schedule for next semester, I think), and I ran across an online conversation I had with a friend almost a year ago that I saved. This topic has been a source of much controversy and confusion among my friends. He totally flirted and all that kind of stuff, and then, ::poof:: nothing. What a nerd. Anyways, the conversation was all "I stayed so I could see you" and "you're a really nice girl, I mean, young woman" and "does it really bother you when I tickle you" and other really girly (ugh!) stuff on my part that I won't mention. It's very amusing, because it's nothing like the way we talk to each other now- he probably doesn't even remember, but just for the record, he started it! I was an innocent, unsuspecting victim to his male fickleness. What is it with guys and just randomly changing their minds about stuff like that, and then pretending that they never really felt anything, in fact, it was me all along who liked him?!?! Goodness gracious, he exasperates me so. Ok, that was a really random, 8 months late rant. I'm done.
Ok, I'm really going to study now. For real. Maybe...

Goat

I think I've gone through the full spectrum of emotions in less than a 24-hour period- a pretty draining experience. I went from silly, almost giddy happiness to sorrow to rage to bitter disappointment, but I believe I'm slowly making my way back around to that giddy happiness again (it used to take me a full week to run through this cycle- I must be getting better at it- lots of practice...). I never like to believe that people may actually be, I don't know, bad. I always make excuses for them- deep down I know that I should not put faith in their character or integrity- people always let you down- yet I live in some sort of denial of that (and I'm not just talking about the obvious example here, there's lots of other stuff too that I'm coming to realize now). I wonder if it's healthy to have that kind of attitude- it's never been a problem before- it's only when I directly encounter a person's selfishness, bad intentions, or just plain lack of concern that I am hurt by this mentality. And if you look at the other end of the spectrum, where one would constantly question people's motives and not believe anything, well, that doesn't sound so good either. Now, I know there must be some middle ground, but it is so hard to find. Maybe I'll just be content to be wrong.
And to make things worse, I ran out of milk- again. I should buy a cow; it'd be a whole lot cheaper. I go through a gallon in less than a week, and it totally ruins my mood to run out. Now I can't have cereal for breakfast, and no protein shake, and no milk and cookies. Oh dear. The woes of my life- however do I go on?
Speaking of the woes of my life, I am so very sad that the crazy BoSox are going to the World Series (for a second, I almost typed Super Bowl- I'm a big, fat moron who really needs to get some sleep...woah...). Now, let me just clarify that I am not some huge Yankees fan, but there is something about them that draws me to cheer them on to victory. It's something mystical, mysterious- perhaps I was brainwashed as a child. It seems like the embodiment of the American tradition- I can look at them playing now, and I can instantly picture the game as it was played a hundred years ago- seems timeless. And for goodness sake, think about all of the amazing players they've had- Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Lou Gehrig, Roger Maris- it's nuts! Going to the Baseball Hall of Fame is almost like going to the "Yankees Hall of Fame."
You know, it's very interesting, because I am so ready to be done with college and to get on with life. Not that this isn't life right now, but sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting, for what, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I'm taking advantage of whatever I can right now- I don't want days to go by wasted- but there's so much more than this out there, and I'm so ready to be a part of it. Everyone else seems to not exactly be looking forward to it, perhaps even scared of it. I just want to get on with it- let's get the show on the road! I'm so looking forward to having a career, maybe even a family- I want to travel and do huge, amazing things, but even the little stuff is exciting- I think I just want complete independence in the very worst way, and I just have to be patient on that one.
And ya know what? Guys confuse the heck out of me. I mean, come on, girls are so easy to figure out, because even though we have our emotional outbursts, we tell you exactly what we're thinking in the process (however stupid or unpleasant it may be...). I have never in my life understood a male- they are so weird!! Sometimes I wish I could get in their heads and see if anything is going on in there! Why do they have to hide how they feel? What purpose does that serve? Life is too short to bottle up all of that junk- just let it out. And what's with this drive towards the opposite sex? I guess it's harder for me to understand now more than ever, but I just don't get how a guy can see a pretty girl and instantly decide that she must be incredible and he has to have her (this has never worked in my favor- can't say I'm disappointed about that...). And whatever happened to old-fashioned gentlemanly junk? Half the guys who say they want to be gentleman, ok, well over half, don't know how. Ok, probably just speaking for myself, but there is nothing a girl wants more than to know that she is valued by someone for who she is, with no conditions, no "woops! changed my mind!," and no "only until something better comes along"- she wants to be treated like a lady, not like some "temporary pleasure." I give up on guys- until they can start acting like sane, rational, mature people, I just can't deal with that kind of stuff. "No time to play games."
Ok, I think I've sufficiently ranted for the evening. I think I'm gonna go read Plague and head to bed (sweet dreams?...)

"...Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."
John 16:24

Hamster

Will this sorrow never end? My heart can't take this grief much longer. It seems as though my family's hamser, Zigmund, has passed on, kicked the bucket, is pushing up daisies, is taking a dirt nap, is swimming with the fishes, etc. Oh beloved Ziggy, you have gone on to a better place...
Ok, but really, I am sad, because he was a lovely little hamster- a very active little fella with his 2am sprints on his favorite hamster wheel or his escapades around the homeschool room in his ball. How cool would it be to have a human-sized hamster wheel? Can you think of anything more awesome than that? Or one of those ball things?! Don't even get me started...
Crazy, crazy, crazy week. I'm slowly reaching the point-of-not-caring- this is not the best time, considering I still have a lot to care about. Oh well, another worry for another day :-) "I don't want to go to crazy!"
Finally had that Red Cross meeting, well, sorta. We basically decided that we couldn't do anything until we met with Sandy, the Baldwin County Red Cross lady. Wonder when that'll happen. Hopefuly soon... Maybe she can meet at midnight- there's a slight possibility I'll be available then. I'm really excited about it! I want to see if I can get certified to teach the classes, and I want to find out how feasible it would be to be available for national disaster stuff- how cool would that be? Watch out crazy bad world! Erin's gonna fight back!
I've been in such an excellent mood this week- learning to be content with what you have, who you are, and everything else going on is a hard lesson to learn, but man oh man, it sure feels good! I'm so excited about God- He just totally makes my day! He's pouring forth so many blessings on me, I just don't even know what to do with myself. I had to make some admittedly not-so-fun sacrifices, but now He's showing me that I did the right thing- He's opening up so many opportunities to serve, I just love seeing how God can make everything happen!
We have our band concert tonight- should be good, I suppose. I love to play, but I kind of miss that time in my life where it was such a huge part of my life. I love music- I love to listen, I love to play, everything about it is just incredible- I think God is a musician. I bet when we get to heaven, we'll be sitting at Jesus' feet and He'll be playing a fiddle or something cool like that. Oh wait, I bet He loves jazz though- maybe He plays a little saxophone too. Something more to look forward to...

There will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. Men will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on in the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near!
Luke 21:25-28

Bluebird

So I'm sitting here listening to a little John Mayer (...wow...), and I'm in a mood- not a bad mood, but not necessarily a good mood, just a mood. Too many things to ponder, but even as I endlessly ponder, I am no closer to understanding- I guess God intends for it to be that way, and I've just gotta get over that- easier said than done. People confuse me beyond all reason.
This weekend was so, I don't know, weird. It was River of Life (where we stay with the "yoots" and work on people's houses and such- awesome experience, everyone should do it!), and I was really looking forward to it. Well, it started out horribly. Amy, Hannah, and I all met at Ms. Beasley's house and rode together to the church- on the way, we passed by a terrible accident. As we approached it, one of the paramedics unfolded a white sheet next to a stretcher- my heart sank. It's one thing to see something like that in the movies, but to see it face-to-face... I wanted to cry even though I didn't have a clue who it was- can you imagine how the family would soon feel as a police officer would be forced to tell them that their loved one was gone forever? As we drove by the truck, it became apparent that the person's body could not have possibly been taken from the vehicle- they must have found him in the woods, because the truck was upside down and almost completely collapsed upon itself- a sickening sight. Even the memory of it makes my head swim- that feeling that I'm sinking into the floor.
As we arrived at the church, I was able to push away that vision, but it still lingered. But the worship service brought my focus back to God and reminded me that He was still in control, even amidst such sadness. And almost in an answer to a prayer, in the middle of worship, one of the men at the church proposed to his (now) fiancee- wow, God is so awesome! Amy started crying, and I guess given the circumstances, I can understand (although I'm not quite that sappy... maybe...).
The next day was spent at the worksites- Ms. Beasley, Alex, and I were at Mr. Miller's house along with four kids (who were awesome!). We worked on his yard last year, and found ourselves having to do pretty much the same thing all over again (although, me being the genius that I am [...such a lie!] suggested pine straw to keep from having a repeat of that in the fall, so maybe we'll get even more done next time). I really enjoy doing that kind of work, even if it's sort of unpleasant at times (Mr. Miller has lots of cats, and their, um, odor was ever-present around his house- gross!)- Mr. Miller really appreciate it, and I know it's what God wants me to do (and it's fun!). It was nice to spend time with the boy in a different environment- I tell you what, he's a different person when he's not around everyone else, and I'm rather fond of that person- that's the one I could stand being friends with- the other one, not so much. And talk about awkwardness- every person on that site thought we were dating or that we should- and they said so! Woah! They said it was because we worked so well together (because we sure weren't acting like we were dating... I was being terribly bossy, only cause I knew I could get away with it- I'm not a very nice person, oh well). Mr. Miller actually point-blank asked the two of us why we weren't dating- given the the right time, I might've been compelled to rattle off why, but instead I just wanted to dig a hole and collapse into it. The kids were rather vocal about it to me, although I don't think they approached Alex about it. Even the lady who delivered lunch said something- how weird is that?! Makes me think, I'm not sure about what, but it evokes thought (I suppose everything does that). I had really hoped that this wasn't going to be an issue- I wanted to be on the site, because I knew it was where God wanted to use me- to minister to Mr. Miller. The rest of the weekend was good- interesting, I suppose.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about my friends. I cannot possibly express how thankful I am for a wonderful group of people who accepts me for who I am- people who don't feel the need to point out that I'm shy (interestly enough, I'm only shy around people who point that out... go figure)- who don't try to find my short-comings and challenge them- who can handle Erin when she acts like herself, which I will never understand! As I observe those around me, it becomes apparent that many people search for people to have a good time with- there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm so thankful that I've found people that are truly friends- I can be myself around these people, and so perhaps these people really know me- what a comforting thought :-) They can hold me accountable, make me laugh, be there when I cry (even if it's something stupid), listen to me when I go on and on about all of the amazing things I want to see and do (and actually believe that I can/will do these things, not just humor me- "So you still want to go everywhere?" like I won't actually do it! argh! I know it's not true, but pretend it's possible please!), be there for the late night/early morning talks, and accompany me on my random excursions, etc. They know my faults and love me still- how incredible is that?! I thank God for placing them in my life!
Change of mood, back to good! On to the Christmas music... (John Mayer kind of depresses me for some reason- I mean, "Split Screen Sadness" just makes me want to, I don't know, be very sad), a little Mannheim Steamroller ought to fix that- I'm such a nerd!
Oh, and guess what?! I filled out my absentee ballot- yay for Bush! He rocks my socks off!
I stumbled across my James (chapter 1) flashcards this weekend, and I think I'm gonna rememorize it- it's great stuff- I remember most of it, but I really want to get back into memorizing scripture again- I want my thoughts to be constantly dwelling on that, not on all of this crazy earth stuff. I've really gotta work on this "trust God" stuff- I know that I trust Him, but then I find myself worrying about the future or other stuff that I know God will take care of, and I have to smack myself around a few times to remind myself that I'm in God's hands- He's got my back.
Ok, I think I've sufficiently blogged for now. Gotta get some stuff done...maybe...

"Lord, I have placed you as a seal over my heart. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from your love."

Caribou

It's odd how I feel compelled to share my not-too-exciting existence with the world, but alas, I find myself filling up my little piece of the internet with the details of my life that I would otherwise bore my friends with through face-to-face conversation- this is my way of doing them a favor, delve into Erin's life by choice not through the merciless torture of her forcing you to listen :-)
It was a pretty random weekend spent doing pretty random stuff. It came just in time- last week was quite a roller coaster ride, but this week promises to be a much more enjoyable roller coaster- not the too-many-loops, makes-you-want-to-vomit kind, and I am so ready for it! I went back to good ole high school on Friday night to see the half-time show, and the band was, of course, amazing- that's the only thing I sorta miss from high school, and even then, I only sorta miss it. We saw a bunch of people that we graduated with there (lots were on Fall Break- btw, what's up with us not having one of those?!). Then I went to the fair to help with our Shaklee stuff, and that was also how I spent the majority of Saturday. Mom and I went out for pizza, and then I came home for a nap before I made a feeble attempt to get some work done- Enemy of the State was on, so my attention was very much diverted.
I had breakfast with Katy this morning, which was so incredibly excellent- haven't seen/talked to her since August-ish. Church was really great this morning- Mike talked about anger- I think he looks into my life and picks his sermon topics based on whatever my issues are for the week. Btw, I'm doing so much better in that regard- no more anger- yay for God! We also had a carry-in lunch- I picked an excellent weekend to come home ;-) Great food- I tell you what, those ladies in church sure can cook!
But on a rather sad note, my car has asthma- no seriously, it's wheezing. Dad's gonna get it checked out- hopefully nothing too major. And speaking of Dad, he doesn't have asthma! Yay for God and making tests come out negative :0)
Isn't it just amazing how God is in control of everything? Sure makes me very happy- I'm not too good at being in control, despite my many attempts at it. He has a way of reminding us that we are in His hands- what a great feeling it is to know that God is gonna work all things out for good. Even though I don't know what's going on anymore, I am at peace, because I know that God is with me, guiding me if I will only follow Him.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
James 1:19-21

Sheep

I just wanna be a sheep- baa, I just wanna be a sheep- baa, And I pray the Lord my soul to keep, I just wanna be a sheep- baa :o) For those of you who aren't familiar with this delightful melody, I am so very sorry- come see me, and I'll enlighten you.
So it's been awhile! Alas, my life is quite busy, as everyone else's is I'm sure. Since I wrote last, wow, that was last week- I'm a slacker. But anyways, last Thursday, I went and told Crystal that I had to depledge- just isn't in God's plan right now. And Crystal was really great and understanding, and I love that about her! It was so hard to do- I'm not so good at doing God's Will when it's so different from my own desires, but I feel so great now that I know I'm doing the right thing- it really is cool to obey!
So I guess that brings me up to the weekend. I wish I could say I did something terribly exciting like wrestle alligators or swim the English Channel, but I just had a nice, relaxing weekend at home. I did laundry, saw Shark Tale (which was good, but after Finding Nemo, other computer animated ocean movies just aren't as great as they used to be... ::oh-heavy-sigh::), and ate my way through Cumming. I got my hair cut- a crazy four inches cut off, and I could count on 2.5 fingers how many people noticed, but that's aok, because I like it and now I have to buy the ten thousand dollar flat iron to make it look like that everyday. Well, there ya have it.
And so began another week of fun in M'ville. It's been very busy- seems like I go from one meeting to another and don't really have any time to do, well, nothing. So I've decided to take my "nothing" time out of sleep time, which perhaps is not the best idea, but who really wants to sleep anyway? It's so overrated. I sat in the hall last night for a pretty good while saying hardly anything and about to fall asleep at any moment, but for some reason, I couldn't make myself go to bed- this is a habit that I'll have to break soon, or Erin is going to be pretty rotten, and we can't have that.
And do you know what? I have the most amazing friends ever! They totally make my day, and I am so thankful that God placed all of these great people in my life. They are an incredible blend of wit, recklessness, thoughtfulness, sarcasm, and good ole Christian love- if I have any problems, I can totally see God working through them.
Well, I'm off to the wonderful world of "hurry up and clean before health and safety inspections" and then off to count sheep (maybe sleep isn't so overrated after all...)

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:9-11

Lobster

I really love lobster- it is so wonderful. Did you know that the lobster is related to the cockroach- kinda ruins it, doesn't it? Sorry, don't know where that came from. Must be sleep deprivation taking a hold of my brain- bad timing, considering I kinda need that piece of gray matter for crazy tests, not that it'll do much good, since there's not much stored in it anyway.
So I've decided, well, God has decided that it's time to do a little life reorganization. Can't say that I'm exactly thrilled, but hey, if the Big Guy says "jump," you better believe I'm going to! Change number 1 involves SAO, and this is the hardest change for me to stomach. I really like it a whole lot- the girls are so awesome, and it has taught me a lot. But despite all of this- despite the fact that it's a Christian sorority designed to help me grow closer to God and to honor Him- God has said He has other plans, and I can't fulfill them if I am doing SAO too. I've gotten myself so wrapped up in meeting the requirements of SAO that I'm losing that fire I had for God before I started pledging. I know it doesn't have to be that way- that's my own mentality getting the best of me. I go to all of these meetings and Bible studies and all sorts of other stuff, but all I really want to do is just sit at His feet and be with Him. All I need is Him, and while I doubted that I had the spiritual maturity to grow closer to Him on my own when I first got back to school, I realize that the only way I can grow in Him is to be alone with Him- just me and God. It kind of reminds me of the "Heart of Worship" song- "when the music fades and all is stripped away and I simply come" etc. "It's all about you Jesus" not all of this other stuff- though it is good and brings Him honor and glory, I can't let the mere fulfillment of these almost "obligations" consume me. I just need to simply come into His presence- that's the only way I can have that relationship with Him that I desire so much. I know that God has put this hunger in my heart, and He wants me to give Him control over my life. While it is my desire to do SAO- it would be so awesome- God has revealed other plans to me, and much to my disappointment, SAO is not included. But more than being a sister in SAO, I long to be closer to God, so I will obey, even though this is no picnic- I dread having to tell them, but I know they will understand.
Change number 2 is one that I've known about for a long time. Everybody has their own really cool gift that God has given them, and God has given me a heart for service. Lately, I haven't really been using that gift like I know He wants me to. I anticipated getting involved with the Red Cross down here, but with SAO and other obligations (like class...), I haven't been able to pursue that. I've been focusing so much on myself that I haven't been serving others, and it makes me crazy! I don't want to do that- essentially by not using what I've been given, I am disobeying God, and I'd prefer not to do that- that's not so good- not to mention, I'm kinda tired of thinking about myself. True, I need to focus on my growth in Christ, but if I'm not serving others, I'm missing out- I'm not doing everything I can to work for Him. It's actually really awesome how God kinda plopped this one right in my lap- He's cool about stuff like that :o) Last night, I was praying a lot about what in the world to do about SAO, and did He really want me to do Red Cross, and was that really where He wanted to use me, and did it really not include SAO, so I basically was just like, "Alright God, I'll obey, but I need to know what I'm doing here! Please help! SOS!" Well, when I woke up with morning, there was an email about it from Kendall- I mean, really. God didn't waste any time! I have an appointment to talk with Kendall tomorrow, and she would like me to be Student Coordinator for it. I'm amazed at how my prayers were answered- God is so incredible! How cool is it that the King of Everything is listening to my prayers and even answering them- I mean, it just amazes me. Woah.
And there are many other changes that I won't get into right now and a ton of other prayers that God has answered in the past couple of days, but I should probably stop myself. Ok, so I have other prayers for God, like... help me remember Spanish and somehow have soaked up something from physics. But right now, I vote sleep.

It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
Ephesians 4:11-13